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Correction/lettre motivation

Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux || En bas


Correction/lettre motivation
Message de hannah0123 posté le 22-01-2021 à 10:43:34 (S | E | F)
Je dois envoyer une lettre de motivation pour Erasmus, mais n'ayant pas eu de cours d'anglais depuis longtemps, je pense avoir fait quelques fautes.
Si une bonne âme voulait bien me corriger, ce serait trop sympa merci !! 😘

Dear Sir, Dear Madam,

I am currently a first-year student in Psychology at ... University. I am writing to you today as I am very interested in spending a year abroad to study at ... University, thanks to the Erasmus program.

Taking part in this exchange program would allow me to develop knowledge that will be useful to me in my everyday life, as well as in my professional life. The study program offered by ...University is multidisciplinary, therefore, it matches perfectly my profile and my ambitions. After my bachelor’s degree, I would like to join a master’s degree to become a clinical psychologist. Then, studying at this university would enable me to strengthen my knowledge in these areas, while learning about other fields of psychology. This university is also the only one to offers some classes I don’t have in France. I take a special interest in the new course, Zen and the Brain, which explores Eastern philosophy from a neuropsychological perspective. Indeed, I am passionate about meditation, which I regularly practice, and I certainly want to learn more about it.

Moreover, the fact that these courses are offered at ...University would be a real opportunity for me. Indeed, studying at this prestigious university would give me the chance to perfect my language skills, since I would like to become bilingual in English, to be able to continue my studies or work, in an English-speaking country. What is more, the many extra-curricular activities would allow me to develop indispensable qualities in the psychology field, such as communication and confidence. In that, I sincerely think this university would enable me to achieve all of my goals, and help me expand the boundaries of my comfort zone to make me a better citizen of the world. I strongly believe I have the required capacity and determination to study there.

More generally, studying abroad is, according to me, one of the best ways to open ourselves to the world and understand a new way of life and thought. Being lucky enough to experience this in Canada would provide me a better fulfillment than studying in another European country. Confronting myself, and discovering a reality that is far away from mine would help me adjust to the different kinds of people which who I will be working with in the future. Also, I could approach psychology from a fresh eye, and improve my critical thinking skills by discovering different pedagogies and working methods from those of the European school system. Furthermore, I have a real interest in the culture of this country, and I look forward to keep discovering it.

Motivated, curious and open-minded, I know I can fully invest myself in this exchange program so that it can be as rich as possible, both academically and personally.

Modifié par lucile83 le 22-01-2021 11:44

Réponse : Correction/lettre motivation de lucile83, postée le 24-01-2021 à 22:33:57 (S | E)

Réponse : Correction/lettre motivation de bluestar, postée le 25-01-2021 à 13:43:14 (S | E)

Quelques suggestions:
to offers..
strengthen my knowledge ('deepen' serait mieux ici)
according to me -- ne se dit pas en anglais (utilisez: I believe ou I think)
which who -- a revoir
to keep discovering it -- un peu lourde, je dirais "to explore it further"


Very good work!

Réponse : Correction/lettre motivation de gerold, postée le 25-01-2021 à 18:50:46 (S | E)

... studying abroad is, according to me, one of the best ways to open ourselves mieux : oneself (la phrase est impersonnelle)

... by discovering different pedagogies and working methods from ... mieux : by discovering teaching and working methods different from ... (en principe, pedagogy est "uncountable" et n'a donc pas de pluriel)

... and I look forward to exploring it further (le "to" qui suit "look forward" n'est pas la marque d'un infinitif mais une préposition, donc suivie du gérondif)

Modifié par lucile83 le 26-01-2021 14:51
Bug police réparé


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