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Correction/lettre motivation

Cours gratuits > Forum > Thèmes généraux, jeux || En bas

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Correction/lettre motivation
Message de florianne1213 posté le 02-11-2017 à 10:48:12 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je dois faire un lettre de motivation pour partir en DUETI; je voulais donc savoir s'il n'y avait pas de grosses fautes.:
Merci d'avance
Cordialement

Dear Sir , Madam

Actually, in an Technology degree in marketing techniques I would like to continue my studies by studying abroad next year.
Indeed, I think studying abroad is a good option to discover a new country and a new culture deeply, I think this year will be an opportunity to discover a country and will help me discover what I really want to do by studying new subject or example in Budapest I can study sociology and learn more about Hungarian culture.
I want to learn about new cultures it’s also why I took care of BA AH HAN our Vietnamese student this year, indeed I help her when she arrives in France and find someone who can help her when she doesn’t understand classes.
I also think my English even If he is not perfect is not bad because since January 2017 20% o my classes are in English and I went one month in New York City alone as an au pair during summer 2017 so I’m capable of handle thing by myself in English.
I also have only one destination where I want to go and it’s Budapest it’s really a city that I want to discover and live in. I think it’s the best destination for studying abroad because it’s not an expensive city, it’s in the middle of the Europe so you can travel a lot, it’s look like a very beautiful city with a lot of history and I think it’s not a very known country and it deserve to be.
And finally, I know this experience is an advantage on my resume.


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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-11-2017 12:20



Réponse : Correction/lettre motivation de here4u, postée le 02-11-2017 à 12:35:41 (S | E)
Hello !

Dear Sir , Madam

Actually= faux-ami!, in an Technology degree (revoir la formulation ... You can't be IN a degree...)in marketing techniques I would like to continue my studies by studying abroad next year.

Indeed, I think studying abroad is a good option to discover a new country and a new culture deeply, I think this year will be an opportunity to discover a country (attention aux répétitions!) and will help me discover what I really want to do by studying new subjectS or example in Budapest I can study sociology and learn more about Hungarian culture.

I want to learn about new cultures (ponctuation?) it’s also why I took care of(not convenient here) BA AH HAN our Vietnamese student this year, indeed I help= temps!) her when she arrives in France and find someone who can help her when she doesn’t understand classes.

I also think my English even If he is not perfect (revoir l'ordre des segments dans cette partie de phrase) is not bad because since January 2017 20% oF my classes are in English and I went one month in New York City alone as an au pair during summer 2017 so I’m capable of handle thing by myself in English.(Tout ceci est vraiment du langage parlé. A revoir pour une lettre ! éviter les coordinations sans lien clair ! "et puis ... et puis ...) )

I also have only one destination where I want to go and it’s Budapest ponctuation? it’s really a city that I want to discover and live in. I think it’s the best destination for studying abroad because it’s not an expensive city, it’s in the middle of the Europe so you can travel a lot, it’s look like a very beautiful city with a lot of history and I think it’s not a very known country and it deserve to be.(Vous raisonnez trop en "et... et..." Il existe de nombreux autres mots de liaison ...)

And finally, I know this experience is an advantage on my resume.

Ne pas oublier qu'une lettre de motivation doit mettre en relief ce que vous cherchez ... ET ce que vous apportez à "l'expérience" ... Pourquoi vous choisir VOUS et pas quelqu'un d'autre ... Là, on n'a pas envie de vous choisir ... Allez, courage !






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