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Correction/ exposé

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/ exposé
Message de lisouille03 posté le 11-11-2016 à 18:32:16 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je fais un exposé en anglais sur les élections présidentielles américaines, pouvez-vous corriger mes fautes ou mes tournures de phrases ?
Merci d'avance pour votre aide

Every 4 years, Americans elect a president. For the Americans, it’s essential to go to vote for choosing a president who respects the values of the United States. The election of the president of the United States is a very mediatized event because it’s followed on the international stage. In France, we can follow these elections thanks to media such as BFM, the Figaro or the Express. By means of the media, we were able to notice that there are two majority parties in the United States. But year 2016 is a pivotal year in this electoral race to elect the candidate who will succeed president Barack Obama. What modern strategies used the candidates during them presidential election campaigns in 2016? 

As explained to us Anna and Margaux, the American citizens don’t vote directly for the candidate in list for the presidential elections. They vote for a "presidential elector" which pleaded allegiance in one of the candidate potential at the white house. Then, by voting for the future president of the United States.
In the United States, there are two parties politics which dominate the political life since the end of the 19th century; the democratic party and the Republican party. The American system is thus considered as "bipartite". We notice a regular alternation between Republicans and Democrat since the presidency of Roosevelt. 
On the ideological plan, the Republican party is a more conservative party and a defender of the rights of States and economic liberalism. The Democratic party defends the federal interventionism, represents the urban electorate of cities and minorities. Both parties adopt
rather vague and intermediate positions to be able to attract voters' largest number. Other political parties exist in the United States but collect too little vote to deal with these two parties. Nevertheless, there is a Green party which promotes eco socialism, the environmental protection and the social justice. But neinther of the candidates has yet succeeded in this system dominated again and again by both parties.
The American elections of 2016 saw being in confrontation two candidates: Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. On one side, we have Donald Trump, born into a well-off family of Queens. The life is similar to him in a competition and he brings up his children in the idea which it is always necessary to win. In 70 years, her fortune would amount to 4 billions of dollards. King of the provocation and the statements shock, the republican Donald Trump built his popularity on his imflamed speeches, tackling all the reponsables of what he judges no no not to touner circle in his country. Then there is Hillary Clinton, she is 68 years old, and she is lawyer. She is the wife of the 42nd President of the United States, Bill Clinton. She has grew up in a district of Chicago in a family of the middle class. At first, she adopts the conservative ideas of this one before opening to the democratic ideas by listening to a speech of Martin Luther King. Hillary thus leads the battle on the side of the Democrats with her slogan " Stronger Together ". Less conservative than his rival, more turned to the international, and supporter of the economic liberalism in the service of the community, Hillary Clinton tries to rethink the social, without touching the individual economic liberties of the Americans. Making every effort to want to show a new image of the economy, the candidate remains not less the ally of stock markets.

In the United States, political advertisements invade the screens, unlike France, where they are considered propaganda during an election period.
Hillary Clinton: $ 143.2 million
Since the end of the primary, Hillary uses a lot of commercials. According to figures published by the agency Advertising Analytics, the Democratic candidate spent 68.2 million dollars in one month.
Spots broadcasted each time in eight "swing states": Florida, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Iowa, Nevada, Ohio, North Carolina and Nebraska.
Donald Trump: $ 6.8 million
Donald Trump broadcast his first television spot on August 19th. For this security clip that denounced Hillary Clinton's "fake America system," the Republican candidate paid $ 4.8 million in four "swing states", Florida, Ohio, North Carolina and The Pennsylvania.
Finally, a new television commercial released on Tuesday, September 20, titled "The Movement", conveys a message for 30 seconds aiming positive through key words like "Dream bigger", "stand up together" or "freedom ".

The presidential election was played partly on social networks. The two main candidates, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, used them as never to mobilize voters. Up to saturation ...
In 2016, two-thirds of Americans learn about social networks, including facebook which has become a full-fledged field. It is estimated that more than 5.3 billion publications, shares, likes, on the election. This is by far the most commented subject of the year.
Facebook is so influential that it is accused by the Republican camp of distorting the election. And yet Donald Trump, it's 12 million subscribers on Facebook, 13 million on Twitter. That's more than Hillary Clinton (8 million and 10 million). The messages of the Republican candidate are also four times more divided than those of his opponent. Not to mention Snapchat, Instagram and the others. Trump, the enemy of most media, uses the Internet to attack, create controversies.
Some propaganda sites have a particular success on networks. Thus, The Other 98%, which owns 3 million subscribers does not hesitate to compare Donald Trump to "a Nazi".
However, a study by the Pew Research Center says that a third of Internet users have had enough of the political discussions. Some have even changed their settings to expel violent messages from their Facebook wall.
Many debates are also organized between the two candidates. The principle is to answer the questions asked by the public and convince them. Many topics are discussed, such as the controversy surrounding immigration, relations with Putin, Syria and Iraq.

Peoples across the Atlantic have a significant power in a candidate's campaign. The stars can even totally upset public opinion and win a considerable number of voters. Numerous gatherings, galas are organized to support the campaign of their favorite.

Several movie stars, including Robert Downey Jr and Scarlett Johansson, are calling on the Americans to vote on the voters' list, but also to block Donald Trump.
Kim Kardashian, American star of reality TV, also shared last summer with her more than 62 million followers on Instagram a selfie of her with her husband, rapper Kanye West, and Hillary Clinton .

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 11-11-2016 18:52



Réponse : Correction/ exposé de lisouille03, postée le 13-11-2016 à 13:48:00 (S | E)
Personne pour m'aider sur quelques points ?



Réponse : Correction/ exposé de here4u, postée le 13-11-2016 à 14:15:41 (S | E)
Hello !
Je vais commencer, mais devrais sans doute m'interrompre en cour de relecture !

Every 4 years, Americans elect a president. For the Americans, it’s essential to go to vote for choosing = but, pas conséquence!)a president who respects the values of the United States. The election of the president of the United States is a very mediatized(given mediacoverage/ publicized) event because it’s followed on the international stage. In France, we can follow these elections thanks to media such as BFM, the Figaro or the Express (why not CNN and BBC News?). By means of the media, we were able to notice that there are two majority parties in the United States. But year 2016 is a pivotal year in this electoral race to elect the candidate who will succeed president Barack Obama. What modern strategies used the candidates= une interrogtive directe! ) during them presidential election campaigns in 2016?

As (Subject here !)explained to us Anna and Margaux, the American citizens don’t vote directly for the candidate in list for the presidential elections. They vote for a "presidential elector" which pleaded allegiance in one of the candidate potential ordre des mots + pluriel!) at the white house. Then, by voting for the future president of the United States.
In the United States, there are two parties politics which dominate the political life since the end of the 19th century(cette durée oblige à "penser" le verbe autrement!); the democratic party and the Republican party. The American system is thus considered as "bipartite". We notice a regular alternation (boff!)between Republicans and Democrat since the presidency of F. D. Roosevelt.
On the ideological plan, the Republican party is a more conservative party and a defender of the rights of States and economic liberalism. The Democratic party defends the federal interventionism, represents the urban electorate of cities and minorities. Both parties adopt rather vague and intermediate positions to be able to attract voters' largest number. Other political parties exist in the United States but collect too little vote few voters ) to deal with these two parties. Nevertheless, there is a Green party which promotes eco socialism, the environmental protection and the social justice. But neinther of the candidates has yet succeeded in this system dominated again and again by both parties.= ordre des mots)
The American elections of 2016 saw being in confrontation two candidates= construction : Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. On one side, we have Donald Trump, born into a well-off family of Queens. The life is similar to him (+ ordre des mots! in a competition and he brings up his children in the idea which it is always necessary to win. In 70 years, her fortune would amount to 4 billions of dollards. King of the provocation and the statements shock, the republican Donald Trump built his popularity on his imflamed speeches, tackling all the reponsables of what he judges no no not to touner circle in his country.
Then there is Hillary Clinton, she is 68 years old, and she is X lawyer. She is the wife of the 42nd President of the United States, Bill Clinton. She has grew up in a district of Chicago in a family of the middle class. At first, she adopts the conservative ideas of this one before opening to the democratic ideas by listening to a speech of Martin Luther King. Hillary thus leads the battle on the side of the Democrats with her slogan " Stronger Together ". Less conservative than his rival, more turned to the international, and X supporter of the economic liberalism in the service of the community, Hillary Clinton tries to rethink the social ??? = an adjective!, without touching the individual economic liberties of the Americans. Making every effort to want to show a new image of the economy, the candidate remains not less the ally of stock markets.

Beaucoup de tournures "qui passent", mais sont très maladroites. Les plus flagrantes sont soulignées. Courage!




Réponse : Correction/ exposé de lisouille03, postée le 14-11-2016 à 15:38:53 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide
Voici ma correction :

Every 4 years, Americans elect a President. For the Americans, it’s essential to go to vote to choose a President who respects the values of the United States. The election of the president of the United States is a very publicized event because it’s followed on the international stage. In France, we can follow these elections thanks to media such as BBC News or ABC News. By means of the media, we were able to notice that there are two majority parties in the United States. But year 2016 is a pivotal year in this electoral race to elect the candidate who will succeed President Barack Obama. What modern strategies the candidates used during the presidential election campaigns in 2016?

As Anna and Margaux explained to us, American citizens don’t vote directly for the candidate in list for the presidential elections. They vote for a "presidential elector" who pleaded allegiance off one of potential candidates at the white house. Then, by voting for the future president of the United States.
In the United States, there are two political parties which dominate the political life since the end of the 19th century; the Democratic party and the Republican party. The American system is thus considered as "bipartite". We notice a regular alternating between Republicans and Democrat since the presidency of F. D. Roosevelt.
In terms of ideology, the Republican party is a more conservative party and a defender of the rights of States and economic liberalism. The Democratic party defends federal interventionism, represents the urban electorate of cities and minorities. Both parties adopt rather vague and intermediate positions to be able to attract voters' largest number. Other political parties exist in the United States but collect few votes to deal with these two parties. Nevertheless, there is a Green party which promotes eco socialism, environmental protection and social justice. But neither candidate has yet succeeded in this system dominated over and again by both parties.
The American elections of 2016 saw in confrontation two candidates: Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. On one side, we have Donald Trump, born in a well-off family of Queens. For him, the life is similar to a competition and he brings up his children in the idea which it is always necessary to win. In 70 years, his fortune would amount to 4 billion of dollars. King of provocation and shoking declarations, the republican Donald Trump built his popularity on his imflamed speeches, tackling all those responsible of what he judges don’t turn circle in his country.
Then there is Hillary Clinton, she is 68 years old, and she is a lawyer. She is the wife of the 42nd President of the United States, Bill Clinton. She grow up in a district of Chicago in a family of the middle class. At first, she adopted the conservative ideas of this party before opening to the democratic ideas by listening to a speech of Martin Luther King. Hillary thus leads the battle on the side of the Democrats with her slogan " Stronger Together ". Less conservative than her rival, more turned to the international, and a supporter of economic liberalism in the community’s service, Hillary Clinton tries to rethink the social side; without touching the individual economic liberties of the Americans. Making every effort to want to show a new image of the economy, she remains the ally of stock markets.



Réponse : Correction/ exposé de lisouille03, postée le 14-11-2016 à 20:51:20 (S | E)
J'ai essayé de corriger la suite :

In the United States, political advertisements invade every screens, unlike in France, where they are considered as propaganda during an election period.
Hillary Clinton: $ 143.2 million
Since the end of primaries, Hillary used a lot of commercials. According to figures published by the agency Advertising Analytics, the Democratic candidate spent 68.2 million dollars in one month.
Spots broadcasted each time in eight "swing states": Florida, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Iowa, Nevada, Ohio, North Carolina and Nebraska.
Donald Trump: $ 6.8 million
Donald Trump broadcasted his first television spot on August 19th. For his security clip that denounced Hillary Clinton's "fake America system," the Republican candidate paid $ 4.8 million in four "swing states", Florida, Ohio, North Carolina and Pennsylvania.
Finally, a new television commercial released on Tuesday, September 20, titled "The Movement", conveys a message for 30 seconds aiming positive through key words like "Dream bigger", "stand up together" or "freedom ".

The presidential election was partly played on social networks, both of them tried to use them as they could to gain votes. Up to saturation ...
In 2016, two-thirds of Americans followed the elections through social networks. It has been estimated that more than 5.3 billion publications, shares, likes, happened during the elections. This is by far the most commented subject of the year.
Facebook is so influential that it is accused by the Republican camp of distorting the elections. And yet Donald Trump has 12 million subscribers on Facebook, 13 million on Twitter. That's more than Hillary Clinton (8 million and 10 million). The messages of the Republican candidate are also four times more divided than those of his opponent. Not to mention Snapchat, Instagram and others. Trump, the enemy of most media, uses the Internet to attack and create controversies.
Some propaganda sites have a particular success on networks. Thus, The Other 98%, which owns 3 million subscribers does not hesitate to compare Donald Trump to "a Nazi".
However, a study by the Pew Research Center says that a third of Internet users have had enough of the political discussions. Some have even changed their settings to expel violent messages from their Facebook wall.
Many debates are also organized between the two candidates. The principle is to answer the questions asked by the public and convince them. Many topics are discussed, such as the controversy surrounding immigration, relations with Putin, Syria and Iraq.

Peoples across the Atlantic have a significant power in a candidate's campaign. Celebrities can even totally change public opinion and win a considerable number of voters. Numerous gatherings, galas are organized to support the campaign of their favorite.

Several movie actors including Robert Downey Jr and Scarlett Johansson asked Americans to vote for the voters' list, but also to block Donald Trump.
Kim Kardashian whom appeared on several American reality shows, also shared last summer a selfie of her and her husband, Kanye West, with Hillary Clinton, with her 62 million followers on Instagram.





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