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Correction/American dream

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/American dream
Message de manonvct posté le 19-12-2015 à 16:00:47 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai réalisé un écrit expliquant ma vision de l'American dream" . Serait-il possible que vous m'apportiez votre aide pour la correction dans la syntaxe.
Merci d'avance pour votre aide.

In my mind, the american dream represent the idea with whitch one people, with his courage, his work and his determination can become prosperous and support himself and his family. It's a chance which everybody can achieve. The american dream is for many people a myth but it was the pricipal motor for immigration . For me the american dream is ethical. It represent simultaneously the freedom to believe , freedom of expression, freedom to carry and equality. Immigrate to Unied states for achieve his dream its leave for a new life, new goals and a new world. Leave its left everything behind for start again elsewhere. In my view, « the american dream » is a term which heard for the first time sixteenth century. On this period, Amercia know one of most important immigration of history of mankind. Represented by his important territory, United States are a symbol to unlimited opportunities, the land acces is easy and the richess is insured for peasants.
What's more, in beginning the british pilgrims go to live in this land whitout history for will be free exercise their religion. The fathers pilgrims came in America for find a freedom of worship. They discovered a land which answered their dreams of abundance, dream of power, all will be able to improve the men life in physical plane.
I think, the american dream is a symbol of hope for certain populations. In my mind, Barack Obama is an important figure in american dream in History. He's the first black president in USA. Represent the black enpowerment and do their pride. After a painfulpast with centuries of slavery, racial segregation and a civil right struggle, Barack Obama has succeeded to emerge African-American population to their silence. His success encourage the population to work more and dont loose hope therewith continu this success. America begin a new page of history, a new american dream, a dream for everybody, where everybody can be live and work together whitout judjement because of his color or his origin.
But which symbolise the most the american dream for me, is the representation of columbia picture is the biggest company of cinematographic production, created in 1919 approximately 35 years after the statue of liberty by Jack Cohn. Wearing nearly the same symbol of the statue of Liberty, it remind me that this monument is one of the imagine that the immigrant had about america when they came in Ellis Island . The statue is the most imprtant symbol in the world to represent the american dream. This statu reprensented the Liberty enlightening the world was offered at amercian by french in 1886.
In columbia picture, we recover the torch that she wear in her right hand but it is enlightened by sun, symbole of a new life . Its a way to show that United States are superiors and that they enlightening the world . The representation of columbia pictures is put on pedestal too. Yet on the pedestal of the statue we can remarq chains which are broke representation of liberty and and abolition of slavery too. On the other hand, the differences with the statue are that this is not the tiara with the 7 branches symbol of the 7 oceans and mainland nor the shelf where we can see the date of the independance of United States ( 4 july 1776). All right, it doesnt wear all the mark of liberty that we know for the statue but it is in her way the vehicle of the liberty of expression and cinema. Its right i cant finished without tell you that the american dream is for me a possibility to became famous too, its a representation of success and richess. It is noting in addition that many celebrity are left their country to do their carreer in United States. For exemple, Arnold Swarzeineger who became an actor extremely famous. He is Austrian and left his country when he was 21 without money and without knowing the language. He is today, the actor the most paid in the world.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 19-12-2015 18:02


Réponse: Correction/American dream de laure95, postée le 24-12-2015 à 10:36:28 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Voici ce que tu dois déjà corriger sur le début de ton exposé.
-the american dream represent: majuscule + conjugaison.
- whitch: orthographe.
- one people: PEOPLE = les gens, les personnes.
- It represent: conjugaison.
- freedom to carry: ?
- Immigrate to Unied states for achieve his dream its leave for a new life: mal construit, mal dit.
- Leave its left everything behind for start again elsewhere.
- In my view: mal dit.
- a term which heard: mettre au passif.
- sixteenth century: il manque une préposition + THE avant.
- On this period: pas la bonne préposition.
-Amercia know: pas le bon temps.
- his important territory: pas le bon possessif.
- United States: il manque THE.
- acces: orthographe.
- the richess: ce mot n'existe pas.




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