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Correction/Cie de bus

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/Cie de bus
Message de terra123 posté le 04-10-2015 à 15:41:00 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'ai un petit travail à faire en anglais, pourriez-vous m'aider à corriger mes fautes s'il vous plait ?
Merci d'avance !

Voici mon texte :
Exposé Anglais
Partie 1 -> L’effervescence des compagnies de bus
After Isilines, Flixbus or even Eurolines, a new bus compagny called Megabus, has recently joined the french landscape.
But why has there been such a resurgence of this type of business ?
This is partly thanks to the Macron law that many bus companies are developing in France. Indeed, it aims to improve mobility, including middle and underprivileged classes, create jobs, strengthen the position of French companies in the European market. Then, we can accesse at competitive rates.
Proposing such competitive rates allows a majority of people to afford a trip to a lower cost. Anyone can now travel easily,and it’s no longer reserved for wealthy clients, who can afford to take the train or the plane.
Serving the majority of large French cities and even some European cities, these services are becoming more and more attractive to customers, who mainly are the youngs people and tourists.
More than 250,000 people use these buses every month according to the minister of the economy, and more than 700 jobs have been created thanks to this new market.
There is then a certain deregulation of bus companies, since until recently, the state and regional government had the monopoly.
These lines also have a positive impact on the environment. Indeed, using public transport, such as buses, can carry a large number of people, with only one vehicle. From then on, the individual's carbon footprint is much better than if we used our own car to travel alone.
However using these transports is not as good as we can think. Indeed, it’s poses some isuues.

Partie 2 -> Une fausse bonne idée
Qui sera touché par ce nouveau Marché ? :
The new bus market affects the business of other modes of transport and certain enterprises. It is expected for the coming years a sales decline in the airlines and railroads. We can also expect that fewer drivers will take their vehicles, which will affect the economy of tolls, petrol stations and vehicle manufacturers.

La SNCF est à la traine :
The railway company wanted to take advantage of the law xxx in his turn, creating its own new branch « OuiBus ». Even if it gets these specific bus lines, the SNCF went too late, and other companies like MegaBus or FlixBus are one step ahead on the market. Unfortunately, its turnover is in deficit, it has a only a small percentage of the market share against the competition.

La Situation en Allemagne :
Germany has not resolved this new market in time. It end up now in 2015 with a start up company that controls almost 60% of the German market. This irritates the state, which don’t want any Monopole.

Mauvaise estimation de sa clientèle :
All new bus companies have wrongly estimates the consumer profile of their services. Indeed, it was expected that most of the consumers will be young people (as students) and old people (Retired), however in the year 2015, 1 in 2 was a foreign tourist traveling to France.

Une fausse bonne idée de xxx :
If the opening of the new bus routes occurs to the detriment of the train, the environmental impact of this reform will be negative.
This hypothesis can not be excluded, says the impact of the law study ."The consequences of private enterprise service bus on rail public services may or may not be significant. »
The most popular journeys, so potentially more lucrative for private bus operators are also potentially the most congested, and therefore potentially less attractive. Unless they get dedicated express lanes.
This services can reduced by four the price of a journey but it can also multiply by 3 the time it will take to get to the destination, that’s a major drawback for the consumer. It bothers the rich but not the poor, there will according to economists in a Cleavage Poor / Bus and Rich / Train. There is a risk of a social polarization.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 04-10-2015 15:44


Réponse: Correction/Cie de bus de here4u, postée le 04-10-2015 à 23:38:17 (S | E)
Hello !
I'll start...

Partie 1 -> L’effervescence des compagnies de bus
After Isilines, Flixbus or even Eurolines, a new bus compagny called Megabus, has recently joined the french landscape.
But why has there been such a resurgence of this type of business ?
This is partly thanks to the Macron law that many bus companies are developing in France. Indeed, it aims to improve mobility, including FOR ? middle and underprivileged classes, create jobs, strengthen the position of French companies in the European market. Then, we can accesse at competitive rates.
Proposing such competitive rates allows a majority of people to afford a trip to a lower cost. Anyone can now travel easily,and it’s no longer reserved for wealthy clients, who can afford to take the train or the plane.
Serving the majority of large French cities and even some European cities, these services are becoming more and more attractive to customers, who mainly are word order)the youngs people and tourists.
More than 250,000 people use these buses every month according to the minister of the economy, and more than 700 jobs have been created thanks to this new market.
There is then a certain deregulation of bus companies, since until recently, the state and regional government had the monopoly.
These lines also have a positive impact on the environment. Indeed, using public transport, such as buses, can carry a large number of people, with only one vehicle. From then on, the individual's carbon footprint is much better than if we used our own car to travel alone.
However using these transports is not as good as we can think. Indeed, it’s poses some issues.

underlined= clumsy... You can find better solutions!



Réponse: Correction/Cie de bus de terra123, postée le 05-10-2015 à 19:09:37 (S | E)
Ok, merci pour votre réponse!

Partie 1 -> L’effervescence des compagnies de bus
After Isilines, Flixbus or even Eurolines, a new bus company called Megabus, has recently joined the French landscape.
But why has there been such a resurgence of this type of business ?
This is partly due to the Macron law that many bus companies are developing in France. Indeed, it aims improving mobility, especially middle and underprivileged classes, creating jobs, strengthing the position of French companies in the European market. Then, we can access to competitive rates.
Offering such competitive rates allows a majority of people to afford a trip at a lower cost. Anyone can now travel easily,and it’s no longer reserved for wealthy clients, who can afford to take the train or the plane.
Leading to the majority of large French cities and even some European cities, these services are becoming more and more attractive to customers, who are mainly the young people and tourists.
More than 250,000 people use these buses every month according to the Secretary of the Treasury, and more than 700 jobs have been created thanks to this new market.
There is then a certain deregulation of bus companies, since until recently, the state and regional governments had the monopoly.
These lines also have a positive impact on the environment. Indeed, using public transport, such as buses, can carry a large number of people, with only one vehicle. From then on, the individual's carbon footprint is much better than if we used our own car to travel alone.
However using these transports is not as good as we can think.

Voilà, je pense avoir tout corrigé
Pouvez-vous m'aider pour la suite ?

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 05-10-2015 19:49



Réponse: Correction/Cie de bus de here4u, postée le 05-10-2015 à 22:05:22 (S | E)
hello again !

This is partly due to the Macron law that many bus companies are developing in France(extremely clumsy ...) . Indeed, it aims XX improving mobility, especially XXX middle and underprivileged classes, creating jobs, strengthing the position of French companies in the European market. Then, we can access to competitive rates.
Offering such competitive rates allows(is it a permission?) a majority of people to afford a trip at a lower cost. Anyone can now travel easily,and it’s no longer reserved for wealthy clients, who can afford to take the train or the plane.
Leading to the majority of large French cities and even some European cities, these services are becoming more and more attractive to customers, who are mainly the young people and tourists.
More than 250,000 people use these buses every month according to the Secretary of the Treasury, and more than 700 jobs have been created thanks to this new market.
There is then a certain deregulation of bus companies, since until recently, the state and regional governments had the monopoly.
These XXX lines also have a positive impact on the environment. Indeed, using public transport, such as buses, (subject??) can carry a large number of people, with only one vehicle(very clumsy sentence too...). From then on, the individual's carbon footprint is much better than if we used our own car to travel alone.
However using these transports is not as good as we can think.

Partie 2 -> Une fausse bonne idée
Qui sera touché par ce nouveau Marché ? :
The new bus market affects the business of other modes of transport and certain enterprises. It is expected for the coming years a sales decline(start the whole sentence again .... word order ...) in the airlines and railroads. We can also expect that fewer drivers will take their vehicles, which will affect the economy of toll XXXXXs, petrol stations and vehicle manufacturers.

La SNCF est à la traine :
The railway company wanted to take advantage of the law xxx in his turn, creating its own new branch « OuiBus ». Even if it gets these specific bus lines, the SNCF went too late, and other companies like MegaBus or FlixBus are one step ahead on the market. Unfortunately, its turnover is in deficit, it has a only a small percentage of the market share against the competition.

La Situation en Allemagne :
Germany has not resolved this new market in time. It end up now in 2015 with a start up company that controls almost 60% of the German market. This irritates the state, which don’t want any Monopole.

Mauvaise estimation de sa clientèle :
All new bus companies have wrongly estimates the consumer profile of their services. Indeed, it was expected that most of the consumers will be young people (as students) and old people (Retired), however in the year 2015, 1 in 2 was a foreign tourist traveling to France.

Une fausse bonne idée de xxx :
If the opening of the new bus routes occurs to the detriment of the train, the environmental impact of this reform will be negative.
This hypothesis can not be excluded, says the impact of the law study ."The consequences of private enterprise service bus on rail public services may or may not be significant. »
The most popular journeys, sowhich are potentially more lucrative for private bus operators are also potentially the most congested, and therefore potentially less attractive.(beware of the mix of comparatives and superlatives!) Unless they get dedicated express lanes(this isn't a sentence!).
This services can reduced by four the price of a journey (tense + word order)but it can also multiply by 3 the time it will take to get to the destination, that’s a major drawback for the consumer. It bothers the rich but not the poor, there will ??? Verb?? according to economists in a Cleavage Poor / Bus and Rich / Train. There is a risk of a social polarization.




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