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Shopaholic/Correction

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Shopaholic/Correction
Message de kaleid posté le 15-01-2015 à 23:13:05 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir!
Je souhaiterais obtenir de l'aide de quelqu'un afin de corriger mon texte!
Je remercie d'avance ceux ou celles qui m'aideront!

The document is a confessions of a Shopaholic.
At the begining of the text,the narrator shops around when she suddenly see a rows of scarves.Among them she a really graceful scarf,that it's made of silky Velvet overprinted in a paler blue.At the start she resists temptation but a shop assistant urges her to buy it,since the scarf is half priced.As a result the narrator cannot told nothing but "I have to have it!I have to wear it!.We can notice that she gets mad,since she thinks this product will make her a different person,a more graceful and beautiful woman.Alla thanks to a scar. In the end ,she yields to temptation and buy the scarf.
During the reading of this text I was shocked that there are persons who thinks that a single trinkets will change their life.It is surely a consequence of consummer's society,who is going to destroy the individualism of the people.

Sur ce je vous souhaite une bonne fin de soirée!

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 16-01-2015 12:27


Réponse: Shopaholic/Correction de yaya18, postée le 15-01-2015 à 23:26:50 (S | E)
Hello kaleid

The document is a confessions (Pourquoi un pluriel ?) of a Shopaholic.
At the begining of the text,the narrator shops around when she suddenly see (3ème personne du singulier) a rows (Pourquoi encore un pluriel ?) of scarves.Among them she X (Il manque un verbe) a really graceful scarf,that it's made of silky Velvet overprinted in a paler blue.At the start she resists temptation but a shop assistant urges her to buy it,since the scarf is half priced.As a result the narrator cannot told nothing but "I have to have it!I have to wear it!.We can notice that she gets mad,since she thinks this product will make her a different person (Juste "different" suffira) ,a more graceful and beautiful woman.Alla thanks to a scar (Scar = cicatrice). In the end ,she yields to temptation and buy the scarf.
During the reading of this text I was shocked that there are persons who thinks (3ème personne du pluriel) that a single trinkets will change their life (Pluriel).It is surely a consequence of consummer's society,who (Ce n'est pas une personne) is going to destroy the individualism of the people.

J'espère avoir pu t'éclairer
See you soon



Réponse: Shopaholic/Correction de kaleid, postée le 17-01-2015 à 08:38:26 (S | E)
Bonjour!
Tout d'abord,je tiens à vous remercier pour votre aide!

The document is a confession of a Shopaholic.
At the begining of the text,the narrator shops around when she suddenly sees a row of scarves.Among them she notices a really graceful scarf made of silky Velvet overprinted in a paler blue.At the start she resists temptation but a shop assistant urges her to buy it,since the scarf is half priced.As a result the narrator cannot told nothing but "I have to have it!I have to wear it!.We can notice that she gets mad,since she thinks this product will make her a different,a more graceful and beautiful woman.All thanks to that scarf. In the end ,she yields to temptation and buy the scarf.
During the reading of this text I was shocked that there are persons who think that a single trinkets will change their lifes.It is surely a consequence of consummer's society,that will surely destroy the individualism of the people.

Sur ce je vous souhaite une bonne journée ^^!



Réponse: Shopaholic/Correction de yaya18, postée le 17-01-2015 à 09:50:48 (S | E)
Hello again !
What a great correction ! But there still is a mistake :
"Will change their lifes"

See you



Réponse: Shopaholic/Correction de bluestar, postée le 17-01-2015 à 11:10:39 (S | E)
Bonjour..

The document is a confession of a Shopaholic.(pourquoi le majuscule?)
At the begining of the text,the narrator shops around when she suddenly sees a row of scarves. Among them she notices a really graceful scarf made of silky Velvet(pourquoi le majuscule?) overprinted in a paler blue.At the start she resists temptation but a shop assistant urges her to buy it, since the scarf is half priced.As a result the narrator cannot told nothing but "I have to have it!I have to wear it!.We can notice that she gets mad,since she thinks this product will make her a different,a more graceful and beautiful woman.All thanks to that scarf. In the end ,she yields to temptation and buy (accorde) the scarf.
During the reading of this text I was shocked that there are persons who think that a single trinkets (singulier apres 'a') will change their lifes.It is surely a consequence of the consummer's (orth.) society,that will surely destroy the individualism of the people.





Réponse: Shopaholic/Correction de kaleid, postée le 17-01-2015 à 16:33:07 (S | E)
Bonjour!
Encore et toujours je vous remercie de votre aide!
Voici le texte après correction:

The document is a confession of a Shopaholic.
At the begining of the text,the narrator shops around when she suddenly sees a row of scarves.Among them she notices a really graceful scarf made of silky velvet overprinted in a paler blue.At the start she resists temptation but a shop assistant urges her to buy it,since the scarf is half priced.As a result the narrator can't tell nothing but "I have to have it!I have to wear it!.We can notice that she gets mad,since she thinks this product will make her a different,a more graceful and beautiful woman.All thanks to that scarf. In the end ,she yields to temptation and buys the scarf.
During the reading of this text I was shocked that there are persons who think that a single trinket will change their lives.It is surely a consequence of the consumer's society,that will surely destroy the individualism of the people.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 17-01-2015 16:51



Réponse: Shopaholic/Correction de bluestar, postée le 18-01-2015 à 13:45:58 (S | E)
Bonjour..
"Can't tell nothing"...Non, utiliser le verbe "to say" et non "to tell" et éviter le double négatif ("can't...nothing")
the consumer society (sans le s)



Réponse: Shopaholic/Correction de kaleid, postée le 18-01-2015 à 15:25:42 (S | E)
Bonjour!
D'accord,toutes les fautes ont bien été corrigées!Je vous dis énormes merci votre aide!

Sur ce je vous souhaite une bonne fin de journée!




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