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Expression/correction

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Expression/correction
Message de berenice15 posté le 17-02-2013 à 16:57:13 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

J'ai à rendre un court commentaire sur un article, j'espère trouver ici de l'aide pour corriger mes fautes qui doivent être en nombre important (désolé!).
Merci pour vos réponses.

Ci-dessous le texte!

After reading this article, I never imagined that it could be possible. How our society, our world "civilized" is it happens?
The consumerism encourages people to gather in front of stores hours before, when they rush to the stores by pushing others. This example at Wal-Mart brings out the selfishness and greed of people.
To my mind, I believe these 2,000 people are in charge of the death of the employee. The shopper is upset and “out-of-control”, such rabid animals. More customers were angrily when they learned that the store closed because someone died "trampled." What an inhumanity!
Go to the sales becomes "vital" and necessary to survive. But where does the world go? Do the solidarity and mutual aid always exist? Moreover People only think to purchase and consume more and more.
To conclude, people should have thought and helped other. However, our consumer society prevents us from living fully without money. Nevertheless, I hope very much that Mr. Damour's family will recover because no everybody is like this: selfish and ruthless.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 17-02-2013 19:11


Réponse: Expression/correction de laure95, postée le 17-02-2013 à 17:14:25 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Voici ce que tu dois reprendre,
After reading this article, I never imagined that it (à quoi ce "it" fait-il référence?) could be possible. How our society, our world "civilized" is it happens? (mal formulé, je ne comprends pas ce que tu as voulu dire)
The consumerism encourages people to gather in front of stores for hours before , when they rush to the stores by pushing others. This example at Wal-Mart brings out the selfishness and greed of people.
To my mind, I believe these 2,000 people are in charge of the death of the employee (à mettre au pluriel). The shopper is upset and “out-of-control”, such rabid animals. More (many?) customers were angrily (tu as mis l'adverbe au lieu de l'adjectif) when they learned that the store closed because someone died "trampled." What an inhumanity!
Go (going) to the sales becomes "vital" and necessary to survive. But where does the world go? (mal dit) Do the solidarity and mutual aid always exist? Moreover People only think to purchase and consume more and more.
To conclude, people should have thought and helped (pourquoi le conditionnel passé et non présent?) other. However, our consumer society prevents us from living fully without money. Nevertheless, I hope very much that Mr. Damour's family will recover because no everybody is like this: selfish and ruthless.



Réponse: Expression/correction de berenice15, postée le 17-02-2013 à 17:58:18 (S | E)
d'accord, merci




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