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Help /Protection Bill

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Help /Protection Bill
Message de majicb75 posté le 22-01-2013 à 01:31:32 (S | E | F)
Hello,
I am still practicing for my English test and I need your help improving my writing. Here’s an example of a report that I have to write for the test.
Thank you for your answers.


The case of John Smith has been reported to the Director of Youth Protection under the Child Protection Bill. We are concerned about his safety and his development. It’s been reported that John has witness fighting between his parents. John has been diagnose with conduct disorder, attention deficit disorder, anxiety disorder, dysphasia and dyspraxia. His mother feels overwhelm and don’t think that she can care for him anymore. She’s asking us to place him in foster care.
John is 16 and the elder of three children, he has a 10 years old sister and a 7 years old brother. His parents divorced when he was 2 and he’s mother has full custody. His father has visiting rights but he haven’t seen him since he was 8. His mother has a few boyfriends who were all abusive to her and her children.
This family has been reported a few times before but after evaluation, the facts were not founded. A social worker was involved with the family but it was on a voluntary basis. The mother didn’t get along with the social worker and ended his involvement. Since then, the family haven’t receive any services.
John has display violent behaviors in school and at home. He has punch walls, threaten his mother and neighbour, started fire and hit classmates. He’s been suspended from school numerous time and has to attend a school for teenagers with behavioral problems. An educator has been assigned to help him control his anger and find better ways to express his feelings. From his report, he stated that there is some improvement and there is a decrease in his violent behaviors. But now, his mother feels that she can’t handle him anymore.

For our assessment, we conducted interview with the mother, John and the school to help us getting a better understanding of the situation. The mother explains to us that she has a hard time setting limits and boundaries for John. She feel disrespected and can’t see a solutions to the situation. John agrees that he is out of control but take no responsibilities in the situation. He thinks that his mother has to change her ways and not him. The school reported to us that John can control himself but he needs to feel that the adults are in control and able to set him limits.

Our assessment of the situation is that there is a need for the mother to improve her parenting skills and learn to set appropriate limits for her son. John needs to control his anger and use better ways of expressing it.

We recommend that John stay in the custody of his mother.
We recommend that help and assistance must be provide to the mother in order to help her improve her parenting skills.
We recommend that John keeps attending school.
We recommend that a social worker must be involve in the family in order to improve the situation.
We recommend one year follow-up by a delegate of the Youth Protection services.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 22-01-2013 07:50


Réponse: Help /Protection Bill de notrepere, postée le 22-01-2013 à 02:37:28 (S | E)
Bonjour

Overall, your text is very good and you've made a lot of the same mistakes throughout your text. Pay attention to the proper construction of the present perfect and the changes in spelling and form for the 3rd person (doesn't vs don't)(haven't vs hasn't) etc. In the final paragraph, I think using the subjunctive like you have in the first sentence can be maintained for the other sentences. If you're not sure how to use the subjunctive in English, there are some tests on this site that can help you.

The case of John Smith has been reported to the Director of Youth Protection under the Child Protection Bill. We are concerned about his safety and his development. It’s been reported that John has witness(temps) fighting between his parents. John has been diagnosetemps with conduct disorder (Does this disorder really exist?), attention deficit disorder, anxiety disorder, dysphasia and dyspraxia (My goodness he has a lot of disorders!!). His mother feels overwhelm(temps) and don’t(accorde) think that she can care for him anymore. She’s asking us to place him in foster care.
John is 16 and the elder of three children[point] he has(choix de verbe; on emploie 'be' en anglais) a 10 years old sister and a 7 years old brother. His parents divorced when he was 2 and he’s ( possessif) mother has full custody. His father has visiting rights but he haven’t(accorde) seen him since he was 8. His mother has a few boyfriends who were all abusive to her and her children.
This family has been reported a few times before but after evaluation, the facts were not founded. A social worker was involved with the family but it was on a voluntary basis. The mother didn’t get along with the social worker and ended his involvement. Since then, the family haven’t(accorde) receive(temps) any services.
John has display(temps) violent behaviors in school and at home. He has punch(temps) walls, threaten(temps) his mother and neighbour, started fire(pluriel) and hit classmates. He’s been suspended from school numerous time(pluriel) and has to attend a school for teenagers with behavioral problems. An educator has been assigned to help him control his anger and find better ways to express his feelings. From his report, he stated that there is some improvement and there is a decrease in his violent behaviors. But now, his mother feels that she can’t handle him anymore.

For our assessment, we conducted interview(il faut un article avant ou un mot au pluriel) with the mother, John and the school to help us getting a better understanding of the situation. The mother explains(au temps) to us that she has a hard time setting limits and boundaries for John. She feel(accorde) disrespected and can’t see a solutions (accorde) to the situation. John agrees that he is out of control but take(accorde) no responsibilities in the situation. He thinks that his mother has to change her ways and not him. The school reported to us that John can control himself but he needs to feel that the adults are in control and able to set him limits.

Our assessment of the situation is that there is a need for the mother to improve her parenting skills and learn to set appropriate limits for her son. John needs to control his anger and use better ways of expressing it.

We recommend that John stay in the custody of his mother.
We recommend that help and assistance must be provide(temps) to the mother in order to help her improve her parenting skills.
We recommend that John keeps attending school.
We recommend that a social worker must be involved in the family in order to improve the situation.
We recommend a one year follow-up by a delegate of the Youth Protection services.

-------------------
Modifié par notrepere le 22-01-2013 03:45






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