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Rédaction/ correction

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Rédaction/ correction
Message de man0une posté le 25-11-2012 à 21:09:43 (S | E | F)
Bonjour/Bonsoir ,

j'ai une rédaction à faire pour mercredi en anglais, et cela à partir de 4 textes où je dois dire ce qui m'a le plus marqué dans chacun d'eux. donc à chaque texte , un paragraphe. Dans l'introduction je dois annoncer la chose , et dans la conclusion donner mon avis : j'aimerais / je n'aimerais pas ..
Je poste donc ce message dans l'espoir que vous m'aidiez à corriger mes fautes .. qui seront nombreuses je suppose, notamment en ce qui concerne les temps .. =/
Merci d'avance ..

Intro :
« Holidays », a word generally taken for/ assimilated to a period where you do anything except being on the beach. But there're so many way to spend their holidays. Obviously, you can bask on the sun, doing nothing except eat ice creams, and go out to a nightclub. But you can also spend your time doing sport, and even go to a foreign country to have a change of scene and discover people, or help the planet and the environment. Thanks to four texts we're going to see different way to spend holidays.

text 1
In the first text , Stan Vicich, David Trapnell and others have been on holidays in order to help scientists track local koalas on St.Bees Island instead of spend holidays doing nothing but go(ing) brown, enjoying a cocktail poolside. In the text it is mentioned that there are more and more organizations which proposed volunteers vacations. It means there are more and more people who want to go to help the planet.I think one clear image emerges out of these details, it is the image of someone who is very
big-hearted, thinking of the others before himself and who is very courageous. People who leave to do humanitarian feel concerned by the fate of each people and, by what is going on the Earth, in countries different of their own. Moreover, the advantage of such holidays is that besides helping people, you can see the world and places you never seen before, and this on the cheap.

text2
In this text, a woman named Liz Hall, has been to Morocco to discover a culture different ofhers, with the intention of discover the local population. What is striking is that she's gone to a foreign country without any travelling companions. This is the image of a brave and reckless woman ! Because if something happened to her, she's alone , and no one could help her.
In order to know Morocco's women she goes to a hammam where she meet women. They took off their clothes and spoke of their life. I find my reaction to this is one of shock and surprise. Shock because of their shamelessly, in fact, they take off their clothes in front of a woman they don't know, they also lack reserve because they talk about their private life. And Surprise, because it shows their extraordinary open-mindedness and sociability.Moreover, women who are in the hammam speak a broken English, but in spite of , they
manage to communicate, and joke. This prove the language is not an obstacle.

text 3

text 4

Conclusion
In each text, protagonists show a lot of courage.
According to me, ideal holidays/ vacations come down to drink a cocktail at the seaside in a place where you can see you feet through the water. It's go for a walk, do shopping, and discover new cultures, new things and live it up every night till the early hours of the morning.But, even if I like bask in the sun/ lounge in the sun, I'd be quite happy to spend my holidays doing humanitarian. It could be rewarding experience, because it's a really good way to help his fellow man, to protect environment and help endangered species. But it's also a way to discover new horizons. On the contrary, spend my holidays doing sport .. wouldn't be something to me except if it's a sport I really enjoy.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 25-11-2012 21:14


Réponse: Rédaction/ correction de perfectamr, postée le 25-11-2012 à 22:35:23 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Intro :
« Holidays », a word generally assimilated to a period where you do anything except stay on the beach. But there're so many ways to spend their holidays. Obviously, you can bask on the sun, do nothing except eat ice creams, and go out to the nightclub. However you can also spend your time with sport, and even go to a foreign country to have a change of scene and discover people, or help the planet and the environment. Thanks to four texts we're going to see several ways to spend our holidays.
Cordialement Amr

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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-11-2012 21:28



Réponse: Rédaction/ correction de csb, postée le 26-11-2012 à 17:16:33 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Je repars de ce qu'a proposé perfectamr:

Intro :
« Holidays », a word generally assimilated to a period where you do nothing but stay on the beach. But there're so many ways to spend holidays. Obviously, you can bask on the sun, do nothing but eat ice creams, and go out to the nightclub. However, (virgule obligatoire après however) you can also spend your time doing sport, and even go to a foreign country to get a change of air and meet people, or help the planet and the environment. Thanks to those four texts we're going to discuss several ways to spend holidays.

Hope this helps!



Réponse: Rédaction/ correction de csb, postée le 26-11-2012 à 17:20:08 (S | E)
Oups, j'ai oublié de corriger un petit truc:

il faut dire (ligne 1) "a period when" et non pas "a period where"!!
en effet, "period" revoie à un moment, une durée; un temps donc. Il faut donc when qui renvoie à du temps et non where (qui renvoie à un lieu).
C'était important de le corriger



Réponse: Rédaction/ correction de man0une, postée le 26-11-2012 à 18:15:17 (S | E)
Merci pour votre aide en ce qui concerne l'introduction ! :D




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