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Dissertation/Correction

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Dissertation/Correction
Message de princessblood posté le 25-02-2012 à 15:04:23 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

Pourriez-vous m'aider à corriger ma dissertation s'il vous plaît? Ca m'aiderait beaucoup.
Merci d'avance.

After we read the article published in Newsweek by Ian MacKINNON on Monday 14th July 2003, we can wonder about the validity of parents’ reasoning thanks to the following question : do we think such methods qualify as an abuse of power? It is interesting first to note that there is no an only one answer but two. In this scenario, we have to emphasize that two entities are involved : the child and the parents that is to say the victim and the culprits, or the one who suffers and those who are responsible. An abuse of power even if it is legal term, it is a mean of expressing one’s own opinion. It remains a word full of prejudiced judgment. Indeed, depending on one’s experiences and mind, a person can think whether or not a practice is an abuse of power. So, the methods used by the parents of Swati can be truly considered to be an abuse of power? And if we think so, is it not a bit too exaggerated? In the first place, we are going to get right into part of Priya and his husband and look at carefully the situation in order to see if their methods are really justified. Then, putting ourselves in Swati’s shoes, we judge the facts in victim’s point of view and deduce if a French adolescent can tolerate such intrusion in their private life.

First of all, we have to address the problem in according to the father and the mother. I imagine that the same situation happens to me in France. I’m trying to shed light on the reasons of my parents to hire a private detective to investigate my activities, to spy on me during my nocturne life. The first argument that I think and the one who is the most obvious is the worry about my life. It is a reason replies answering to the logic of altruism. I give cause of concern. My parents are afraid that I throw away my life, that I will unable to do what I want later because of my bad reports. My mother want I me to not depend of others, to be free. My father wants my financial bloom and thinks my behaviour will hamper my development, my well-being. My emancipation is harmful to me. Therefore, for my future joy, they have to make me sad betraying me. Paradoxically to be free I have to begin being prisoner of my studies. The second reason that can account for their methods and enhance their selfishness is their fear for investment. In fact, I am, as every child, the object of plentiful investments and hopes because we are the safest mean to rise in the society. We can be either a subject of pride or one of shame. But it is a risk that a lot of parents take because it is one of the better and simplest way to enter in the upper-class sphere by a good match or good connections. It is incumbent upon us, the children, the difficult task not to say a real burden. Even though we are over 18, the family’s honour is in our hands. My parents entrust me with the responsibility to make them rich. A failure would be fatal to the relationship between me and them. A third reason that comes reinforce that I bring hope is I mirrors a comfortable future. My parents think to rely on me their old days. As though it is obvious that I will be inevitably over the moon if I be responsible for supporting my parents. This need of financial security is exacerbate because our society is in the middle of an important crisis. As a result we notice the facts that unemployment is on the rise, jobs increasingly insecure, and the retirement synonym of lack of comfort, of precariousness and depression. So, daughters and sons embody the perfect solution to parents’ problem. So their fears due to my adolescent madness, my drop in class are just so many factors being able to shake their dreams that I have to fulfill. So to insure their peace and quiet, a private detective keeps tabs on me night and day. Finally, the latest argument that I manage to discover is specific to the French tradition. It is the one of reputation. And the reputation is opposed to gossip, rumours. People pay too much heed of what people might say because they believe if the social title, résumé is sullied, is equivalent to a social death, a drop in status, the eternal shame on the family. In short, they consequently think my partying like dangerous enemy who wants at all costs ruin my life, theirs and the ones of generations following. Perhaps they are frightened of the irreparable effects. In other words, the deep hatred that I would be subject. If we considered all this reasons, we have to put into perspective the qualification of “abuse of power”. In my opinion is still one, but not one full of nastiness, of inferiority complex. I tend to think it is an abuse more sane because although it’s probably most of all to leave themselves a way out, parents they take care of our future. With hindsight, I can try to stamp out my absolute disgust at manners of the sort. This leads me on to my next point of view : Swati’thoughts, mine too and so the ones of children who suffer of this type of abuse of power.

On the one hand, I can’t help thinking that such methods, make spy on their daughter, are really an abuse of power. I’m a person. I have my own life with my own friends, own activities and my own hopes. Therefore, my parents don’t have a say in what I do and how I organize my days and weeks. I don’t mind if they don’t approve of my behavior. It is their problem, not mine. On the other hand, I demand, I require the fact I am considered to be a human being. I am not an animal. I can do my own choices as long as I don’t bother my parents in their house. I am free. So if I encroach upon their freedom I am free to go out with anyone, to hang around with friends, to roamed the streets at night, and accumulate memories of a lot of parties. From the age of 18, I am responsible of my acts. So if I am 23 years old like Swati, take into account the family’s wishes. Because parents believe they are responsible for us, sometimes even speaking as if we are objects that belong to them, they think it is their role to control our life and rectify our path if we wander from the straight and narrow. I reckon that they can give us advice but only if we ask it to them. If they just attempt to interfere in our life, it’s not good. And it will probably not help us because we have to fly on our own wings. Otherwise, we don’t learn how the life works. So it wrongs us more than anything else. That’s why it is important that there is a break. If not, we can describe the relationship as overprotection. To some extent, teenage crisis is a little part, or a beginning of the irrepressible need of detachment, independence for teenagers. The goal is to distance oneself from parents more often than not thanks to a contradiction, a conflict with parental wisdom. Furthermore, if they keep showing their desire to control their children, we can consider this attitude to be an attack on the fundamental rights, persecution and therefore to be an abuse of power.

At first glace we can be appalled by the methods of spying. If the child discovers that their parents have hired a private detective, this precise moment signals a breaking-off of a relationship based on trust and love. Does it worth the effort ? Is it necessary to be driven to extremes at the risk of losing their child? Of losing definitely the love of their beloved child not just because they wanted to protect but because there is betrayal. On second thoughts nevertheless, we can think the reasons are coherent and legitimate. But even if we can find good extenuating circumstances to a killer, there is still murder. So if we can understand the reasons of their wrongdoing, acts remain reprehensible. The anger of child is justifiable. For this reason and in spite of all, in my view it remains an abuse of power. Parents have not the right of choice on the life of their children. Consequently, I maintain that such methods are an abuse of power on the part of parents.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 25-02-2012 15:41



Réponse: Dissertation/Correction de princessblood, postée le 25-02-2012 à 19:36:15 (S | E)
Personne ne pourrait m'aider? Même pour un paragraphe?



Réponse: Dissertation/Correction de notrepere, postée le 25-02-2012 à 20:43:53 (S | E)
Bonjour

After we read the article published in Newsweek by Ian MacKINNON on Monday 14th July 2003, we can wonder about the validity of parents’ reasoning thanks to the following question : do we think such methods qualify as an abuse of power? It is interesting first to note that there is no an only (not only?) one answer but two. In this scenario, we have to emphasize that two entities are involved : the child and the parents. That is to say the victim and the culprits, or the one who suffers and those who are responsible. An abuse of power even if it is a legal term, it is a means of expressing one’s own opinion. It remains a word full of prejudiced judgment. Indeed, depending on one’s experiences and mind, a person can think whether or not a practice is an abuse of power. So, the methods used by the parents of Swati can (mal placé) be truly considered to be an abuse of power? And if we think so, is it not a bit too exaggerated? In the first place, we are going to get right into the part of Priya and his husband and look at (mal placé) carefully the situation in order to see if their methods are really justified. Then, putting ourselves in Swati’s shoes, we will judge the facts in (mauvaise préposition) victim’s point of view and deduce if a French adolescent can could/should/would (le choix dépend de le sens) tolerate such intrusion in their private lives.

First of all, we have to address the problem in according to the father and the mother. I imagine that the same situation happens to me in France. I’m trying to shed light on the reasons of my parents to hire a(à reformuler) private detective to investigate my activities, to spy on me during my nocturnal life. The first argument that I think and the one who is the most obvious is the worry about my life. It is a reason replies answering to the logic of altruism. It gives cause of concern. My parents are afraid that I throw (forme continue) away my life, that I will be unable to do what I want later because of my bad reports. My mother want(accorde) I me to not depend(not avant l'infinitif) of others, to be free. My father wants my financial bloom(mal dit) and thinks my behaviour will hamper my development, my well-being. My emancipation is harmful to me. Therefore, for my future joy, they have to make me sad betraying me. Paradoxically to be free I have to begin being prisoner of a slave to my studies. The second reason that can account for their methods and enhance their selfishness is their fear for investment. In fact, I am, as every child, the object of plentiful investments and hopes because we are the safest mean to rise in the society.(cette phrase n'a beaucoup de sens) We can be either a subject of pride or one of shame. But it is a risk that a lot of parents take because it is one of the best and simplest ways to enter in the upper-class sphere by a good match or good connections. It is incumbent upon us, the children, the difficult task not to say mention a real burden. Even though we are over 18, the family’s honour is in our hands. My parents entrust me with the responsibility to make them rich. A failure would be fatal to the relationship between me and them. A third reason that comes reinforce that I bring hope is I mirrors a comfortable future. My parents think to rely on me in their old days old age/later years.



Réponse: Dissertation/Correction de princessblood, postée le 26-02-2012 à 09:25:01 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup! Quelqu'un voudrait bien m'aider pour le reste? À savoir :

As though it is obvious that I will be inevitably over the moon if I be responsible for supporting my parents. This need of financial security is exacerbate because our society is in the middle of an important crisis. As a result we notice the facts that unemployment is on the rise, jobs increasingly insecure, and the retirement synonym of lack of comfort, of precariousness and depression. So, daughters and sons embody the perfect solution to parents’ problem. So their fears due to my adolescent madness, my drop in class are just so many factors being able to shake their dreams that I have to fulfill. So to insure their peace and quiet, a private detective keeps tabs on me night and day. Finally, the latest argument that I manage to discover is specific to the French tradition. It is the one of reputation. And the reputation is opposed to gossip, rumours. People pay too much heed of what people might say because they believe if the social title, résumé is sullied, is equivalent to a social death, a drop in status, the eternal shame on the family. In short, they consequently think my partying like dangerous enemy who wants at all costs ruin my life, theirs and the ones of generations following. Perhaps they are frightened of the irreparable effects. In other words, the deep hatred that I would be subject. If we considered all this reasons, we have to put into perspective the qualification of “abuse of power”. In my opinion is still one, but not one full of nastiness, of inferiority complex. I tend to think it is an abuse more sane because although it’s probably most of all to leave themselves a way out, parents they take care of our future. With hindsight, I can try to stamp out my absolute disgust at manners of the sort. This leads me on to my next point of view : Swati’thoughts, mine too and so the ones of children who suffer of this type of abuse of power.
On the one hand, I can’t help thinking that such methods, make spy on their daughter, are really an abuse of power. I’m a person. I have my own life with my own friends, own activities and my own hopes. Therefore, my parents don’t have a say in what I do and how I organize my days and weeks. I don’t mind if they don’t approve of my behavior. It is their problem, not mine. On the other hand, I demand, I require the fact I am considered to be a human being. I am not an animal. I can do my own choices as long as I don’t bother my parents in their house. I am free. So if I encroach upon their freedom I am free to go out with anyone, to hang around with friends, to roamed the streets at night, and accumulate memories of a lot of parties. From the age of 18, I am responsible of my acts. So if I am 23 years old like Swati, take into account the family’s wishes. Because parents believe they are responsible for us, sometimes even speaking as if we are objects that belong to them, they think it is their role to control our life and rectify our path if we wander from the straight and narrow. I reckon that they can give us advice but only if we ask it to them. If they just attempt to interfere in our life, it’s not good. And it will probably not help us because we have to fly on our own wings. Otherwise, we don’t learn how the life works. So it wrongs us more than anything else. That’s why it is important that there is a break. If not, we can describe the relationship as overprotection. To some extent, teenage crisis is a little part, or a beginning of the irrepressible need of detachment, independence for teenagers. The goal is to distance oneself from parents more often than not thanks to a contradiction, a conflict with parental wisdom. Furthermore, if they keep showing their desire to control their children, we can consider this attitude to be an attack on the fundamental rights, persecution and therefore to be an abuse of power.
At first glace we can be appalled by the methods of spying. If the child discovers that their parents have hired a private detective, this precise moment signals a breaking-off of a relationship based on trust and love. Does it worth the effort ? Is it necessary to be driven to extremes at the risk of losing their child? Of losing definitely the love of their beloved child not just because they wanted to protect but because there is betrayal. On second thoughts nevertheless, we can think the reasons are coherent and legitimate. But even if we can find good extenuating circumstances to a killer, there is still murder. So if we can understand the reasons of their wrongdoing, acts remain reprehensible. The anger of child is justifiable. For this reason and in spite of all, in my view it remains an abuse of power. Parents have not the right of choice on the life of their children. Consequently, I maintain that such methods are an abuse of power on the part of parents.




Réponse: Dissertation/Correction de princessblood, postée le 26-02-2012 à 18:52:19 (S | E)
Par pitié, une dernière aide. Je dois rendre ma dissertation demain matin. S'il vous plait!



Réponse: Dissertation/Correction de lucile83, postée le 26-02-2012 à 21:35:00 (S | E)
Hello

As though it is obvious that I will be inevitably over the moon if I be responsible for supporting my parents. This need of financial security is exacerbated because our society is in the middle of an important crisis. As a result we notice the facts that unemployment is on the rise, jobs increasingly insecure, and the retirement synonym of lack of comfort, of precariousness and depression. So, daughters and sons embody the perfect solution to parents’ problem. So their fears due to my adolescent madness, my drop in class are just so many factors being able to shake their dreams that I have to fulfill. So to insure their peace and quiet, a private detective keeps tabs on me night and day. Finally, the latest argument that I manage to discover is specific to the French tradition. It is the one of reputation. And the reputation is opposed to gossip, rumours. People pay too much heed of what people might say because they believe if the social title, résumé is sullied,it is equivalent to a social death, a drop in status, the eternal shame on the family. In short, they consequently think my partying like dangerous enemy who wants at all costs ruin my life, theirs and the ones of generations following. Perhaps they are frightened of the irreparable effects. In other words, the deep hatred that I would be subject. If we consider(ed) all this plural reasons, we have to put into perspective the qualification of “abuse of power”. In my opinion it is still one, but not one full of nastiness, of inferiority complex. I tend to think it is an abuse more sane because although it’s probably most of all to leave themselves a way out, parents (they) take care of our future. With hindsight, I can try to stamp out my absolute disgust at manners of the sort. This leads me on to my next point of view : Swati’thoughts, mine too and so thus/then the ones of children who suffer of from this type of abuse of power.

Vous auriez sans doute pu poster plus tôt....




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