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Text /Gregory case

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Text /Gregory case
Message de boahancock posté le 31-12-2011 à 14:59:23 (S | E | F)
Hello everybody,

I had a text to write about the famous Gregory case. I'll tell it to my class on January 19th. This is the text, can you explain me what my mistakes are ? ( I forgot the verb, oops !)
Thanks for reading me ! Enjoy !

In the Gregory case, a little boy aged 4 was killed. A mysterious blackmailer alerted the family . The following day, that is October 17th,1984, an anonymous letter addressed to Jean-Marie Villemin said that Gregory was killed: « I hope that you’ll die of sorrow, boss. It isn’t your money that’ll resurrect your son. Here is my revenge, poor shithead. » This blackmailer was harassing(cela durait dans le passé) the Villemin couple approximately since four years. So Gregory’s death was the outcome of the uttered threats for these four last years.

Bernard Laroche was the first accused .He was accused by Murielle Bolle, his sister in law who was aged 15. Later, she said that she was lying but Bernard was still accused of crime by the judge of Epinal, Jean-Michel Lambert, on November, 5th, 1984. Afterwards, many people said that the Gregory’s mother was at the Post Office when the murder took place. That was a very important element in this affair because three of her fellow workers agree the same thing. Meanwhile, on July 5th 1985, the judge accused Christine Villemin of the murder. The evidence against her were: a new graphological study wich meant she was probably the blackmailer and the same cords which attached Gregory were found in her home.Eleven days later, the indictment of Nancy(chambre d'accusation de Nancy) wich noted the total absence of evidence against her, let she free.Her case dramatically divides the actors(les acteurs de l'affaire, cela me semble juste ) of the affair, between(entre ceux, dois je mettre : there are those ... and there are also those ... ? ) those who are convinced of her innocence and those who consider her guilty.There were many blunders: violations of the confidentiality of investigations and privacy; biases of the press; carelessness of the investigators in gathering evidence and judges indecision.

Following the shortcomings of the criminal investigation in this case, the government decided the creation of the Technical Division of Criminal Investigation (STIC) :en français c'est la Section Technique d'Investigation Criminelle: , a future Criminal Research Institute of the National Gendarmerie.Christine Villemin had finally a dismissal of the charges on February 3th , 1993, no case made for "total absence of charges," a first in criminal law (it was thus noted that the investigation file was empty in charges against her, usually a dismissal of the charges were made for lack of evidence or sufficient evidence in the case of Christine Villemin the dismissal made is a real rehabilitation).Jean-Marie Villemin is on trial for the murder of Bernard Laroche in November 1993 in Dijon. After six weeks of hearings, he was sentenced to five years imprisonment with a suspended sentence. Two weeks later, having served most of his sentence in pretrial detention, he was released.

At the request of the parents of the child, in June 2000, the investigation is reopened and hope is revived DNA analysis of half a stamp that could contain the saliva of the "Blackmailor". But the analysis are impossible, the experts said the DNA inexploitable.En May 2002, the Court of Appeal of Versailles condemned the State to pay 63,000 euros to Mary Angelo Laroche and Muriel Bolle for compensation for an "inability to fulfill its mission "and said there was a" lack total control and in the conduct of the investigation and instruction".

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 31-12-2011 15:15

-------------------
Modifié par boahancock le 31-12-2011 16:17



Réponse: Text /Gregory case de sherry48, postée le 31-12-2011 à 17:32:52 (S | E)
Hello boahancock.

Here are some things to take another look at. (*=word or words missing-- spelling)
In the Gregory case, ... This blackmailer was harassing(cela durait dans le passé) (it began in the past and continued over 4 years-use past perfect continuous) the Villemin couple approximately since (since doesn't work here-you can use a different preposition) four years. ..
Afterwards, many people said that the Gregory’s mother was at the Post Office when the murder took place. That was a very important element in this affair because three of her fellow workers agree the same thing. The evidence against her were (doesn't agree with the subject): a new graphological study wich meant she was probably the blackmailer and the same cords which attached (wrong word) Gregory were found in her home.Eleven days later, the indictment of Nancy(chambre d'accusation de Nancy) wich noted the total absence of evidence against her, let she (not a subject pronoun) free.
Christine Villemin had finally a dismissal of the charges Consider using 'the charges' as your subject, for a sentence that might sound more natural) on February 3th , 1993,
At the request of the parents of the child (simplify with a possessive noun and fewer prepositions), in June 2000, the investigation is reopened and hope is revived * DNA analysis of half a stamp that could contain the saliva of the "Blackmailor". But the analysis are impossible...

I can look at it again later, but maybe someone else would like to help too.
Bonne continuation.
Sherry



Réponse: Text /Gregory case de boahancock, postée le 31-12-2011 à 19:52:29 (S | E)
Hello and thanks a lot !

In the Gregory case, ... This blackmailer had been harassing the Villemin couple approximately for four years. ..
Afterwards, many people said that the mother of Gregory was at the Post Office when the murder took place. That was a very important element in this affair because three of her fellow workers agree the same thing. The evidence against her was: a new graphological study which meant she was probably the blackmailer and the same cords which bound Gregory were found in her home.Eleven days later, the indictment of Nancy which noted the total absence of evidence against her, let her free.
The charges against her were finally dropped on February 3th , 1993.
The request of the child's parents, in June 2000, was that the investigation was reopened and hope was revived * DNA analysis of half a stamp that could contain the saliva of the "Blackmailer". But the analysis were impossible...

Did I work correctly ?

boahancock



Réponse: Text /Gregory case de sherry48, postée le 31-12-2011 à 20:26:08 (S | E)
Hello boahancock.
three of her fellow workers agree (do you want present tense here?)
The request of the child's parents, in June 2000, was that the investigation was (This is a request, there is no certainty that it will be granted...what tense can you use?) reopened and hope was revived
more for you to look at...check the definition of alerted to see if it's the word you want.
an anonymous letter addressed to Jean-Marie Villemin said that Gregory was killed:
Bernard Laroche was the first * accused--I would add the verb to be here.
sister in law
let her * free-this phrase usually has another verb here.
Her case dramatically divides
I suggest you repost the passage in its entirety with your corrections, to make it easier to see your corrections.
Bonne continuation.
Sherry



Réponse: Text /Gregory case de boahancock, postée le 01-01-2012 à 14:55:35 (S | E)
This is my text actually , thanks ! :

In the Gregory case, a little boy aged 4 was killed. A mysterious blackmailer alerted the family . The following day, that is October 17th,1984, an anonymous letter addressed to Jean-Marie Villemin said that Gregory had been killed: « I hope that you’ll die of sorrow, boss. It isn’t your money that’ll resurrect your son. Here is my revenge, poor shithead. » This blackmailer had been harassing the Villemin couple approximately since four years. So the Gregory’s death was the outcome of the uttered threats for these four last years.

Bernard Laroche was the first to be accused .He was accused by Murielle Bolle, his sister in law who was aged 15. Later, she said that she was lying but Bernard was still accused of crime by the judge of Epinal, Jean-Michel Lambert, on November, 5th, 1984. Afterwards, many people said that the mother of Gregory was at the Post Office when the murder took place. That was a very important element in this affair because three of her fellow workers agreed the same thing. Meanwhile, on July 5th 1985, the judge accused Christine Villemin of the murder. The evidence against her was: a new graphological study which meant she was probably the blackmailer and the same cords which attached Gregory were found in her home.Eleven days later, the indictment of Nancy which noted the total absence of evidence against her, let her to be free.Her case dramatically divided the actors of the affair, between those who were convinced of her innocence and those who considered her guilty.There were many blunders: violations of the confidentiality of investigations and privacy; biases of the press; carelessness of the investigators in gathering evidence and judges indecision.

Following the shortcomings of the criminal investigation in this case, the government decided the creation of the Technical Division of Criminal Investigation (STIC, a future Criminal Research Institute of the National Gendarmerie.The charges against her were finally dropped on February 3th , 1993, no case made for "total absence of charges," a first in criminal law (it was thus noted that the investigation file was empty in charges against her, usually a dismissal of the charges were made for lack of evidence or sufficient evidence in the case of Christine Villemin the dismissal made is a real rehabilitation).Jean-Marie Villemin is on trial for the murder of Bernard Laroche in November 1993 in Dijon. After six weeks of hearings, he was sentenced to five years imprisonment with a suspended sentence. Two weeks later, having served most of his sentence in pretrial detention, he was released.

The request of the child's parents, in June 2000, would be(but it is in the past, and would be is present !) that the investigation is (traduit par "soit" en français, pour que ça concorde ?) reopened and hope is revived thanks to DNA analysis of half a stamp that could contain the saliva of the "Blackmailer". But the analysis were impossible.... But the analysis are impossible, the experts said the DNA inexploitable.En May 2002, the Court of Appeal of Versailles condemned the State to pay 63,000 euros to Mary Angelo Laroche and Muriel Bolle for compensation for an "inability to fulfill its mission "and said there was a" lack total control and in the conduct of the investigation and instruction".



Réponse: Text /Gregory case de sherry48, postée le 01-01-2012 à 22:39:00 (S | E)
Hello again boahancock.
1.approximately since four years--you need a different preposition, and I would place it before approximately
2.So the Gregory’s death was the outcome --you added 'the', it was not in the original post
3.these four last years--incorrect order-invert four and last
4.sister in law -look this up in the dictionary to see what more is needed to make this correct
5.Bernard was still accused of crime by the judge - needs an article
6.November, 5th, 1984-July 5th 1985-February 3th , 1993-correct the date format
7.three of her fellow workers agreed the same thing--what preposition can go after this verb?
8. let her to be free-in , it's common to say let her go free
9. Her case dramatically divided the actors of the affair--it's an unusual phrase...maybe you could start with opinions instead of actors being divided
10. In this sentence...There were many blunders: violations of the confidentiality of investigations and privacy; biases of the press; carelessness of the investigators in gathering evidence and judges indecision...consider using the same format for judges indecision as you used for the other blunders.
11. the government decided the creation of the Technical Division of Criminal Investigation-the verb form seems better than the noun.
12. I have started this sentence, it's up to you to finish it...At the request of the child's parents, the investigation was reopened and hope ...
That's all for now. Sherry



Réponse: Text /Gregory case de boahancock, postée le 02-01-2012 à 11:18:03 (S | E)
1.forapproximately since four years-- I think the preposition is "for", because in class I only learnt for and since, or during but it is not for a duration like years ...
2.So the Gregory’s death was the outcome --Yes, it was not .
3.these last four years-- now the order is correct.
4.sister-in-law -There are dashes .
5.Bernard was still accused of the crime by the judge
6.on November 5, 1984- on July 5, 1985-on February 3, 1993 - I looked at wikipedia .
7.three of her fellow workers agreed to the same thing-- I think it's "to".
8.let her go free (you corrected)
9.Opinion were dramatically divided by this case : there were those who considered her guilty and there were also those who claimed her innocence.--Is that correct ?
10. There were many blunders: violations of the confidentiality of investigations and privacy; biases of the press; carelessness of the investigators in gathering evidence and there were also indecision of judges... Yes, I forgot to use the preposition "for", in this case .
11. the government created of the Technical Division of Criminal
12.At the request of the child's parents, the investigation was reopened and hope was revived thanks to the DNA analysis of half a stamp that could contain the saliva of the "Blackmailer". But the analysis were impossible...
-------------------
Modifié par boahancock le 02-01-2012 11:19



Réponse: Text /Gregory case de sherry48, postée le 02-01-2012 à 13:06:37 (S | E)
Hello again.
Nice job on the corrections, most of them are good! Fix these 3 problems with subject/verb agreement.
9. Opinion were-
10. there were also indecision
12.But the analysis were impossible
11. the government created of the Technical Division
Have a nice day.
Sherry



Réponse: Text /Gregory case de boahancock, postée le 02-01-2012 à 18:43:23 (S | E)
Hello again ! :-)

Thanks a lot for helping me !

I corrected these sentences :

9. Opinion were was ( It is not a very clever mistake !)
10. there were was also indecision ( what mistake ! I think I'm very tired :-( )
12.But the analysis were was impossible
11. the government created of(i forgot to remove it when i replace the noun creation by the verb to create i think) the Technical Division


Thanks for your help !

boahancock :-))




Réponse: Text /Gregory case de sherry48, postée le 02-01-2012 à 19:07:16 (S | E)
Hello boahancock, you haven't seen the last of me yet!
Just a few more things I didn't address previously.
1.it was thus noted that the investigation file was empty in (I think a different preposition is better here) charges against her, usually a dismissal of the charges were made (agreement)

2.Jean-Marie Villemin is on trial for the murder of Bernard Laroche in November 1993 in Dijon. (It might sound better if you avoid using 'in' twice. You could say the ____ murder of... )

3.the experts said the DNA inexploitable (a different word?...is there a verb here?). En May 2002, the Court of Appeals() of Versailles condemned (different word?) the State to pay 63,000 euros

4."and said there was a" lack total control and in the conduct of the investigation and instruction". (Since this is a quote, check your source--it seems to be missing a preposition.)
I think it's finished, but if anyone sees something I missed, feel free to jump in. Sherry



Réponse: Text /Gregory case de boahancock, postée le 03-01-2012 à 18:48:25 (S | E)
Hello again ! :-)

Here are my corrections :


1.it was thus noted that the investigation file was empty of charges against her, usually she had finally an acquittal.

2.In November 1993, the murder of Bernard Laroche was the cause of the trial of JM Villemin. It took place around Dijon.

3.the experts said the DNA was unusable. In May 2002, the Court of Appeals of Versailles sentenced the State to pay 63,000 euros.

4."and said there was a" total lack of control and in the conduct of the investigation and instruction". (Since this is a quote, check your source--it seems to be missing a preposition.)


Thanks for your help Sherry ! :-)



Réponse: Text /Gregory case de sherry48, postée le 03-01-2012 à 21:46:29 (S | E)
Hello boahancock.

1.it was thus noted that the investigation file was empty of charges against her, usually she had finally an acquittal.

3.Condemned and sentenced are used for a person. Since this is money, try a different verb. I can think of 2...

You've done a great job, even when I wasn't very specific about what the problem was!
Sherry




Réponse: Text /Gregory case de boahancock, postée le 04-01-2012 à 19:16:17 (S | E)
Hello Sherry ! :-)

Here are my corrections :
1.it was thus noted that the investigation file was empty of charges against her, usually she had finally an acquittal after all .

3.Condemned and sentenced are used for a person. Since this is money, try a different verb. I can think of 2... May I use "imposed a fine on the State. They had to pay 63,000 euros."


Thanks a lot for congratulating me ! I am not very bad in English but I think I'm not very good ... I had written the text with a friend and we were not very serious when we worked on it ... I think we wanted to write with in a English too complicated English ! Thanks a lot for helping me, you are extremely cool kind !

boahancock :-))

-------------------
Modifié par boahancock le 04-01-2012 19:16

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 04-01-2012 21:57



Réponse: Text /Gregory case de sherry48, postée le 04-01-2012 à 21:51:32 (S | E)
Hello again. Yes, your corrections are good. Good evening. Sherry



Réponse: Text /Gregory case de boahancock, postée le 07-01-2012 à 15:50:53 (S | E)
This is my text, actually :

In the Gregory case, a little boy aged 4 was killed. A mysterious blackmailer informed the family of this one. The following day, that is October 17, 1984, an anonymous letter addressed to Jean-Marie Villemin said that Gregory had been killed: « I hope that you’ll die of sorrow, boss. It isn’t your money that’ll resurrect your son. Here is my revenge, poor shithead. » This blackmailer had been harassing the Villemin couple for approximately four years. So Gregory’s death was the outcome of the uttered threats for these last four years.

Bernard Laroche was the first to be accused .He was accused by Murielle Bolle, his sister-in-law who was 15 years old. Later, she said that she was lying but Bernard was still accused of the crime by the judge of Epinal, Jean-Michel Lambert, on November 5, 1984. Afterwards, many people said that the mother of Gregory was at the Post Office when the murder took place. That was a very important element in this affair because three of her fellow workers agreed to the same thing. Meanwhile, on July 5, 1985, the judge accused Christine Villemin of the murder. The evidence against her was: a new graphological study which meant she was probably the blackmailer and the same cords which bound Gregory were found in her home.Eleven days later, the indictment of Nancy which noted the total absence of evidence against her, let her go free.Opinion was dramatically divided by this case : there were those who considered her guilty and there were also those who claimed her innocence.There were many blunders: violations of the confidentiality of investigations and privacy; biases of the press; carelessness of the investigators in gathering evidence and there was also indecision of judges.

Following the shortcomings of the criminal investigation in this case, the government created the Technical Division of Criminal Investigation (STIC). In French, it means «la Section Technique d'Investigation Criminelle » , a future Criminal Research Institute of the National Gendarmerie. The charges against her were finally dropped on February 3, 1993, no case made for "total absence of charges," a first in criminal law (.it was thus noted that the investigation file was empty of charges against her, she had an acquittal after all.) In November 1993, the murder of Bernard Laroche was the cause of the trial of Jean-Marie Villemin. It took place around Dijon. After six weeks of hearings, he was sentenced to five years imprisonment with a suspended sentence. Two weeks later, having served most of his sentence in pretrial detention, he was released.

At the request of the child's parents, the investigation was reopened and hope was revived thanks to the DNA analysis of half a stamp that could contain the saliva of the "Blackmailer", in June 2000. But the analysis was impossible, the experts said the DNA was unusable.In May 2002, the Court of Appeal of Versailles imposed a fine on the State. The state had to pay 63,000 euros to Mary Angelo Laroche and Muriel Bolle for compensation for an "inability to fulfill its mission "and said there was a" total lack of control and in the conduct of the investigation and instruction".

Is it correct ? Thanks a lot !

Boa hancock )



Réponse: Text /Gregory case de sherry48, postée le 08-01-2012 à 04:29:52 (S | E)
Hello boahancock.
There are some errors such as a missing capital letter at the beginning of the sentence, but you have corrected most of the major mistakes.
In this sentence...Opinion was dramatically divided by this case, a different prepostion would be better.
This sentence is very long and might be better as 2 sentences...At the request of the child's parents, the investigation was reopened and hope was revived thanks to the DNA analysis of half a stamp that could contain the saliva of the "Blackmailer", in June 2000.
Also, what about this one? The state had to pay 63,000 euros to Mary Angelo Laroche and Muriel Bolle for compensation for an "inability to fulfill its mission "and said there was a" total lack of control and in the conduct of the investigation and instruction". Sherry




Réponse: Text /Gregory case de boahancock, postée le 08-01-2012 à 11:29:10 (S | E)
Hello again ! :-))

In this sentence...Opinion was dramatically divided by for this case.(I'm not sure !)

I wrote 2 sentences...At the request of the child's parents, the investigation was reopened and hope was revived thanks to the DNA analysis of half a stamp, in June 2000.It could contain the saliva of the "Blackmailer".

Also, what about this one? The state had to pay 63,000 euros to Mary Angelo Laroche and Muriel Bolle for compensation for an "inability to fulfill its mission "and said there was a" total lack of control in the management of the criminal investigation and instruction".

Thanks a lot !

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 08-01-2012 11:36
Mise en forme




Réponse: Text /Gregory case de sherry48, postée le 08-01-2012 à 17:45:48 (S | E)
Hello again.
For is better than by, or in could be used. I like how you changed the other sentences. Happy Sunday! Sherry



Réponse: Text /Gregory case de boahancock, postée le 08-01-2012 à 18:08:13 (S | E)
Good evening ! And thanks for your corrections, my text is better now ! :-)




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