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Correction/gap year

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/gap year
Message de uneevidence posté le 27-10-2011 à 18:52:06 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous !

Pour m'entrainer pour le bac, j'ai effectué une expression écrite en écrivant une lettre de motivation à un organisme pour une gap year.
J'aimerais beaucoup s'il vous plaît que quelqu'un corrige mes erreurs, mais aussi me donne son avis ...!
Merci d'avance ! ( j'ai fait 363 mots au lieu de 300 par contre..)

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am actually in high school and after graduating i would like to take a gap year.
I saw in you website that it's possible to become an assistant in "l'Arche"and that's why i'm writting to you. I saw that the job consist of helping people with an intellectual disability in their daily life and i feel like giving them of my time and helping them the best i can. There is handicaped people in my family circle and I know that if i can bring them the half they will probably give me with their smiles and their good mood, i will be satisfied. I saw that the job consist also of living as a community with the other assistants. I don't think it will be a problem for me because i'am sociable, i would love to meet people of other countries and i really like the idea of sharing a fulfilling and enriching experience like this. This experience will allows me to dpen my mind to other culturs and to discover your beautiful country wich makes me dream.

Moreover Even if I haven't made my mind yet about my career guidance, i have noticed that all the job who interested me are in social field or medical field. Indeed, I already thought to become a physiotherapist or a psychomotor therapist and i thoudght also to do a law career in order to defend human rights. That's why become an assistant in l'Arche seems also an avandtage for my futur career. For all of the above reasons , I'm really motivated about joining "l'Arche".

I think i have all the qualities requiered ind order to become an assistant. I'm generous, open and i'm always full of energy and joy ! I'm also creative and i would love to organised activities to do with them. Then i'm not afraid of working a lot of hours. Finally i'm can adap in many situations and i 'm ready to learn a lot during this stay.
Thank you for offering me this opportunity
Yours sincerely,
Jxxxxx

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 27-10-2011 21:18


Réponse: Correction/gap year de notrepere, postée le 27-10-2011 à 23:23:08 (S | E)
Hello

I am actually in high school and after graduating i would like to take a gap year.
I saw in on you[ ] website that it's possible to become an assistant in "l'Arche"and that's why i'm writting to you. I saw that the job consist[ ] of (1) helping people with an intellectual disability in their daily life and i feel like giving them of my time and helping them the best i can. There is (2) handicaped (3) people in my family circle and I know that if i can bring them the half they will probably give back to me with their smiles and their good mood, i will be satisfied. I saw that the job consist(2) also of (1) living as a community with the other assistants. I don't think it will be a problem for me because i'am sociable, i would love to meet people of other countries and i really like the idea of sharing a fulfilling and enriching experience like this. This experience will allows me to dpen (3) my mind to other culturs (3) and to discover your beautiful country which makes me dream.

Moreover Even if I haven't made (4) my mind yet about my career guidance, i have noticed that all the job who interested me are in social fields or medical fields. Indeed, I already thought to become a physiotherapist or a psycho-motor therapist and i thoudght also to do a law career in order to defend human rights. That's why become an assistant in l'Arche seems also an avandtage (3) for my future career. For all of the above reasons , I'm really motivated about joining "l'Arche".

I think i have all the qualities requiered ind order to become an assistant. I'm generous, open and i'm always full of energy and joy ! I'm also creative and i would love to organised activities to do with them. Then i'm not afraid of working a lot of hours. Finally i'm can adapt in many situations and i 'm ready to learn a lot during this stay.
Thank you for offering me this opportunity

'i' n'existe pas. Toujours I.

(1) verbe à particule Lien Internet

(2) accorde
(3) orthographe
(4) verbe à particule; il faut une prépositio



Réponse: Correction/gap year de uneevidence, postée le 28-10-2011 à 09:05:33 (S | E)
Bonjour et merci beaucoup pour cette réponse rapide !

J'ai essayé de corriger; peux-tu me dire ce que tu en penses, s'il reste des erreurs ? (mis à part le " i" je n'ai peut-être pas tout rectifié mais je le ferai en recopiant)
Merci encore!

I am actually in high school and after graduating i would like to take a gap year.
I saw on your website that it's possible to become an assistant in "l'Arche"and that's why I'm writing to you. I saw that the job consists on helping people with an intellectual disability in their daily life and i feel like giving them of my time and helping them the best I can.
There are (2) handicapped (3) people in my family circle and I know that if i can bring them the half they will probably give back to me with their smiles and their good mood, i will be satisfied.
-> Je voudrais dire :" si je peut leur apporter ne serait-ce que la moitié de ce qu'ils vont probablement m'apporter en retour " pourriez vous m'aider ^^'?
I saw that the job consists(2) also on (1) living as a community with the other assistants. I don't think it will be a problem for me because i'am sociable, I would love to meet people of other countries and I really like the idea of sharing a fulfilling and enriching experience like this. This experience will allows me to open (3) my mind to other culture ( Je met un "s" ou pas? ) (3) and to discover your beautiful country which makes me dream.

Moreover Even if I haven't made up(4) my mind yet about my career guidance, i have noticed that all the job who that? interested me are in social fields or medical fields. Indeed, I already thought to become a physiotherapist or a psycho-motor therapist and i thought also to do a law career in order to defend human rights. That's why become an assistant in l'Arche seems also an advantage (3) for my future career. For all of the above reasons , I'm really motivated about joining "l'Arche".

I think I have all the qualities required in order to become an assistant. I'm generous, open and I'm always full of energy and joy ! I'm also creative and I would love to organize activities to do with them. Then I'm not afraid of working a lot of hours. Finally I can adapt in many situations and I 'm ready to learn a lot during this stay.
Thank you for offering me this opportunity

-------------------
Modifié par uneevidence le 28-10-2011 09:05

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 28-10-2011 09:08

-------------------
Modifié par uneevidence le 28-10-2011 09:13



Réponse: Correction/gap year de uneevidence, postée le 01-11-2011 à 09:11:17 (S | E)
Personne pour me corriger, et notamment m'aider pour la phrase "si je pouvais leur donner la moitié..."
C'est à rendre pour demain donc là je tente un dernier essai



Réponse: Correction/gap year de lucile83, postée le 01-11-2011 à 09:26:53 (S | E)
Hello,

I am actually in high school and after graduating i would like to take a gap year.
I saw on your website that it's possible to become an assistant in "l'Arche"and that's why I'm writing to you. I saw that the job consists in helping people with an intellectual disability in their daily life and i feel like giving them part of my time and helping them the best I can.
There are (2) handicapped (3) people in my family circle and I know that if i can bring them half as much as they will probably give back to me with their smiles and their good mood, i will be satisfied.
-> Je voudrais dire :" si je peut leur apporter ne serait-ce que la moitié de ce qu'ils vont probablement m'apporter en retour " pourriez vous m'aider ^^'?
I saw that the job consists(2) also in (1) living as a community with the other assistants. I don't think it will be a problem for me because i'am sociable, I would love to meet people of other countries and I really like the idea of sharing a fulfilling and enriching experience like this. This experience will allow me to open (3) my mind to other cultures ( Je mets un "s" ou pas? ) (3) and to discover your beautiful country which makes me dream.

Moreover Even if I haven't made up(4) my mind yet about my career guidance, i have noticed that all the jobs that interested me are in social fields or medical fields. Indeed, I already thought of becoming a physiotherapist or a psycho-motor therapist and i thought also of having a law career in order to defend human rights. That's why becoming an assistant in l'Arche seems also an advantage (3) for my future career. For all of the above reasons , I'm really motivated about joining "l'Arche".

I think I have all the required qualities in order to become an assistant. I'm generous, open and I'm always full of energy and joy ! I'm also creative and I would love to organize activities to do with them. Then I'm not afraid of working a lot of hours. Finally I can adapt in many situations and I 'm ready to learn a lot during that stay.
Thank you for offering me this opportunity




Réponse: Correction/gap year de uneevidence, postée le 01-11-2011 à 10:27:35 (S | E)
Merci mille fois ! Eventuellement si vous avez du temps, est-ce que vous pourriez m'expliquer pourquoi il faut dire "of becoming " plutôt que to become ? De même pour " of having " et " that's why becoming..."

Y a t'il une règle pour choisir of ou to ?

Merci d'avance



Réponse: Correction/gap year de lucile83, postée le 01-11-2011 à 10:37:18 (S | E)
Hello,

Because we say 'think of/about doing something'
that's why becoming...becoming is a gerund, it is more usually used than the infinitive.

Lien Internet

Lien Internet





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