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Correction/ I love London

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/ I love London
Message de cemella posté le 12-10-2011 à 18:25:51 (S | E | F)
Bonjour!

Je fais appel à vous tous car je passe un oral d'anglais très bientôt et je voudrais savoir quelles sont mes fautes et ce que je pourrais améliorer! ( N'hésitez pas si vous avez des idées) C'est super sympa!
Merci!

Hi! I'm Cemella and i'm gonna speak about me and my objective that to say go to live in England.
So since 5 years now, I fell in love to London. It was a travel with my school for one day in London who has changed my point of view about the English people. Because they were so nice with us. Indeed, we had seen Buckingham Palace, London Eyes, Big Ben and all the things well-known in London. After, at school I worked so hard to improve my English even if my mom did not understand why I did that. And I don't know what happened on this day but London has attracted to me. So I have begun to learn songs and to watch movies in English.

Then in 2009, I had the possibility to go one week in Plymouth, with a friend whose tis name is marie,but it was horrible. This week was so crazy. I was in a town where I did not anything about the language, the culture, just the people. My family was so good but did not speak with us.
We just ate in the same room but not in the same table. So was so strange. The children did not speak and they did not want to correspond with us. On the one hand, the food was not really good for me on the other hand, the teacher didn't learn to speak English.
And I caught the bus single and I had 2 hours in bus to arrive in my teacher's house. I was so tired.
I think today, I wasn't ready to leave and to be single on the streets where I didn't known anything to catch the car or to ask my way. However, only week, help me to me to improve my English, eventually I understand better English and American people.

Next, this summer I had in London just one day with my family. It was the first time for my brother to take the EUROSTAR and to be in London. And I showed them around the city. We saw the Horse guard in Buckingham, with a little squirrel in Saint James Park. The 10 down street, a place who I like particularly Covent Garden with the clown with his show.

Now I try to go in London a lot and I went one day with the school again and this summer with my family. Today, I would like go to study in England or a country who people speaks English. That why I try to find a hotel for 2 months this next summer with a friend we want to work to London.
And I have a dream it is leave to the USA because like a lot of people I adore United State and more precisely New York.
I would like also teach French in England to see how the other people can learn my own language.


Merci d'avance!!!
Cemella

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Modifié par lucile83 le 12-10-2011 19:21


Réponse: Correction/ I love London de bulsara_berte, postée le 12-10-2011 à 19:45:46 (S | E)
bonsoir,

voici quelques pistes de correction

Hi! I'm Cemella and i'm gonna ( construction de ' gonna' ou ' du présent Ing' sans oublier la majuscule au pronom sujet I ) speak about me and my objective (( voc) that ( verbe manquant) to say go to ( ici on peut utiliser l'expression 'to go and live' ) live in England.

So since ( Since+ point précis dans le passé, il faut l'autre mot pour l'expression de la durée) 5 years now, I fell( erreur de temps, vous avez une action qui a commencé et qui dure) in love to ( préposition) London. It was a travel with my school for one day in London who (relatif, who = humain) has changed my point of view about the English people. Because they were so nice with us. Indeed, we had seen ( temps du récit = preterit) Buckingham Palace, London Eyes, Big Ben and all the things well-known in London. After, at school I worked so hard to improve my English even if my mom did not understand why I did that. And I don't know what happened on this day but London has attracted to me. So I have begun to learn songs and to watch movies in English.

Then in 2009, I had the possibility to go one week in Plymouth, with a friend whose tis name (à revoir) is marie,but it was horrible. This week was so crazy. I was in a town where I did not ( il manque un verbe là )aa nything about the language, the culture, just the people. My family was so good but did not speak with us.
We just ate in the same room but not in the same table. So ( oubli d'un sujet) was so strange. The children did not speak and they did not want to correspond with us. On the one hand, the food was not really good for me on the other hand, the teacher didn't learn to speak English.
And I caught the bus single (sens?) and I had 2 hours in bus to arrive in my teacher's house. I was so tired.
I think today, I wasn't ready to leave and to be single( voc voir 'bus single' au dessus) on the streets where I didn't known ( forme verbale) anything to catch the car or to ask my way. However, only week, help me to me to improve my English, eventually I understand better English and American people.

Next, this summer I had in London just one day with my family. It was the first time for my brother to take the EUROSTAR and to be in London. And I showed them around the city. We saw the Horse guard (voc) in Buckingham, with a little squirrel in Saint James Park. The 10 down street, a place who (relatif) I like particularly Covent Garden with the clown with his show.

Now I try to go in ( préposition) London a lot and I went one day with the school again and this summer with my family. Today, I would like ( préposition) go to study in England or a country who people speaks English. That (verbe manquant) why I try to find a hotel for 2 months this next summer with a friend we want to work to London.
And I have a dream it is leave to the USA because like a lot of people I adore United State and more precisely New York.
I would like also ( préposition manquante) teach French in England to see how the other people can learn my own language.



Voilà je pense en avoir oublié, attendons nos amis pour vous aider encore davantage

-------------------
Modifié par bulsara_berte le 12-10-2011 20:17

erreur dans ma correction



Réponse: Correction/ I love London de gerondif, postée le 12-10-2011 à 20:09:48 (S | E)
Hello,

quelques ajouts mais je n'ai pas d'auréole !!

when you say:"the teacher didn't learn to speak English", did you mean learn or teach us ?

"I had in London just one day with my family". "spent" would be better than "had" and in London should be thrown back at the end of the sentence.

It was the first time for my brother to take the EUROSTAR and to be in London.
it was the first time + present perfect/pluperfect: it was the first time my brother had t.......

The 10 Downing street, if there is 10, then no "the"
Go into the room // go into ** room 10.

this next summer sounds bizarre: next summer, or this coming summer.

we want to work to London (in: position. to: mouvement)

I have a dream it is ****(infinitif complet)leave to the USA because like a lot of people I adore ***United State (mot pluriel) and more precisely New York.





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