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Correction d'un devoir

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction d'un devoir
Message de tophie posté le 27-04-2011 à 19:19:46 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

Pouvez-vous corriger les fautes s'il vous plait ?
Merci d'avance.

On the one hand, I’m sure that there is a globalization of looks. Normal people want to look like the celebrities wearing the same shoes or the same dress; they want to shine like their model also the media has an impact in our society because they have a detrimental effect on teenagers. Because of them, young girls have a lot of problem with their body but also their mind because they want so hard to be like their idol that they put themselves in danger by stopping eating food and it causes eating disorders. They feel so uncomfortable in their lives that they want to look like the others.
Appearance in our society has a lot of impact in work too. If you’re too small or fat or ugly, you have more difficulties to find a job than a charming person. For example in China a lot of women underwent plastic surgery in order to have longer legs and to look like occidental women. So there is a globalization of looks and appearances in our society.
On the other hand, I believe that it might not have a globalization of looks because fashion designer tries to break this « law » about looks and in every fashion show the style change.
In the same though, a lot of fat girls don’t want to look like anorexic women because they like their body just the way they are that is pretty. They feel good in their body.
So it might have a globalization of appearance but a few part of people think that everybody doesn’t have to be like models.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 27-04-2011 19:33



Réponse: Correction d'un devoir de aneth-estragon, postée le 29-04-2011 à 09:12:30 (S | E)
Bonjour
Voici une première étape de corrections

On the one hand, I’m sure (that) there is a globalization of looks. Normal people want to look like the celebrities, wearing the same shoes or the same dress; they want to shine like their models
La suite doit faire l'objet au minimum d'une nouvelle phrase, sinon d'un nouveau paragraphe :
also (? reformulez) the media has (media is plural) an impact in our society because they have a detrimental effect on teenagers. Because of them, young girls have a lot of problems with their body but also their mind (pluriels) because they want so hard badly to be like their idols that (they want to be.... so badly that)  they put themselves in danger by stopping eating food and it  which causes eating disorders. They feel so uncomfortable in their lives that they want to look like the others.

Appearance in our society has a lot of impact in work the working world too. If you’re too small or fat or ugly, you have more difficulties to find finding a job than a charming person. For example in China a lot of women underwent (présent) plastic surgery in order to have longer legs and to look like occidental women.
So there is a globalization of looks and appearances in our society.

On the other hand, I believe (that) it might not have (il y a = there is) a globalization of looks because fashion designers tries try to break this « law » about looks
and in every fashion show the style changes.

In the same though (vouliez-vous écrire 'on the same thought' ? mais je ne comprends pas la logique), a lot of fat girls don’t want to look like anorexic women because they like their body (pluriel) just the way they are that is pretty (vouliez-vous dire 'that is : pretty' ? Reformulez).
They feel good in their body (pluriel).

So it might have (non : il y a = there is) a globalization of appearance but a few (a few demande un pluriel : il faut donc reformuler) part of people think that everybody doesn’t have to be look like models (singulier).


Hoping it might help




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