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Correction/send an e-mail

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

[POSTER UNE NOUVELLE REPONSE] [Suivre ce sujet]


Correction/send an e-mail
Message de samro posté le 20-03-2011 à 14:41:10 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,

Si quelqu'un pouvait me corriger mes phrases et me conseiller,
merci à lui.
Cordialement Sam.

Dear ...

I take the liberty to you send e-mail because i'm very unquiet about the situation of one of my classmates.

My friend Pierre has been bullying by a young people's group, aged of sixteen years old.
They don't work and need a lot of money. For some weeks, they have waited him in front of the bus stop et have threaten him. They have say him to give money (twenty dollars) every friday afternoon Otherwise he will have serious problems.

The young people don't want their victim to tell anybody about their behaviour. If Pierre tells someone about the bullying, then the bullies will have to fight him.

I'm very embarrassed because Pierre becomes more stressed to hight school. He must steal money to parents every week.

In my opinion, my friend can become bigger and stronger than the bully by telling on them.

I think that the bullying is something cowardly. Pierre don't be afraid et i want help him.

I decided to contact you because I think you can help me by coming to speak about bullying in my school.The director and teachers are agree with me.

I propose to annonce your arrived with poster campaign in the school and public places.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 20-03-2011 14:59



Réponse: Correction/send an e-mail de headway, postée le 20-03-2011 à 14:58:57 (S | E)
I take the liberty to you send e-mail because i'm very unquiet about the situation of one of my classmates.

My friend Pierre has been bullying by a young people's group, aged of sixteen years old.
They don't work and need a lot of money. For some weeks, they have waitedmanque un mot him in front of the bus stop et have threaten him. They have say him to give money (twenty dollars) every friday afternoon Otherwise he will have serious problems.

The young people don't want their victim to tell anybody about their behaviour. If Pierre tells someone about the bullying, then the bullies will have to fight him.

I'm very embarrassed because Pierre becomes more stressed to hight school. He must steal money to parents every week.

In my opinion, my friend can become bigger and stronger than the bully by telling on them.

I think that the bullying is something cowardly. Pierre don't be afraid et i want help him.

I decided to contact you because I think you can help me by coming to speak about bullying in my school.The director and teachers are agree with me.

I propose to annonce your arrived with poster campaign in the school and public places.

..................
Quelques fautes relevées par-ci par-là mais l faut avouer que vous ne nous gatez pas pour un dimanche; un conseil, changez de traducteur.

Headway.



Réponse: Correction/send an e-mail de samro, postée le 20-03-2011 à 16:22:47 (S | E)
Voila :

I take the liberty to send e-mail because i'm very worried about the situation of one of my classmates.

My friend Pierre has been bullying by teenager's group, aged sixteen years old.
They don't work and need a lot of money. For some weeks, they have waited to him in front of the bus stop and have threaten him. They have say him to give money (twenty dollars) every friday or else he have serious problems.

The young people don't want their victim to tell anybody about their behaviour. If Pierre tells someone about the bullying, then the bullies will have to fight him.

I'm very embarrassed because Pierre becomes more stressed to hight school. He must steal money to parents every week.

In my opinion, my friend can become bigger and stronger than the bully by telling on them.

I think that the bullying is something coward. Pierre don't want live in fear, i want help him.

I decided to contact you because I think you can help me by coming to speak about bullying in my school. The school principal and teachers were agree with me.

I propose to announce your arrival with poster campaign in the school and public places.



Voila les nouvelles corrections qui j'espère conviendront. Je dois utilisé du present perfect en Ing, est-il bien utiliser dans le texte. Merci



Réponse: Correction/send an e-mail de gerondif, postée le 20-03-2011 à 16:42:14 (S | E)
Bonjour,
"Je dois utiliser du present perfect en Ing,"

il n'y a que deux phrases dans votre texte où il est utilisé et utilisable:

Des jeunes brutalisent Pierre depuis des semaines.
A group of teenagers has been bullying Pierre for weeks.

Dans votre phrase, Pierre est brutalisé (voix passive)
Pierre has been bullied by a group of teenagers, et là , pas d'ing possible.

Ils l'attendent depuis des semaines devant l'arrêt d'autobus:
They have been waiting for him for weeks in front of the bus stop.

Seulement, votre scénario m'implique pas forcément une insistance sur la durée et ing n'est pas forcément utile. Si on fait un simple constat d'une action passée ayant des conséquences présentes, on pourra dire:

A group of teenagers has bullied Pierre for weeks, so I have decided to contact you.
They have waited for him for weeks in front of the bus-stop to extort money from him.

Cependant, le present perfect en ing sera correct en mettant l'accent sur la durée.


vert: correction faite.
autre couleur: correction à faire.

I take the liberty to send (à qui) e-mail because i'm very worried about the situation of one of my classmates.

My friend Pierre has been bullying by teenager's group, aged sixteen years old.
They don't work and need a lot of money. For some weeks, they have waited to him in front of the bus stop and have threaten(participe passé) him. They have say him to give money (twenty dollars) every friday or else he (temps: conditionnel)have serious problems.

The young people(maladroit pour dire les "jeunes") don't want their victim to tell anybody about their behaviour. If Pierre tells someone about the bullying, then the bullies will have to (seront obligés de ? ne veut rien dire de leur part, ils le font volontairement)fight him.

I'm very embarrassed because Pierre becomes more and more stressed to hight school. He must steal money to(l'argent sort de la poche des parents, c'est le contraire de "to") parents every week.

In my opinion, my friend can become bigger and stronger than the bully(pluriel) by telling on them.

I think that the(en trop) bullying is something coward(cherchez l'adjectif, coward est un nom). Pierre don't (3ème personne donc S) want ... live in fear, I want ... help him.

I decided to contact you because I think you can help me by coming to speak about bullying in my school. The school principal and teachers were agree with me.

I propose to announce your arrival with a poster campaign in the school and public places.





Réponse: Correction/send an e-mail de samro, postée le 20-03-2011 à 18:03:14 (S | E)
Merci pour toutes les infos. Voila le résultat dites-moi s'il y reste des problèmes.



Dear xxxxx,



I take the liberty to send you e-mail because i'm very worried about the situation of one of my classmates.
A group of teenagers aged sixteen years old, has been bullying my classmates Pierre for weeks. They don't work and need a lot of money. They have been waiting for him for weeks in front of the bus stop to extort money from him. So i have decided to contact you.
They have been telling him to give money (twenty dollars) every Friday or else he will have serious problems.

The teenagers don't want their victim to tell anybody about their behaviour. If Pierre tells someone about the bullying, then the bullies will fight him.

I'm very embarrassed because Pierre is more and more stressed in high school. He must steal money of parents every week.

In my opinion, my friend can becomes bigger and stronger than the bullies by telling on them.
I think that bullying is something cowardly. Pierre doesn't want live in fear. I want help him, it's necessary to stop it. I'm sure i can do something for him.

However i decided to contact you because I think you can help me by coming to speak about bullying in my school. The school principal and teachers are agree with me.

I propose to announce your arrival with a poster campaign in the school and public places. Finally the bullies will be adverturn intimidaded by the campaign.


Best regards with all good wishes.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 20-03-2011 18:23



Réponse: Correction/send an e-mail de gerondif, postée le 20-03-2011 à 18:17:04 (S | E)
Dear xxx,



I take the liberty to send you (article indéfini) e-mail because i'm very worried about the situation of one of my classmates.
A group of teenagers ,aged sixteen years old, has been bullying my classmates Pierre for weeks. They don't work (peu clair: ils ne travaillent pas à l'école ou ils n'ont pas d'emploi et donc pas de revenus ? Vous pourriez préciser) and need a lot of money. They have been waiting for him for weeks in front of the bus stop to extort money from him. So i have decided to contact you.
They have been telling him (ing ne s'impose pas avec ce verbe et sans complément de temps)to give money (twenty dollars) every Friday or else he will have serious problems.

The teenagers don't want their victim to tell anybody about their behaviour. If Pierre tells someone about the bullying, then the bullies will fight(combattre ou frapper, taper?) him.

I'm very embarrassed because Pierre is more and more stressed in high school. He must steal money of his parents every week.

In my opinion, my friend can becomes bigger and stronger than the bullies by telling on them.
I think that bullying is something cowardly. Pierre doesn't want (manque un mot dans cette structure infinitive)live in fear. I want (idem)(modèle de Freddy Mercury: I want to break free!!)help him, it's necessary to stop it. I'm sure i can do something for him.

However(pourtant?) i decided to contact you because I think you can help me by coming to speak about bullying in my school. The school principal(on le trouve dans les dictionnaires mais le directeur d'une école c'est souvent "the Head" "the Headmaster") and teachers are agree with me.(construction)

I propose to announce your arrival with a poster campaign in the school and public places. Finally the bullies will be adverturn(à leutr tour?) intimidaded by the campaign.


Best regards with all good wishes.(pourquoi deux formules?)





Réponse: Correction/send an e-mail de samro, postée le 20-03-2011 à 18:39:53 (S | E)
Pouvez-vous m'en dire plus au sujet des pronoms personnels et du verbe être conjuguer. Je ne comprends pas. Merci !


I take the liberty to send you e-mail because i?'m very worried about the situation of one of my classmates.
A group of teenagers aged sixteen years old, has been bullying my classmates Pierre for weeks. They don't work and need a lot of money. They have been waiting for him for weeks in front of the bus stop to extort money from him. So i have decided to contact you.
They have been telling him to give money (twenty dollars) every Friday or else he will have serious problems.

The teenagers don't want their victim to tell anybody about their behaviour. If Pierre tells someone about the bullying, then the bullies will hit him.

I'm very embarrassed because Pierre is more and more stressed in high school. He must steal money at his parents every week.

In my opinion, my friend can becomes bigger and stronger than the bullies by telling on them.
I think that bullying is something cowardly. Pierre doesn't want live in fear. I want help him, it's necessary to stop it. I?'m sure i can do something for him.

However i decided to contact you because I think you can help me by coming to speak about bullying in my school. The school principal and teachers are? agree with me.

Finally, I propose to announce your arrival with a poster campaign in the school and public places. The bullies will be adverturn intimidaded for the first time by the campaign against the different forms bullying .


With all good wishes.

-------------------
Modifié par samro le 20-03-2011 18:40

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 20-03-2011 18:49



Réponse: Correction/send an e-mail de notrepere, postée le 20-03-2011 à 18:45:40 (S | E)
Hello

In letters and emails, it is very common to start the letter/email with the present continuous to show that the action is happening at the present moment:

I am writing you this letter because...
I am taking the liberty of sending you this email...

Principal (ou quelques écoles privées)
Headmaster




Réponse: Correction/send an e-mail de samro, postée le 20-03-2011 à 18:50:59 (S | E)
Thank you.



Réponse: Correction/send an e-mail de samro, postée le 20-03-2011 à 19:16:48 (S | E)
Personne peut m'aider pour ce que j'ai mis en rouge -> les pronoms personnels et le verbe être sur mon post de tout à l'heure ?

-------------------
Modifié par samro le 20-03-2011 19:17





Réponse: Correction/send an e-mail de gerondif, postée le 20-03-2011 à 19:17:49 (S | E)
suite...

I,"je", s'écrit toujours en majuscules.

Double-cliquez sur agree et vous verrez sa construction, et s'il a besoin d'un verbe être ou non.

I take(voir correction de notre père sur la forme en ing du verbe et de son complément) the liberty to send you (un) e-mail because I'm very worried about the situation of one of my classmates.
A group of teenagers (virgule)aged sixteen years old, has been bullying my classmates Pierre for weeks. They don't work (ils n'ont pas d'emploi)and need a lot of money. They have been waiting for him for weeks in front of the bus stop to extort money from him. So I have decided to contact you.
They have been telling him to give money (twenty dollars) every Friday (Ils le forcent à leur donner serait mieux)or else he will have serious problems.

The teenagers don't want their victim to tell anybody about their behaviour. If Pierre tells someone about the bullying, then the bullies will hit him.

I'm very embarrassed because Pierre is more and more stressed in high school. He must steal money at(c'est le même "de" que dans : je viens de telle ville) his parents every week.(double cliquez sur steal et vous aurez la construction)

In my opinion, my friend can becomes bigger and stronger than the bullies by telling on them.
I think that bullying is something cowardly. Pierre doesn't want (voir correction précédente, il manque un mot)***live in fear. I want(IDEM)*** help him, it's necessary to stop it (maladroit: Trouvez quelque chose de plus anglais comme: cette violence doit cesser). I'm sure I can do something for him.

However(ce "pourtant" n'a aucun sens, utilisez "par conséquent") I decided to contact you because I think you can help me by coming to speak about bullying in my school. The school principal and teachers are? agree with me.

Finally, I propose to announce your arrival with a poster campaign in the school and public places. The bullies will be adverturn(n'exsite pas) intimidaded for the first time by the campaign against the different forms of bullying .





Réponse: Correction/send an e-mail de headway, postée le 21-03-2011 à 09:15:06 (S | E)
Bonjour à tous,

J'ai toujours pensé, sans doute à tort, qu'on disait: I take the liberty of...


Headway.



Réponse: Correction/send an e-mail de notrepere, postée le 21-03-2011 à 14:37:27 (S | E)
Hello headway,

The Oxford English Dictionary concurs:

liberty
4. an act or a statement that may offend or annoy somebody, especially because it is done without permission or does not show respect

He took the liberty of reading my files while I was away.

Cambridge says the same thing: I took the liberty of booking theatre seats for us.

Cordialement



Réponse: Correction/send an e-mail de headway, postée le 21-03-2011 à 15:06:00 (S | E)
Hi,

thank you notrepere



Réponse: Correction/send an e-mail de samro, postée le 23-03-2011 à 14:07:54 (S | E)

Thank you everybody !




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