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Correction/become a photographer

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/become a photographer
Message de negees posté le 31-10-2010 à 13:57:10 (S | E | F)
Bonjour
je suis en 1ère et je vous avouerai que mon niveau d'anglais est exécrable
Pourriez-vous, si ça ne vous dérange pas me corriger mes erreurs? auriez-vous d'autres idées pour étoffer mon texte? je vous remercie d'avance

sujet: essai : 200 mots minimum/ 300 maximum "What job would you like to do? Explain your motivations"

I would like to became a photographer, they must be creative, diligent, energetic & lending for everything. Moreover, they must be open-minded at them work.I believe that they have a gift from sky because they show to everybody the beauty or the ugliness of the world.
Every photographers has its style, its point of view and his types of photography: The same moment or place is not the same according to the photographer Consequently, every photographer have his kind of photography, portrait's photos, landscapes’ photos, cities and campaigns, the photos of press people or that of current events, photos really and those were retouched. Actually, we find all the sorts of photos.
Thanks’ to this; people can express an idea or more: they can dream. Photograph must be committed, interesting, inspiring, stimulating, rewarding or simply beautiful. It can be accusing a political government, a religion, an idea or manners to do something. It could be boring and worthless but despite everything it could make react a good or bad opinion of people.
One day I was reading a magazine when I falling at an article more attractive. It tooks about a photographer " The photo of press requires a total availability. We can be called at any hour. It is an essential aspect of the profession. "and i think it’s true.On the other hand it allows to make travel in the time.
I have find one day an album photo which show persons of all the times, them clothes, them environments, and them gestures were completely different. It’s our past and to understand the future we cannot leave aside. For it it’s necessary to us to immortalize the present moments so that each person reminder who he are and who he was.


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Modifié par lucile83 le 31-10-2010 14:06

Nous corrigeons ce que vous présentez, pas plus.



Réponse: Correction/become a photographer de bulsara_berte, postée le 31-10-2010 à 14:32:51 (S | E)

bonjour,


je vous laisse les indications pour la correction:


'I would like to became( To+ infinitif)  a photographer, they must be creative, diligent, energetic & lending for everything. Moreover,
they must be open-minded at them ( préposition + possessif à revoir) work.I believe that they have a gift from sky (vocabulaire)  because they show to everybody( position des compléments => en anglais on favorise le COD)  the beauty or the ugliness of the world. Every photographers has ( forme de l'auxiliaire? photographers est pluriel ici)  its style, its point of view and his (possessif)  types of photography: The same moment or place is not the same according to the photographer Consequently, every photographer have ( forme de l'auxiliaire)  his kind of  photography, portrait's photos, landscapes’ photos, cities and
campaigns, the photos of press people (voc)  or that of current events, photos really and those were retouched. Actually, we find all the (article inutile ici)  sorts of
photos.Thanks’ to this; people can express an idea or more: they can dream. Photograph (pluriel ou singulier? il manque un article ou un S)  must be committed, interesting, inspiring, stimulating, rewarding or simply beautiful. It can be accusing a political government, a religion, an idea or manners to do something. It could be boring and worthless but despite everything it could make react a good or bad opinion of people( expression à revoir) .One day I was reading a magazine when I falling ( forme du verbe, il doit être conjugué avec la bonne concordance des temps, de plus 'fall' est un calque du français)  at an article more attractive. It tooks ( forme du verbe??)  about a photographer ' The photo of press requires a total availability. We can be called at any hour. It is an essential  aspect of the profession. 'and i think it’s true.On the other hand it allows to make travel in the time.I have find ( construction du present perfect à revoir)  one day an album photo (voc)  which show ( concordance de temps=> récit au passé)  persons of all the times, them ( possessif)  clothes, them (idem)  environments, and them (idem)  gestures were completely different. It’s our past and to understand the future we cannot leave aside. For it it’s necessary to us to immortalize the present moments so
that each person reminder (verbe? ) who he are ( conjugaison?)  and who he was.


Voilà, il se peut qu'il reste des erreurs.


Amicalement


bulsara



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Modifié par bulsara_berte le 31-10-2010 14:33

Souci de mise en page de ma correction



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Modifié par bulsara_berte le 31-10-2010 14:35






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