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Correction/Nobel Peace Prize

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Correction/Nobel Peace Prize
Message de cocoboss posté le 30-12-2009 à 12:59:57 (S | E | F)

BONSOIR VOILA MA TRADUCTION POURRIEZ VOUS ME LA CORRIGER SVP MERCI
Hello,pourriez-vous m'aider pour la correction de ma traduction s'il vous plaît?
Merci pour vos réponses.



I'm going to talk about the Nobel Prize


The 44th President of the USA, Barack Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize, on Thursday December 10 th in Oslo, Norway. During the ceremony, he reminded that the war is necessary to assure the security of the United States of America. The Nobel Prize consists of a medal, a diploma and a check of about a million euro. Barack Obama decided to offer the check to one or several of charity


Moreover the 66-year-old singer, Johnny Hallyday stays at the hospital Cedars-Sinai of Los Angeles. He was indeed in an artificial coma one week ago after has a bad operation. That is why his wife, Laeticia and a lot of journalist are in the USA. Johnny HALLYDAY went out the artificial coma. Everything is well. The French doctor indicates nevertheless (néanmoins) that the star “will not be ready” for the resumption of her tour in January.

The blizzard blows on the United States

Washington – A snowstorm struck this weekend the American East coast, making at five deaths, perturbing transport in the region and depriving hundreds of thousand users of electricity.
In a federal capital the public transport was almost in the stop.
It is the most important snowfall in a single day of December: Forty centimeters of snow.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 30-12-2009 14:41


Réponse: Correction/Nobel Peace Prize de gerondif, postée le 30-12-2009 à 15:16:05 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Quelques pistes de correction.

I'm going to talk about the Nobel Prize


The 44th President of the USA, Barack Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize, on Thursday, December 10 th, in Oslo, Norway. During the ceremony, he reminded(manque un c.o.d il nous rappela que)that the(on le met ou pas) war is necessary to assure(orthographe du début du verbe) the security of the United States of America. The Nobel Prize consists of a medal, a diploma and a check of about a million euro. Barack Obama decided to offer the check to one or several of(à supprimer) charity(à mettre au pluriel)

Moreover(pourquoi dire: de plus ? Passer d'Obama à Johnny est déjà assez dur !) the 66-year-old singer, Johnny Hallyday stays(pourquoi le présent d'habitude? Après, vous passez au prétérit, puis de nouveau au présent: attention aux temps) at the hospital Cedars-Sinai (à mettre devant hospital)of Los Angeles. He was indeed in an artificial coma one week ago(au sens de il y a ? Depuis, ce sera autre chose) after has a bad operation. That is why his wife, Laeticia and a lot of journalists are in the USA. Johnny HALLYDAY went out(manque of) the artificial coma. Everything is well(pas terrible pour "tout va bien"). The French doctor indicates nevertheless (néanmoins) that the star “will not be ready” for the resumption of her(Johnny est devenu féminin ? drôle d'hôpital !!) tour in January.

The blizzard blows(présent d'habitude inadapté) on the United States.(Vu que ce sujet tombe un peu comme un cheveu sur la soupe, j'introduirais par : Parlons à présent de la météo! et au paragraphe 2: Parlons des people!)

Washington – A snowstorm struck the American East coast this weekend , making (choisir un autre verbe: causer, provoquer)at(début de au moins ? at least ) five deaths, perturbing(trouvez un synonyme commençant par dis) transport in the region and depriving hundreds of thousands of (à mettre au pluriel quand c'est un nom) users of electricity.
In a (dans la capitale fédérale et non pas dans une capitale fédérale ca qui sous-entend qu'il y en a d'autres)federal capital the public transport was almost in the stop.(à modifier)
It is(pourquoi le présent? Un passé sonnerait mieux) the most important snowfall in a single day of December: Forty centimeters of snow.


Réponse: Correction/Nobel Peace Prize de cocoboss, postée le 30-12-2009 à 16:48:04 (S | E)
merci beaucoup


Réponse: Correction/Nobel Peace Prize de cocoboss, postée le 03-01-2010 à 20:10:41 (S | E)
Bonjour,

J'ai effectué quelques correstions à mon devoir, pourriez-vous SVP regarder et me dire ce que vous en pensez.

Merci

I'm going to talk about the Nobel Prize

The 44th President of the USA, Barack Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize, on Thursday, December 10th, in Oslo, Norway. During the ceremony, he reminded that war is necessary to insure the security of the United States of America. The Nobel Prize consists of a medal, a diploma and a check of about a million euro. Barack Obama decided to offer the check to one or several charities.

Now let us speak about people
The 66-year-old singer, Johnny Hallyday is staying at the Cedars-Sinai hospital of Los Angeles. He was indeed in an artificial coma one week ago after has a bad operation. That is why his wife, Laeticia and a lot of journalists are in the USA. Johnny HALLYDAY went out of the artificial coma. The French doctor indicates nevertheless (néanmoins) that the star “will not be ready” for the resumption of his tour in January.

To finish let us speak about the weather report

The blizzard is blowing on the United States.
Washington – A snowstorm struck the American East coast this weekend, provoke at least five deaths, disrupt transport in the region and depriving hundreds of thousands of users of electricity.
In federal capital the public transport was almost district.
It was the most important snowfall in a single day of December: Forty centimeters of snow.



Réponse: Correction/Nobel Peace Prize de gerondif, postée le 03-01-2010 à 20:53:59 (S | E)
bonsoir,

I'm going to talk about the Nobel Prize

The 44th President of the USA, Barack Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize, on Thursday, December 10th, in Oslo, Norway. During the ceremony, he reminded (les gens: people)that war is necessary to insure the security of the United States of America. The Nobel Prize consists of a medal, a diploma and a check of about a million euro. Barack Obama decided to offer the check to one or several charities.

Now let us speak about show-business people
The 66-year-old singer, Johnny Hallyday is staying at the Cedars-Sinai hospital of Los Angeles. He was indeed in an artificial coma one week ago after (has) a bad operation. That is why his wife, Laeticia and a lot of journalists are in the USA. Johnny HALLYDAY went out of the artificial coma. The French doctor indicates nevertheless (néanmoins) that the star “will not be ready” for the resumption of his tour in January.

To finish let us speak about the weather report

The blizzard is blowing on the United States.
Washington – A snowstorm struck the American East coast this weekend, provoke( mettre en ing) at least five deaths, disrupt(idem) transport in the region and depriving hundreds of thousands of users of electricity.
In THE federal capital the public transport was almost district.
It was the most important snowfall in a single day of December: Forty centimeters of snow.




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