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Correction/special day in my life

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/special day in my life
Message de renrenaud posté le 02-11-2009 à 13:48:55 (S | E | F)

Bonjour, je dois présenter un exposé à l'oral en anglais sur "a very special day in your life(good or bad), et je parle de la mort de mon lapin. Je voudrais savoir ce que vous en pensez et s'il y aurai des fautes à corriger. Merci d'avance.

I am going to introduce you a very special day in my life. It goes back up in for a long time. I was very young person and my rabbit, Buzzy died. As every day I awakens me easy. I took a good breakfast, and seen that this time my rabbit was not with me in the kitchen turning around the table. I smelt as a big space in me. After my breakfast I follow go to see on the floor if he was not sleeping in his animal box, what he made normally never in the morning. This time it was there. I see him lengthened,on the back. And I he says: " Buzzy, Buzzy wake up ". But it did not move a hair. I run towards my father who was in the bathroom to say to him that Buzzy did not move. He come and, by seeing my rabbit, tells me to leave in my room. Then me, my brothers and my mother, commands go to the garden, where my father had dug a small hole underneath the rosebush, where my rabbit had habit to make holes. I understood right away. My father buried it, and has this instant there, it was the first time when I seen my father mourning.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 02-11-2009 13:51
+ titre + forum


Réponse: Correction/special day in my life de seb06000, postée le 04-11-2009 à 09:59:56 (S | E)
bonjour,

je vous laisse les indications de correction



I am going to introduce you a very special day in my life. It goes back up in for a long time. I was very young person (mal dit) and my rabbit, Buzzy died. As every day I awakens ( verbe + conjugaison à revoir) me easy. I took a good breakfast, and seen (conjugaison, attention au temps, c'est du récit donc prétérit) that this time my rabbit was not with me in the kitchen turning around the table. I smelt as a big space (mal dit, verbe et expression) in me. After my breakfast I follow go (expression to follow, calquée sur le français, essayez de construire avec " to keep" => utiliser le dictionnaire) to see on the floor if he was not sleeping in his animal box, what he made normally never (position de never et normally => devant le groupe verbal) in the morning. This time it was there. I see (temps => récit) him lengthened (adjectif incorrect) ,on the back. And I he says (choix du pronom sujet +conjugaison + temps du récit): " Buzzy, Buzzy wake up ". But it did not move a hair (calque du français) . I run (temps du récit) towards my father who was in the bathroom to say (verbe incorrect, il faut le sens de "raconter" ) to him that Buzzy did not move. He come ( temps) and, by seeing my rabbit, tells (temps) me to leave in my room. Then me, my brothers and my mother, commands (conjugaison, regardez ce que vous avez en sujet) go (construction de Command, verbe à revoir) to the garden, where my father had dug a small hole underneath the rosebush, where my rabbit had habit ( il y a un verbe pour " avoir l'habitude de" + preterit) to make holes. I understood right away. My father buried it, and has this instant there (calque du français) , it was the first time when I seen (temps) my father mourning.


Amicalement

sébastien


Réponse: Correction/special day in my life de renrenaud, postée le 04-11-2009 à 12:37:35 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour ces indications j'en tiendrais compte, Je te remercie vraiment.

Renaud.


Réponse: Correction/special day in my life de renrenaud, postée le 04-11-2009 à 12:55:22 (S | E)
Voila la version corrigé je pense qu'elle est maintenant au point, merci encore.


I am going to introduce you a very special day in my life. It goes back up in for a long time. I was very young and my rabbit, Buzzy died. As every day I wake up me easy. I took a good breakfast, and saw that this time my rabbit was not with me in the kitchen turning around the table. After my breakfast I keep going to see on the floor if he was not sleeping in his animal box, what he normally never made in the morning. This time it was there. I saw it lengthened, on the back. And I said to him: “Buzzy, Buzzy wake up”. But it did not move. I ran towards my father who was in the bathroom to describe to him that Buzzy did not move. He came and, by seeing my rabbit, told me to leave in my room. Then me, my brothers and my mother, has went to the garden, where my father had dug a small hole underneath the rosebush, where my rabbit be given to make holes. I understood right away. My father buried it, and has this moment; it was the first time when I saw my father mourning.




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