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Correction advertizers-junk food (1)

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Correction advertizers-junk food
Message de pop68 posté le 20-02-2009 à 09:06:03 (S | E | F)

Bonjour bonjour Voilà j'ai du écrire un petit texte sur une photo et je suis sûre qu'il y a des fautes. Je voudrais savoir si vous pouviez m'aider à me corriger s'il vous plaît ? Ce serait vraiment gentil ! Merci d'avance

Voilà le texte :


This is a photo which shows a lazy man alone in his livingroom on the left. Holding the remote control and wearing a tracksuit, he's watching Tv. In addition, he's collapsing and his arms are hanging down : he seems to be tired. In the room, there is no luggage excepta n armchair and the TV screen. Near to it, a ferret is looking at the careless man who seems to be brain-whashed by the TV. He's not thniking anymore, the Tv replaces his brain . On the right, junk food like soft drinks, pop corn, hamburgers, chips and ice creams is shooting out from the telly and all this food is giving to the baldness man.
The photographer had two aims. Firstly, he illustrates the influence of the Tv on human beings and the power advertizers have on them. Commercials do as much as possible you to want to have what they show on Tv : they create a need. Alle the more since, on this photo, junk food seems to be given to him.
Furthermore, the author shows through his photo the new behaviour of the population : the inactivity of human beings. He presents the pitiful man doing nothinng to emphasize the loss of the control.
While the population is passive, advertizers and commercials have the upper hand.
The photographer is against the excessive advertising which even succeed to manipulate old people, not only teenagers and wants to denounce their behaviour .


Réponse: Correction advertizers-junk food de jeanba, postée le 20-02-2009 à 11:01:05 (S | E)
lol si tu nous donnais le lien de l'image ça aiderait drôlement ^^

-------------------
Modifié par mariebru le 20-02-2009 12:51


Réponse: Correction advertizers-junk food de pop68, postée le 20-02-2009 à 13:18:53 (S | E)
Je n'ai malheureusement pas le lien internet :/
C'est une photocopie.


Réponse: Correction advertizers-junk food de robertbrou, postée le 20-02-2009 à 13:55:23 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Voici mes corrections proposées.

Rose - fautes d'orthographe
Rouge - erreurs a corriger
Faire attention également au points et aux deux-points. On ne met pas d'espace devant en Anglais.

This is a photo which shows a lazy man alone in his livingroom on the left. Holding the remote control and wearing a tracksuit, he's watching Tv. In addition, he's collapsing and his arms are hanging down : he seems to be tired. In the room, there is no luggage excepta n armchair and the TV screen. Near to it, a ferret is looking at the careless man who seems to be brain-whashed by the TV. He's not thniking anymore, the Tv replaces his brain . On the right, junk food like soft drinks, pop corn, hamburgers, chips and ice creams is shooting out from the telly and all this food is giving to the baldness man.
The photographer had two aims. Firstly, he illustrates the influence of the Tv on human beings and the power advertizers have on them. Commercials do as much as possible you to want to have what they show on Tv : they create a need. Alle the more since, on this photo, junk food seems to be given to him.
Furthermore, the author shows through his photo the new behaviour of the population : the inactivity of human beings. He presents the pitiful man doing nothinng to emphasize the loss of the control.
While the population is passive, advertizers and commercials have the upper hand.
The photographer is against the excessive advertising which even succeed to manipulate old people, not only teenagers, and wants to denounce their behaviour .


Hope this helps!

robertbrou






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