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Counts of Savoy (correction)
Message de enkariss posté le 15-10-2008 à 19:55:27 (S | E | F)
I've written this text, But I'm not sure of my english... Well, if you are native english speaker, you may have some suggestion. I thank you in advance very very much ^^
The Counts of Savoy were planning to improve their port. First, removable landing stages were added to unload the biggest boats
In 1612, Charles Emmanuel the first, granted the title of free port to Nice, that means that there was no tax on goods. There was even a right of asylum for anyone whose work was related to the sea. Of course, the economic position of nice increased, as well as its population, and numerous churches were built.
Claimed by France, The county of Nice was the theatre of several attacks of French troops, fell, and the castle on the hill, was destroyed by Louis the XIV th, in 1706. One year later, the county returned to Savoy.
The traffic in the port was increasing and despite several development plans, the place was definitely too small. This way the count of Savoy, who had become the king of Sardinia, decided to move the port to its present place.
Building a new port suggests the development of a lot of facilities, and this project needed three engineers, and half a century to be completed. A new area, named Lympia, meaning pure water, was erected. To achieve this goal, the stones of the former castle were used to build the sea wall, and they put a jail in the surrounding to benefit from the labour of the prisoners. The southern cliff of the hill was partly destroyed to open the road of Roba Capeu over there.
(This name means “hat thief”referringg to the sudden gust of wind that blow on this place).
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Modifié par bridg le 15-10-2008 20:05
titre / forum principal
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Modifié par enkariss le 15-10-2008 20:51
Message de enkariss posté le 15-10-2008 à 19:55:27 (S | E | F)
I've written this text, But I'm not sure of my english... Well, if you are native english speaker, you may have some suggestion. I thank you in advance very very much ^^
The Counts of Savoy were planning to improve their port. First, removable landing stages were added to unload the biggest boats
In 1612, Charles Emmanuel the first, granted the title of free port to Nice, that means that there was no tax on goods. There was even a right of asylum for anyone whose work was related to the sea. Of course, the economic position of nice increased, as well as its population, and numerous churches were built.
Claimed by France, The county of Nice was the theatre of several attacks of French troops, fell, and the castle on the hill, was destroyed by Louis the XIV th, in 1706. One year later, the county returned to Savoy.
The traffic in the port was increasing and despite several development plans, the place was definitely too small. This way the count of Savoy, who had become the king of Sardinia, decided to move the port to its present place.
Building a new port suggests the development of a lot of facilities, and this project needed three engineers, and half a century to be completed. A new area, named Lympia, meaning pure water, was erected. To achieve this goal, the stones of the former castle were used to build the sea wall, and they put a jail in the surrounding to benefit from the labour of the prisoners. The southern cliff of the hill was partly destroyed to open the road of Roba Capeu over there.
(This name means “hat thief”referringg to the sudden gust of wind that blow on this place).
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Modifié par bridg le 15-10-2008 20:05
titre / forum principal
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Modifié par enkariss le 15-10-2008 20:51
Réponse: Counts of Savoy (correction) de robertbrou, postée le 17-10-2008 à 15:58:41 (S | E)
Voici me suggestions. D'abord, il faut faire attention aux majuscules pour les noms propres. Attention également à l'utilisation des virgules.
removable landing stages -> portable ramps (je devine, car je n'ai pas vu le text d'origine)
biggest boats -> largest boats/ships ("biggest" alors correct semble moins formel)
economic position -> economic situation
of French troops - by French troops
fell - ? (Il faudrait faire une autre phrase)
Par exemple: The county of Nice was the theatre of several attacks of French troops, which led to its fall, and the castle on the hill was destroyed by Louis the 14th in 1706 (N.B. sans trop de virgules)
the place was - the space was
to its present place - to its present location
and a half a century to be completed - that took a half a century to complete
they put a jail in the surrounding ^^ - ici "surrounding" doit modifier un nom. Il doit s'agir de "aux environs" du text d'origine.
Par exemple: they built a prison nearby to take adavantage of prisoner labour
open the road of Roba Capeu over there - open the road to Roba Capeu on the other side
ici, "over there" indique que vous montrez quelque chose. J'ai mis "on the other side" car il paraît que Roba Capeu est à l'autre côté de la colline.
J'espère que cela vous aide.
Rob
Réponse: Counts of Savoy (correction) de enkariss, postée le 19-10-2008 à 13:48:15 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide. Je prends note de vos conseil, effectivement, j'ai encore qq problemes de grammaire à résoudre. La raison pour la quelle je désigne directement et que ce sont des textes que je rédige pour pouvoir présenter le port en anglais, donc ce sera effectivement sur place que j'utiliserai ce document. Merci beaucoup, car mon plus grand problème est de ne pas etre sur de moi sur certains points.
