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Un magasin (correction) (1)

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Un magasin (correction)
Message de esmax666 posté le 13-06-2008 à 01:16:00 (S | E | F)

Hello tout le monde,
J'aurais déjà besoin d'un 1er avis
Je passe un examen d'oral anglais et on doit préparer une discussion sur ce magasin (avantage... pourquoi ce succès...)
Pourriez vous me dire quels sont les erreurs?
(je ne connais pas trop le texte de ma partenaire, elle n'a encore eu le temps de le mettre en forme mais j'aimerais déjà y travailler) merci
XXX <- sont texte :-)

Moi:In my mind,xxx knows a really great success because he has developed a collection of in-house brands for each sport. I have a lot of friends who agree me. Indeed, we can find in-house brands according to each people and for each budget.
Furthermore, they have a lot of choice for all sport that we can practice, football, tennis, fishing… There advertise about 35000 different article on average per store.

And you, what do you think about xxx?
SHE XXXX
XXXX
XXXX puis il me demande quel invention j'aime bien ou je ne sais pas encore lol

Moi: I saw in a TV report called “Capital” that they (have) developed a new bike, “xxx”. It was a really revolution because the same bike is adapted for girl and boys. Moreover, you can go for a ride on the road or thought the forest. I haven’t this bike but I have a Rockrider, its produce too from this shop and I am fully satisfied. Last week, I was there in order to by fishing gear (équipement pêche)

XXXXX
XXXXX
XXXXX

Moi: And I just would like to add that they product a tent which is very impressive! I guess that you know it, it was advertised with many TV channel. It’s the xxx tent, you open the bag (ou sac), you drop (jeter) the tent and it’s okay, you just must push in the tent poles (piquet de tente). That’s why it’s really fast and so (consequently) practical.
Do you have this tent?

XXXX
XXXX
XXXX

Moi: I have a xxx just near my little town and and it is well known. There is even many German who come in France in order to go in this shop. I don’t know anybody who wasn’t satisfied when then leaving the store

XXXX
XXX
Do you think that xxx have weaknesses?

Moi: In my opinion, there is just one or two weakness. As it’s a big store with a lot of customer and seller… there is not the same contact as (like) a little shop which there is always the same seller qualified for one sport. Moreover, I am not sure but you can order a special bike for example that you can’t find in a megastore. However, it’s generally more expensive than a megastore and it’s maybe more possible that he shut-up before a megastore.
Do you agree me?

XXX
XXX
XXXXWhat do you think about the future?

Moi:xxx is well implanted, there are about four hundred stores around the world and I guess that the number of them will increase. Indeed, they main goal is to satisfy customers with good products tested by sport people and technical partners and that’s why the number of customer increase(s) every year.
I guess that the small store will disappear and will be replace by megastore because their turnover continually increase. The turnover of xxx was about 3,5million in 2005 and now it’s at 4millions

XXX
XXXX
Do you want to and something?

Moi:To sum up, I just would like to add that it’s now possible to buy (affaire??) with internet and to my mind it’s practice. Moreover her SAV is better than a xxx because their technicians are qualified. They can immediately repair a bike.
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 13-06-2008 06:58
xxx = retrait des noms reconnaissables + titre


Réponse: Un magasin (correction) de chilla, postée le 13-06-2008 à 03:14:16 (S | E)
Question...hors sujet...
Correction-Discution sur xxx(Mag.)
Message de esmax666 posté le 13-06-2008 à 01:16:00

esmax, j'imagine que c'est de cette Discussion -ci dont tu veux parler !

-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 13-06-2008 07:07


Réponse: Un magasin (correction) de esmax666, postée le 13-06-2008 à 13:25:50 (S | E)
oui j'aimerais que vous me corrigiez cette discussion
Merci



Réponse: Un magasin (correction) de joey93, postée le 14-06-2008 à 13:44:08 (S | E)
it, étant donné qu'il s'agit d'un magasin.
Agree WITH me.
Je ne comprend pas le sens de ta phrase "indeed...budget". Que veux tu dire?
they advertise, pas "there".
They developed.
it really was a revolution...girlS
I don't have this bike
to bUY (attention à ta frappe)
they produce (product est le nom)
you just have to push .... (revois l'emploi des modaux)
that's why it's really fast and convenient.
I don't know anyone who wasn't satisfied when they left the store.
Si ce magasin a 2 faiblesses, alors weakness est au pluriel (weaknesses).
customerS and sellerS
there isn't the same contact unlike a little shop where there's always...
and it may shut up before a megastore.
.... that this number is going to increase.
...tested by sportmen (and sportwomen)
the number increases
and will be replaced (voix passive)
bon courage pour ton oral


Réponse: Un magasin (correction) de esmax666, postée le 14-06-2008 à 16:54:45 (S | E)
Merci pour ton aide, voila ma nouvelle version, il me reste quelques phrases que j'ai pas réussi à mettre en anglais ... et de plus si vous savez ou mettre des mots de liaison ou autre ... n'hésitez pas les professeurs aiment bien

Moi: To my mind xxx has had a great deal of success because he has developed a collection of in-house brands for each sport. Moreover, a lot of my friends agree. Really, you can find in-house brands for every taste and for every budget.
Furthermore, they have a huge choice for every sport. For exemple football, tennis, fishing, you name it.That's why attract everybody who follow a sport. Indeed, they offer about 35,000 different articles on average per store whereas other megastore like YYY don’t offer the same choice and haven’t many in-house brands de qualité (je sais pas comment le dire en anglais).
And you, what do you think about decathlon?


Elle:blabla
What for you, their best invention ?


Moi: I saw in a TV report called "Capital" that they have developed a new bike "xxx". It was a real revolution, because exactly the same bike was adapted for girls and boys. Moreover, you can go for a ride on the road or through the forest. It is the first bike sold in France and it's the third around the world. There are more than 2 millions bikes sold the last year. In fact, I don't have this exact bike, but I have a Rockrider, which is also produces by this store, and I am really happy with it.(un mot de transistion?) I was there just last week buying some fishing gear.
And you, what do you think about the keys Decathlon’s success. Which is the more important?


Elle:XXXX
XXXXX?


Moi: I just would like to add that they make this tent which is very impressive! I guess you've heard about it; it was advertised on a lot of TV channels. It's the XXX tent; you open the bag, drop it on the ground, shove in the tent poles and it's ready to go. That's how fast it is. It is so user friendly! XXX is the only store witch invents and produces original products. (j’aurais aimé dire que des 10éne de millier en été vendu en France et que l’on en trouve beaucoup dans les campind ce qui montre leur succes et fais de la pub pour XXX et l'on ne trouve ce type de pub chez les autres) Do you have one of those?


XXXX


Moi: I have a xxx just near the little town that I live in and everyone knows about it. There are even a lot of Germans who come into France just to go to the store. I don't know anybody who wasn't satisfied on leaving the store. It’s the only store witch attract foreign customers in my town (dans mon coin)
Do you see what I mean?


XXXX
So, for you what are the weaknesses of decathlon?


Moi: Well, in my opinion there are just one or two weaknesses. As it's a big store with a lot of customers and staff, there is not the same contact that you find in a little place, where you always find the same person in charge qualified for one sport.(ici j’amerais rajouter une phrase disant: Que dans un petit magasin on peut mieu demander conseil car la personne ne fait que ca, elle est specialisé dans son sport) Moreover, although I am not sure, I think that you can order specific bikes in small outlets that you just can't find in a megastore. However, that tends to be quite expensive.
Also, on balance, the megastores tend to have longer opening hours.
Do you agree me?


XXXX
What do you think about the future?


Moi: xxx is well established. There are about four hundred stores around the world, and I think that the number of them will increase. Indeed, their main goal is to satisfy customers with good products tested by sports people and their technical partners, and that's why the number of customers increases every year.
I guess that the small store will disappear and will be replaced by the megastore, because their turnover continually increases. The turnover of xxx was about 3.5 million in 2005, and now it's at 4 million Euros. In addition, the sales of their in-house brands represent about half of this turnover



-------------------
Modifié par esmax666 le 14-06-2008 18:56


Réponse: Un magasin (correction) de esmax666, postée le 14-06-2008 à 16:55:11 (S | E)
XXX

Moi: The other thing is that more and more people are buying things from xxx online because they have a good website. They also have a great after sales service, which is better than that found with other outlets such as YYY, because xxx's technicians are well trained. Getting your bike fixed or your racket restrung there is no problem.



Réponse: Un magasin (correction) de laure95, postée le 14-06-2008 à 19:24:59 (S | E)
Bonjour. Voici ce que tu dois encore corriger.
- many plutôt que "a lot of".
- that's why attract (3è personne du singulier) everybody who follow (follow: suivre quelqu'un) a sport.
- other megastore: 1 ou plusieurs?
- haven't n'est pas la forme négative du présent simple de HAVE.
- de qualité: of quality.
- exactly: place le après "adapted".
- there are more than 2 millions bikes sold the last year: mettre la voix pasive avec comme sujet 2 millions bikes.
- exact: remplace par same.
- is also produces: voix passive: BE + participe passé du verbe.
- i was there just last week: changer la place de there.
- buying: to buy.
- of après the keys.
- the more important: revoie la règle du superlatif!!!
- ever à rajouter entre HAVE et HEARD.
- that's how fast it is.
- it is so user friendly: je ne comprends pas.
- the little town that
- Germans: German people or the Germans.
- just to go: pourquoi to?
on leaving the store: after leaving the store.
- change la place de qualified.
- increases: is increasing.
-that found: what is found.
- ther is no pronlem à change de place.


Réponse: Un magasin (correction) de esmax666, postée le 15-06-2008 à 11:33:36 (S | E)
Merci pour ton aide mais j'ai pas tout compris voila ce que j'ai maintenant


Moi: In my mind xxx has had a great deal of success because he has developed a collection of in-house brands for each sport. Moreover, many of my friends agree. Really, you can find in-house brands for every taste and for every budget.
Furthermore, they have a huge choice for every sport. For example: football, tennis, fishing, you name it. That's why they attract everybody who practice a sport. Indeed, they offer about 35,000 different articles on average per store whereas other megastores like YYY don’t offer the same choice and haven’t many in-house brands of quality
And you, what do you think about decathlon?
Elle:blabla
What for you, their best invention ?
Moi: I saw in a TV report called "Capital" that they have developed a new bike "xxx". It was a real revolution, because the same bike was adapted exactly for girls and boys. Moreover, you can go for a ride on the road or through the forest. It is the first bike sold in France and Third aroud the world. There were more than 2 millions bikes sold this last year. In fact, I don't have this same bike, but I have a Rockrider, which is also produced by this store, and I am really happy with. I often go to XXX and I was just there last week to by some fishing gear.
And you, what do you think about the keys of Decathlon’s success. Which is the most important?
Elle:XXXX
XXXXX?
Moi: I just would like to add that they make this tent which is very impressive! I guess you've ever heard about it; it was advertised on a lot of TV channels. It's the XXX tent; you open the bag, drop it on the ground, shove in the tent poles and it's ready to go. That's how fast it is. It is so user friendly! XXX is the only store witch invents and produces original products. Tens of thousands of these tents have been sold in France, and you often see them in camping sites, which shows their success while at the same time their gives them some free publicity. It’s an advantage that the other stores don't have. Do you have one of those?
XXXX

Moi: I have a xxx just near the little town where I live in and everyone knows about it. There are even a lot of the Germans who come into France just go to the store. I don't know anybody who wasn't satisfied after leaving the store. It’s the only store witch attract foreign customers in my town (dans mon coin)
Do you see what I mean?

XXXX
So, for you what are the weaknesses of decathlon?

Moi: Well, in my opinion there are just one or two weaknesses. As it's a big store with a lot of customers and staff, there is not the same contact that you find in a little place, where you always find the same person qualified in charge for one sport.(ici j’amerais rajouter une phrase disant: Que dans un petit magasin on peut mieu demander conseil car la personne ne fait que ca, elle est specialisé dans son sport) Moreover, although I am not sure, I think that you can order specific bikes in small outlets that you just can't find in a megastore. However, that tends to be quite expensive.
Also, on balance, the megastores tend to have longer opening hours.
Do you agree me?
XXXX
What do you think about the future?



Réponse: Un magasin (correction) de esmax666, postée le 15-06-2008 à 11:39:15 (S | E)
Moi: xxx is well established. There are about four hundred stores around the world, and I think that the number of them will increase. Indeed, their main goal is to satisfy customers with good products tested by sports people and their technical partners, and that's why the number of customers is increasing every year.
I guess that the small store will disappear and will be replaced by the megastore, because their turnover continually increases. The turnover of xxx was about 3.5 million in 2005, and now it's at 4 million Euros.

XXX

Moi: The other thing is that more and more people are buying things from xxx online because they have a good website. They also have a great after sales service, which is better than what is found with other outlets such as YYY, because xxx's technicians are well trained. There is no problem Getting your bike fixed or your racket restrung.




----



Pour les remarques:
it is so user friendly, c'est quelqu'un qui m'avait donné ces phrases... je crois que c'etait des expressions ...

- haven't n'est pas la forme négative du présent simple de HAVE.
J'ai pas compris, sorry :/

Sinon
witch attract foreign customers in my town (dans mon coin)
comment remplacer "my trown" par "dans mon coin" ?



Et t'il possible de modifier cette phrase, je la trouve assez compliqué
"Getting your bike fixed or your racket restrung there is no problem."

J'aurais dis : they can repair your bike in a short time, and if do you play tennis it's possible to optimize your tense the lines of your racket"

Plus facile a retenir pour moi lol


Réponse: Un magasin (correction) de laure95, postée le 15-06-2008 à 18:48:56 (S | E)
Bonjour esmax66. Mes commentaires sont toujours dans l'ordre du texte.
- agree: il faut rajouter après: "with me".
- que vient faire "really" en début de phrase?
- sujet de "practice": everybody donc 3è personne du singulier.
- tu ne peux mettre "haven't" que suivi de GOT ou pour le présent perfect. Forme négative du présent simple: DON'T / DOESN'T + INFINITIF.
- i saw: utilise plutôt le présent perfect.
- exactly me gêne.
- it is the first bike sold: fais une subordonnée après bike.
- there were more than 2 millions bikes sold: phrase trop lourde. Fais une phrase simple avec une voix passive avec 2 million bikes en sujet et sold en verbe (oublie la structure avec there).
- i am really happy with: il manque "it" après with.
- they make this tent: utilise le présent perfect.
- at the same time their gives them
- there are even a lot of the Germans: à cause de a lot of, il faut mettre: German people.
- just go: just to go.
- dans mon coin: in my area.
- the same person quailifie: mets qualified entre same et person.
- pour ta demande de traduction: in a little store, you can ask advice to a shop assistant which knows many things about a sport in particular. Mais on peut trouver mieux.
- do you agree me? Il manque with avant me.
-the number of them: their number.
- Ok pour ton cahngement: they can repair your bike in a short tim mais je ne comprends pas la fin: and if do you play tennis it's possible to optimize your tense the lines of your racket.



Réponse: Un magasin (correction) de esmax666, postée le 15-06-2008 à 21:56:20 (S | E)
" exactly me gêne."
Pourquoi il te gène? je croyais qu'il fallait le mettre là

"it is the first bike sold: fais une subordonnée après bike."
par contre là j suis vraiment pas tres bon dans ce domaine :/


"there were more than 2 millions bikes sold"
More than 2 millions bikes were sold the last year?


they make this tent:
They have done thus tent

at the same time their gives them
at the same time their give them ? j'enleve le "s"


they can repair your bike in a short tim mais je ne comprends pas la fin: and if do you play tennis it's possible to optimize your tense the lines of your racket.
Ici je voulais dire que l'on peut tirer les fils de sa raquette/ ou bien simplement dire qu'il peuvent la réglé


Merci encore pour ton aide, est ce que tu pourrais jeter un petit coup sur ce texte egalement , car je dois le savoir pour jeudi
Lien Internet


Merci encore


Réponse: Un magasin (correction) de laure95, postée le 17-06-2008 à 18:49:32 (S | E)
- It's the first bike sold: It's the first bike which was sold in France.
- OK pour correction: More than 2 million (pas de s à la fin) bikes were sold the last year. Mais pas de "the" avant "last").
- OK, laisse exactly.
it's possible to optimize your tense the lines of your rackets: It's possible to optimize the tense of the lines of your racket. Je vais regarder ton autre texte.




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