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y a-t-il des fautes? :) (1)

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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y a-t-il des fautes? :)
Message de bibi73 posté le 02-06-2008 à 20:59:06 (S | E | F)

Bonsoir tout le monde, voici un texte que j'ai rédigé, pouvez vous me dire s'il y a des fautes? Merci beaucoup !!

This text is an extract from "Newsweek3 and its untitled "Time to plan your life". It was written by Sarah H.Greenberg.
This article deals with the women's work situation since the 1970s until today. It talks about the difficulty for a woman to have in the same time work prospects and family.


At the beginning of the text the author talks about the situation in the 1970s. At this time the first women who wants to work must choice between career and family because it was so hard to joggle with the twoth. That's why this generation have made career their priority.
Than she describes the situation today. Now young women work hard for a time, stop working life and next return to a part-time job or a dead en job. She quotes Kathleen Gerson ( a sociologist): "Women are more concerned with finding a balance between public and private, family and work". That's why new mother have children at an earlier age to returning to work more quickly.
Than Susan H Greenberg describes the risk of a part time job. In fact the part time job is not a real work security because it is the first to go in an economic downturn and often it's not enough to earn one's living.
Now the new difficulty for women is to find an equal partner who can help him in housework and childcare.


At the end Susan H Greenberg conclued by the ultimate goal which is the women and the men are equal at the labour and the house market.

-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 02-06-2008 22:05
Merci aux membres qui ont le gentillesse de répondre, de simplement signaler les erreurs, et de permettre au membre demandeur de s'auto corriger.



Réponse: y a-t-il des fautes? :) de bibi73, postée le 02-06-2008 à 22:02:20 (S | E)
Personne ne peut m'aider..? Svp


Réponse: y a-t-il des fautes? :) de marlond, postée le 02-06-2008 à 22:16:31 (S | E)
At the beginning of the text the author talks about the situation in the 1970s. At this time the first women who wants [conjugation error] to work must choice [This is the noun. You need a verb] between [need an article before 'career' - 'their' or 'a'] career and [same as previous]family because it was so hard to joggle [spelling] with the twoth [this looks like a combination of the words "two" and "both" - original, but it's not a word!]. That's why this generation have made career their priority.
Than she describes the situation today. Now young women work hard for a time, stop working life and next [better "then"] return to a part-time job or a dead en job [a) spelling error; b) this is a VERY slangy expression! It's not suitable for a text of this register]. She quotes Kathleen Gerson ( a sociologist): "Women are more concerned with finding a balance between public and private, family and work". That's why new mother[s] have children at an earlier age to returning to work more quickly [this sentence doesn't make sense! - reread and rephrase].
Than Susan H Greenberg describes the risk of a part time job. In fact the part time job [use the plural to refer to them generally] is not a real work security [this doesn't sound right - perhaps the expression "do not provide security" would fit better?] because it is the first to go in an economic downturn and often it's not enough to earn one's living [this isn't wrong, but usually you say "to earn a living", rather than "one's". Feel free to leave yours though, it sounds okay.].
Now the new difficulty for women is to find ["finding"] an equal partner who can help him ["women" are feminine and plural not masculine and singular!] in housework and childcare.


Réponse: y a-t-il des fautes? :) de bibi73, postée le 02-06-2008 à 22:29:51 (S | E)
Thank you very very much marlond, is that more correct??

At the beginning of the text the author talks about the situation in the 1970s. At this time the first women who wanted to work must choose between a career and a family because it was so hard to juggle with both. That's why this generation have made career their priority.
Than she describes the situation today. Now young women work hard for a time, stop working life and then return to a part-time job or a (I don't know what I should write ). She quotes Kathleen Gerson ( a sociologist): "Women are more concerned with finding a balance between public and private, family and work". That's why new mothers have children at an earlier age in order to returning to work more quickly then
Than Susan H Greenberg describes the risk of a part time job. In fact many times in job do not provide security because it is the first to go in an economic downturn and often it's not enough to earn a living
Now the new difficulty for women is finding an equal partner who can help them in housework and childcare.


Réponse: y a-t-il des fautes? :) de marlond, postée le 02-06-2008 à 22:38:10 (S | E)
At this time the first women who wanted to work must [tense]choose between a career and a family because it was so hard to juggle with both.

That's why this generation have made [need article] career their priority.

Than [typing error?] she describes the situation today. Now young women work hard for a time, stop working life and then return to a [how about: "part-time or low-paid job"].

That's why new mothers have children at an earlier age in order to returning [grammar! you're right you need the infinitive with "to", but the verb us not "to returning".] to work more quickly then [afterwards].

In fact many times in job do not provide security [grammar! try again and I'll look again] because it is the first to go in an economic downturn and often it's not enough to earn a living


Réponse: y a-t-il des fautes? :) de bibi73, postée le 02-06-2008 à 22:44:20 (S | E)
At this time the first women who wanted to work had to choose between a career and a family because it was so hard to juggle with both.

That's why this generation have made work their priority.

Then she describes the situation today. Now young women work hard for a time, stop working life and then return to a low-paid job.

That's why new mothers have children at an earlier age in order to go back to work more quickly

In fact working hard do not provide security because it is the first to go in an economic downturn and often it's not enough to earn a living

Is that correct? thanks a lot


Réponse: y a-t-il des fautes? :) de marlond, postée le 02-06-2008 à 23:01:29 (S | E)
Almost perfect!

Just this one:
In fact working hard do not provide security because it is the first to go in an economic downturn and often it's not enough to earn a living
a) conjugation error of "do"
b) "it" should refer back to a noun, really, and it doesn't here. Also, you've lost the original meaning slightly. How about "In fact, these even working hard in these kind of jobs [change "do" from above!] not provide women security as they're the first to go..."

It's really quite a good text.
Well done,
marlond


Réponse: y a-t-il des fautes? :) de bibi73, postée le 02-06-2008 à 23:04:54 (S | E)
The sentence is :
In fact, these even working hard in these kind of jobs above not provide women security as they're the first to go...
?


Réponse: y a-t-il des fautes? :) de bibi73, postée le 02-06-2008 à 23:09:46 (S | E)
ohh noo I've understood : it's " doesn't " ok ! thank you marlond !


Réponse: y a-t-il des fautes? :) de marlond, postée le 02-06-2008 à 23:10:46 (S | E)
Sorry, no, there's a mistake in that! I'm English and even I can't speak English properly... I'm not entirely sure what I meant!

This is right:
In fact, even those who work hard in this kind of job don't have much job security as they're the first to go when there's an economic downturn and they often don't earn enough from them to make a living.

Or even:
... don't earn enough to make ends meet.

Sorry again about my mistake!

marlond



Réponse: y a-t-il des fautes? :) de florhinda, postée le 02-06-2008 à 23:31:25 (S | E)
Bonsoir Bibi73.

Voici ma proposition. Libre à toi de voir si cela correspond à ton idée.
J'ai mis entre () les modifications que j'ai apportées.
Petite question: Que veux-tu dire par "often it's not enough to earn one's living"?


This text is an extract from "Newsweek3 and (it's)(titled) "Time to plan your life". It was written by Sarah H.Greenberg.
This article deals with ( ) women's work situation since the 1970s until today. It talks about the difficulty for a woman to acomodate work and family time.


At the beginning of the text the author (describes) the situation in the 1970s. (In this period) the first (woman) who (wanted) to work (had to choose) between career and family because it was (too much) hard to (combine the both). That's why this generation (made) (women's) career their priority.
(She also) describes the situation today. (Nowadays) young women starts (working) hard, (stop working) and (finally) return to a part-time job or a (dead-end) job. She quotes Kathleen Gerson (a sociologist): "Women are more concerned with finding a balance between public and private, family and work". That's why new (mothers) have children at an earlier age to (find a job) more quickly (Ceci pour ne pas entraver leurs carrières?)
(To finish), Susan H Greenberg describes the risk of a part-time job. (Indeed) part-time (jobs are) not (really secure) because (they are) the first to(desapear) in an economic downturn and often it's not enough to earn one's living (Que signifie de "often à living"?)
Now the (new: additional?) difficulty for women is to find an equal partner who can help (her)in housework and childcare.


At the end Susan H Greenberg conclued by the ultimate (objective) (that) women and men (have to be) equal (on the) labour and house markets (Cette conclusion est-elle le résultat de cette extrait ou est-ce un élargissement sur un autre sujet tel que les inégalités de salaire par exemple?)



J'espère t'avoir apporté un petit plus. Vois aussi les éventuelles autres corrections que tu peux avoir.

A bientôt!

Flora


Réponse: y a-t-il des fautes? :) de marlond, postée le 03-06-2008 à 01:05:11 (S | E)
Sorry, I hadn't seen the first and last sections:

This article deals with the women's work situation women in the workplace since from the 1970s until todayto the present day. It talks about the difficulty for a woman to have in the same time work prospects and familythat a woman faces trying to balance family with her career..

At the end Susan H Greenberg conclued [spelling] by the ultimate goal [I don't understand this bit] which is the women and the men are equal at in the labour and the house market.their work and at home.

I haven't put explanation, but if anything's unclear, please ask.

Beware that there are a few errors in Flora's contribution!





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