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awakening ... ( correction) (1)

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awakening ... ( correction)
Message de sahar25 posté le 03-04-2008 à 15:30:08 (S | E | F)

Can you correct this please?

The thing that most attracted me in this work is the awakening of the children because I am a person who loves playing with the children, to teaching them and also to listening them. When I was young I already liked to do the babysitting with my cousins and also with the children of my neighbours. For me this is a real passion to be with children because this is the most beautiful thing in the world than I admire and than I preserve.

Having obtained a DUT (Two-year undergraduate vocational degree) in software, I have access to good knowledge in communication and expression which allows me to adapt me and to overcome any position facing the children. I hold also a good level of English as I wish to perfect thanks to the communication.

As part of my first year of engineer’s school at Vannes in France, I must carry out a linguistic training of two months while working in an English-speaking country. For that I chose the pretty city of Southampton to carry out this linguistic training, also the work of play worker is the better work when I could practice my English.


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Modifié par bridg le 03-04-2008 17:20
titre distinctif
forum principal


Réponse: awakening ... ( correction) de sitelle, postée le 04-04-2008 à 10:56:08 (S | E)
The thing that most attracted me in this work is the awakening of the children because I am a person who loves playing with the children, to teaching them and also to listening them. When I was young I already liked to do the babysitting with my cousins and also with the children of my neighbours. (Employez le génitif) For me this is a real passion to be with children because this is the most beautiful thing in the world than I admire and than I preserve.

Having obtained a DUT (Two-year undergraduate vocational degree) in software, I have access to good knowledge in communication and expression which allows me to adapt me (myself) and to overcome any position facing the children. I also hold a good level of (in) English as I wish to perfect (perfect n'est pas un verbe!) thanks to the communication.

As part of my first year of engineer’s school at Vannes in France, I must carry out a linguistic training of two months while working in an English-speaking country. For that I chose the pretty city of Southampton to carry out this linguistic training, also the work of play worker is the better work when (vocabulaire) I could ( temps) practice my English.




Réponse: awakening ... ( correction) de sahar25, postée le 09-04-2008 à 23:01:47 (S | E)
Voila la nouvelle version de ma lettre:

What I am the most interested in this job is working with children because I am a person who loves playing with children, teaching them and also listening to them. I feel myself as I am a kid and that I am not so different from them. When I was young I liked doing babysitter with my young cousins and also with my neighbour’s children. I realized that they also liked to be with me and they were always asking their parents for me. I think that I am very patient with them and that I understand very exactly what they need. It is a real passion for me to be with children because it is the most beautiful thing in the world that I admire and I preserve.

To have a DUT (Two-year undergraduate vocational degree) in software allows me to have good knowledge in communication and expression which allows me to be very adaptable and to overcome any situation facing children. I have also a good level in English that I wish to perfect thanks to communication.

As part of my first year of engineer’s school at Vannes in France, I must carry out a linguistic training of two months while working in an English-speaking country. For that reason I chose the pretty city of Southampton to carry out this linguistic training. It is also because I really want to be a play worker and that it is the best work in which I could practice better my English.





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