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Nature (correction) (1)

<< Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Nature (correction)
Message de latitechlotte4 posté le 09-02-2008 à 15:24:25 (S | E | F)

bonjour,
voici un petit paragraphe que j'ai rédigé. Pouvez vous me le corriger s'il vous plait?

Somtimes I shall like to live in the nature and to wake up thanks to the sunlight.
But every morning, my waking rings and I hate this sound!!
Then I arise and I dress me. I wear my jeans, my pullover,my mantel and my shoes as well as my hat and my gloves because the winter is very cold in my country.
Some day I don't know why, but I'm late. However I take my breakfast quickly! Luckly, I haven't yet chlidren! Otherwise I wil be late all the time!
It's while a long day of works begin. I work ten hours a day from eight o'clock till eighteen o'clock.
After working, I'm going to buy food in the shop next at home.
After that I prepar my diner and when I eat, it's (déjà) ninety o'clock!
My life is very eventful! That why I sing about rest. Some evening I warch my favourite program on TV to relax and forget my work!
I love the confort of my flat. But I'm aware that my life is stressful. Maybe one day, I get tired of it (je veux dire peut être qu'un jour j'en aurai marre assez)

merci d'avance,
latitechlotte

-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 09-02-2008 15:54
Il est demandé aux membres qui auront la gentillesse de répondre de signaler les fautes, d'aider le demandeur à se corriger mais de ne jamais faire le travail à sa place. Cette règle est incontournable sur ce site d'apprentissage. Merci de votre participation.


Réponse: Nature (correction) de gyslene28, postée le 09-02-2008 à 17:23:17 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Somtimefaute de frappe peut-être I shall tolive in the nature and to wake up thanks to the sunlight. But every morning, my wakingrings and I hate thissound.
Then I arisece n'est pas approprié pour une personne and I dress meil manque quelque chose à "dress" et "me" est inutile. I my jeans,my mantlece n'est pas approprié pour une personne,my shoes,as well asmy hat and my gloves because the winter is very coldin my country.
Some day . However, I take my breakfast quickly! I haven't gotchildren yet
It's while a long day.


Bon courage !


Réponse: Nature (correction) de iwona_katarzyna, postée le 09-02-2008 à 18:32:15 (S | E)
hello,

wrong word choice or collocation:

1. arise
2. waking rings
3. wear
4. mantel
5. Some day
6. I take my breakfast

look up the words you need in a dictionary

spelling or typing? mistakes

1. Somtimes
2. Luckly
3. ninety 90 -->nine 9
4. warch
5. confort
6. prepar

grammar mistakes

1. I shall like to live
2. Otherwise I wil be late all the time!= the second conditional is required
3. That why =verb is missing
4. After working, I'm going to buy food= this is a habitual action so Present Simple is required
5. Maybe one day, I get tired of it= future tense



other mistakes or my suggestions

1. to live in the nature= to live surrounded by nature
2. to wake up thanks to the sunlight= I think passive construction would sound better

I don't know what this sentence is supposed to express: It's while a long day of works begin.


it's (déjà) ninety o'clock!= it's already 9 o'clock

o'clock= used with numbers 1 to 12


I.K.





Réponse: Nature (correction) de latitechlotte4, postée le 10-02-2008 à 11:13:53 (S | E)
merci pour votre aide, j'ai réussi à corriger mes erreurs sauf pour "I shall like to live..." que dois-je mettre à la place de shall?


Réponse: Nature (correction) de nick27, postée le 10-02-2008 à 11:15:55 (S | E)
You could say : "I would like to live ..."


Réponse: Nature (correction) de latitechlotte4, postée le 10-02-2008 à 11:18:05 (S | E)
I don't know what this sentence is supposed to express: It's while a long day of works begin.

Je voulais dire: c'est alors qu'une longue journée de travail qui commence.


Réponse: Nature (correction) de latitechlotte4, postée le 10-02-2008 à 11:33:16 (S | E)
Sometimes I would like to live surrounded by nature and to wake up thanks to the sunlight.
But every morning, my alarm rings and I hate this sound!!
Then I get up and I dress me. I put my jeans, my pullover,my coat and my shoes as well as my hat and my gloves because the winter is very cold in my country.
Some day I don't know why, but I'm late. However I have my breakfast quickly! Luckly, I haven't yet chlidren! Otherwise I would be late all the time!
It's while a long day of work begin. I work ten hours a day from eight o'clock till eighteen.
After working, I go to buy food in the shop next at home.
After that I prepare my diner and when I eat, it's already nine o'clock!
My life is very eventful! That's why I sing about rest. Some evening I watch my favourite program on TV to relax and forget my work!
I love the comfort of my flat. But I'm aware that my life is stressful. Maybe one day, I woul get tired of it.

je pense qu'il doit rester encore certaines fautes, elles seront surement plus faciles à trouver maintenant qu'il y en a moins


Réponse: Nature (correction) de iwona_katarzyna, postée le 10-02-2008 à 19:55:59 (S | E)
hi again,

some suggestions

1. But every morning, my alarm rings and I hate this sound!! ---> but every morning when my alarm clock rings I hate this sound

2. I dress me --> I get dressed

3. I put my jeans --> a phrasal verb is needed here
4. Some day --> sometimes
5. Luckly--> check spelling
6. It's while a long day of work begin--> (c'est alors qu'une longue journée de travail qui commence.) and then a long day of work begins
7. After working --> after work
8. in the shop next at home.--> change the preposition
9. After that I prepare my diner and when I eat, it's already nine o'clock!--> by the time I prepare and eat my dinner it's already 9 o'clock
10. Maybe one day, I woul get tired of it.--> I will get tired of it

11. Some day I don't know why, but I'm late. However I have my breakfast quickly!
I think this should express concession, so however isn't the best linking word in this context, I think even though suits better here.
Sometimes, I don't know why but I'm late even though I have/eat my breakfast very quickly

see you
I.





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