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Ecrit anglais/correction

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais : Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Ecrit anglais/correction
Message de mickeal posté le 19-05-2022 à 14:17:46 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Dans le cadre d'un examen d'anglais je dois faire une petite rédaction sur une journée langue à laquelle j'ai participé.
J'aimerais beaucoup avoir une correction et/ou vos éventuelles améliorations au niveau de la structure la variété des mots etc.
Voici mon texte :

On Wednesday 20/4 we had the opportunity to participate in a very interesting language day.
The day started with a conference led by Tom Morael, the conference was intended to introduce us to the company evs, a Belgian company, specializing in the world of television production. A world famous company with great values like teamwork, innovation and excellence.
Personally, I did not even know that there was a particular technology for live contents, they taught us that they were in charge of slow motion during a soccer match, which for me, as a big soccer fan, was particularly interesting.
Once this presentation on the Evs company was over, we moved on to a new one, this time focused on security and presented by Geoffrey Grespin
During this conference, we were able to learn more about the security aspects. We were for example introduced to the notion of the deming wheel with the famous PLAN DO CHECK ACT which gives a general method to improve the security within your company. We also saw that the media were a priority target for cyberattacks, especially terrorist attacks, and that it was therefore very important to secure them.
We finished the morning with a little case study where we had to decipher a code using a Wireshark capture and once done it gave a phone number. Although I didn't win the game I found this part very fun and interactive.
The lunch break was over. We continued the day with the screening of the movie initiation range.

Merci d'avance pour l'aide.


Réponse : Ecrit anglais/correction de gerondif, postée le 19-05-2022 à 15:53:25 (S | E)
Bonjour
J'aurais dit : to make them secure/ safe. To secure them me semble avoir un autre sens.
Fun étant un nom et funny un adjectif, on dit : it wasn't much fun / it wasn't very funny.



Réponse : Ecrit anglais/correction de domdom99, postée le 20-05-2022 à 03:00:22 (S | E)
Bonjour

J'ai corrigé dans le texte pour plus de simplicité.

On Wednesday APRIL 20th we had the opportunity to TAKE PART in a very interesting language day.
The day started with a TOM MORAEL LED conference, WHICH was intended to introduce us to the company evs, a Belgian company, specialiZED in the television production WORLD. This company whose main values are teamwork, innovation and excellence is world famous.
Personally, I did not even know that there was a SPECIFIC technology for live contents, they taught us that they were in charge of slow motion during a soccer match, which for me, as a big soccer fan, was particularly interesting.
Once this presentation on the Evs company was over, we moved on to a new one, this time focused on security and presented by Geoffrey Grespin
During this conference, we were able to learn more about the security aspects. We were for example introduced to the notion of the deming wheel with the famous PLAN DO CHECK ACT which gives a general method to improve the security within A company. We also saw that the media were a priority target for cyberattacks, especially terrorist attacks, and that it was therefore very important to secure them.
We ENDED the morning with a little case study where we had to CRACK a code using a Wireshark capture and once done it gave a phone number. Although I didn't win the game I found this part very ENTERTAINING and interactive.
The lunch break being over, the day CONTINUED with WATCHING the movie initiation range.



Réponse : Ecrit anglais/correction de mickeal, postée le 20-05-2022 à 11:29:19 (S | E)
Super merci beaucoup pour votre aide




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