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Correction/pirate

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Correction/pirate
Message de chd3 posté le 03-04-2020 à 10:44:02 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je dois réaliser un flyer sur un pirate fictif, pouvez vous m’aider à corriger mes phrases/paragraphes ?
Merci d’avance.
Voici mon texte:

Captain Schinoker the greatest Pirate of the XXV century
Today we have to face new bandits, but Schinoker nicknamed "the future pirate" is the worst of all.
CALL TO THE POPULATION, IF YOU MEET THIS INDIVIDUAL, WHOSE ROBOT PORTRAIT ABOVE MATCHES, CALL 09 08 07 06 05,
ESPECIALLY DO NOT INTERVENE, IT IS VERY DANGEROUS.
This flyer is a preventive and informative document on its subject.
Colour robot portrait according to information gathered.

Self defense techniques:
If you come to meet Schinoker, you must master these gestures. We are there to protect you, nevertheless it remains dangerous and and very cunning.

Who he really is:
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION
We have little information about him. He's a man in his forties. He is said to have long straight brown hair, a beard, blue eyes, a black patch, and a red pirate hat. We are aware that this description is more like that of Blackbeard in the 17th century than that of a bandit in the 15th century. However, this explains his nickname "the future pirate". In addition, it will be equipped with firearms.

MORAL DESCRIPTION
Known and recognized for more than 70 murders, 250 armed robberies, 700 offenses, he is described by our psychologists as extremely dangerous, violent, ill-polite, cunning and intelligent. His behavior is surely the consequence of a traumatic event, which shows us that he is not invincible. Knowing absolutely nothing about his personal life, from his childhood we base our entire trust on our psychologists.

His teammates and his location:
Schinoker is often accompanied by other men and women in his crimes and offenses. However, these people change all the time. We arrested one of them, but she didn't give any information because she herself doesn't know who he really is, only her physical description.
Its location remains hard to find, because in 2434 it was located on the moon. With all the money he stole, he is sure he has a rocket. On land, he will own a 4x4 car model, and at sea only a yacht; which is all the more impressive, given these offenses at sea.


Testimonials:
Andreas: I was on the beach in Miami, behind me I could see the road and the shops, when suddenly, a big black 4x4 arrives super fast, and shoots in the air. Everyone is screaming, lying on the ground, he has entered a hotel opposite, but I did not see anything more, I was also lying down. It only lasted a short time and then the 4x4 left again, I looked and there was no mark anything. I remember very well his red pirate hat and the shots.
Charlie (child): I saw a man with light brown straight hair with a beard in Arcadia's supermarket. I thought he was weird, because he was wearing big black shoes, he was scary. He had canned food in his baskets but the strangest one, and that's why I told myself that he was surely not mean, is that he also had a pink plush in it.



Réponse : Correction/pirate de laure95, postée le 03-04-2020 à 11:05:18 (S | E)
Bonjour,
-We are there (here)
- In addition, it (it?)will be equipped with firearms.

- Known and recognized for more than 70 murders,
- but she didn't give (us)any information
- because she herself (pas à la bonne place)doesn't know
- who he really is, only her (pas le bon possessif)physical description.
- because in 2434 it (it?)was located on the moon.
- he is sure he has a rocket.

- behind me I could see the road and the shops, when suddenly, a big black 4x4 arrives (temps)super fast, and shoots (temps) in the air.
- Everyone is (temps)screaming,
- he has entered (temps) a hotel opposite,
- I looked (préposition) and there was no mark anything (pas le bon mot car pas de négation sur le verbe)

- (sujet) is that he also had a pink plush in it.



Réponse : Correction/pirate de chd3, postée le 03-04-2020 à 12:49:22 (S | E)
Merci de votre aide !



Réponse : Correction/pirate de gerold, postée le 03-04-2020 à 15:28:30 (S | E)
Bonjour

Quelques remarques supplémentaires :

... it remains dangerous and and very cunning.
"the future pirate" voudrait dire qu'il n'est pas encore pirate, dites "le pirate du futur".
... a bandit in the 2515th century.
J'ai l'impression que "ill-polite" n'existe pas : impolite, rude, bad-mannered.
Portrait-robot n'existe pas non plus en anglais. Regardez ce site, il y a plusieurs propositions :
Lien internet


La fin ne va pas : ... but the strangest one, and that's why I told myself that he was surely not mean, is that he also had a pink plush in it. supprimez "one" et inversez : the strangest is that ... and that's why .... Essayez de rendre le témoignage de "Charlie" plus convaincant : il voit un homme effrayant, sans dire pourquoi, mais il n'est pas si méchant parce qu'il a une peluche rose. Comment peut-on en déduire que c'est le "pirate" ?


-------------------
Modifié par gerold le 03-04-2020 15:34






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