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Corriger mon essai - French national day

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Corriger mon essai - French national day
Message de french_frog posté le 15-07-2009 à 15:25:23 (S | E | F)

Hi, It would be kind if someone could correct the grammatical mistakes inside my writing.
And otherwise, enjoy the reading of this ironical text

bonjour, ce serait sympa si quelqu'un pouvait corriger les erreurs grammaticales que compte très certainement ce texte que j'ai écrit.
Et pour les simples lecteurs, j'espère que le texte vous plaira


France is an amazing country. In no other country in the world could you find so many paradoxes. Each Year on july the fourteenth is celebrated the french national day. This day refers to an historic event « la prise de la bastille » when more than two hundred years ago, in 1789, revolutionary attempted and achieved to take a prison called « La Bastille » and released prisoners jailed inside. This prison was a symbol of arbitrary for political prisoners were used to be detained in it. For the anecdote, already, revolutionay released only seven prisoners : none political prisoners, but four counterfeiters, two fools and one sexual harasser.

Nevertheless, This day remains as the victory of people against arbitrary power. To celebrate the event, president Sarkozy has decide to organize a big free concert before the traditional pyrotechnic spectacle. He has decided, arbitrary, to choose as singer, Johnny Hallyday, a good friend of him.

Free concert ? Surely for the spectators but less surely for the french governement (and so indirrectly for french citizens subject to the taxes). The ministery of the (un)culture has to pay for the organization 1 million €. Maybe the concert should have been less expensive for public finances but president Sarkozy has decided, arbitrary, that work deserves salary and consequently ordered to pay 500 000 € to his good friend Johnny Halyday.

500 000 €... for only two hours of work for the singer Johnny Halliday
500 000 €... an amount that represents 25 years of working for a worker of the middle class

The french revolution bursted out in reaction to the enormous priviledges of the aristocracy opposed to the misery of people. Few times later, aristocrats should have emigrated to avoid to have their head cut. Johnny Halliday had already anticipated the problem. He (officialy) lives in Swiss and pays his taxes over there. He found he paid too much in France. He was not wrong....If a president called bling bling begins to distribute 500 000-single unit euros priviledges to each of his friends, the taxes would not lower before a long time.

But times are changing, people were delighted to listening to Johnny Halliday yesterday night. They don't care their financial misery. They don't care too their cultural musical misery obviously.... And they don't know their history. Misère de l'arbitraire !

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Modifié par lucile83 le 15-07-2009 17:10


Réponse: Corriger mon essai - French national day de seb06000, postée le 15-07-2009 à 15:35:04 (S | E)
bonjour,

je vous mets entre parenthèses les indications de correction:

France is an amazing country. In no other country in the world could you find so many paradoxes. Each Year on july (majuscules) the fourteenth is celebrated the french national day ( position par rapport au verbe). This day refers to an historic (adjectif incorrect) event « la prise de la bastille » when more than two hundred years ago, in 1789, revolutionary (vocabulair)attempted and achieved to take a prison called « La Bastille » and released prisoners jailed inside. This prison was a symbol of arbitrary for political prisoners (il manque un relatif) were used to be detained in it. For the anecdote (calque du français), already, revolutionay released only seven prisoners : none political prisoners, but four counterfeiters, two fools and one sexual harasser.

Nevertheless, This day remains as the victory of people against arbitrary power. To celebrate the event, president Sarkozy has decide to organize a big free concert before the traditional pyrotechnic spectacle. He has decided, arbitrary, to choose as singer, Johnny Hallyday, a good friend of him.

Free concert ? Surely for the spectators but less surely for the french (majuscule) governement (and so indirrectly (orthographe) for french citizens (majuscule)subject to the taxes). The ministery of the (un)culture (expression à changer) has to pay for the organization 1 million €( le COD est accolé en verbe en anglais, il faut changer). Maybe the concert should have been less expensive for public finances but president Sarkozy has decided, arbitrary (il faut en faire un adverbe et l'intercaler dans le G.V), that work deserves salary and consequently ordered to pay 500 000 € to his good friend Johnny Halyday.

500 000 €... for only two hours of work for the singer Johnny Halliday
500 000 €... an amount that represents 25 years of working (voc) for a worker of the middle class

The french (maj) revolution bursted out in reaction to the enormous priviledges of the aristocracy opposed to the misery of people. Few ( ce n'est pas le bon quantifieur) times later, aristocrats should have emigrated to avoid to have their head cut. Johnny Halliday had already anticipated the problem. He (officialy) lives in Swiss ( voc) and pays (il manque une préposition) his taxes over there. He found he paid too much in France. He was not wrong....If a president called bling bling begins ( je ne mettrais pas ce verbe) to distribute 500 000-single unit euros priviledges to each of his friends, the taxes would not lower before a long time.

But times are changing, people were delighted to listening ( je ne mettrais pas l 'ING) to Johnny Halliday yesterday night. They don't care (il manque une préposition) their financial misery. They don't care (idem)too their cultural musical misery obviously.... And they don't know their history. Misère de l'arbitraire !


Si vous avez un souci,n'hésitez pas ou par message privé,

Amicalement

sébastien

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Modifié par seb06000 le 15-07-2009 15:35

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Modifié par seb06000 le 15-07-2009 15:48



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