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Intrigue / Correction (1)

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Intrigue / Correction
Message de miku35 posté le 29-03-2009 à 12:20:42 (S | E | F)

Bonjour, pourriez vous me corriger cette texte. Merci
PS: n'hésitez pas à me corriger m'indiquer les corrections à faire au niveau du choix des temps, je fais souvent des erreurs.Merci.


The atmosphere suddenly turned down. This guy I’d thought all the best minutes ago is maybe a terrible murderer. “Do no pick-up hitch-hikers”, “Detention facilities in area”; those terrible words were rebounding in my head. As early as I came here, I knew there was something special. I couldn’t say what, but there was something different. All these white sands, this pristine sky, this whiteness. No noise, no penny of greenery. The man who had imagined implanting a prison in this desert is definitely brainy. The prisoners, if they could escape the prison, had any chance to getting out alive of this hell. I was suddenly getting out of my thoughts by my wife, who turned on the radio set. The channel was broadcasting old latins song. I decided to change the channel, to see if we could get one which broadcasted breaking news. I’d stop on Channel 6, a local channel. There was a special bulletin, where the presenter said there was a prison-breaking in the state penitentiary of Violent, which stand in the desert of White Sands, New Mexico.
“Is everything alright?” asked me suddenly the black man. “Oh no, at least yes I want to say, don’t worry for us” I answered. He returned at his seat, and still looking at the desert, as he never it saw it.
“I hadn’t asked you, what were you doing in the middle of the desert?”
“My car had broken down in the middle of this confounded desert. I’m so lucky to find people like you”
“It’s just our duty” I answered, for want of saying something else. The sound the car made on the road were not enough loud to camouflaged a possible conversation between me and my wife. I had to do something. But what? What could I do? Stopped the car and told him to go? No, I’d like to do so, but it wasn’t so simple. Maybe he got a gun. Jessica made me scared face since she saw the notice. What could we do? I decided to send her a message on her cellular, with hope she could receive it, in the middle of this terrifying desert. Of course, it was useless. She couldn’t answer, by speaking or by the cellular. I improvised a plan. I sent it too on his cellular. First, I said her everything is go to be alright, just keep calm and follow my plan. To stop the car, I’ll pretext we need to stop the car to verifying the motor and take hotter clothes. Then, we’ll call the police, tell us our position. I was convinced this plan will be a success. Jessica slowed the car, went on the right side and stopped the car. We went at the boot, opened it and saw what we could get, while she was phoned the police. Until now, everything happened as I’d like it to. But suddenly, the car started up abruptly. The black man drove on the road and threaded one’s way though the hill of white sand. Thirty seconds: it was all the time he needed to start up the car but knock up the wires under the steering-wheel.
------------------
Modifié par bridg le 29-03-2009 12:36


Réponse: Intrigue / Correction de miku35, postée le 29-03-2009 à 19:11:35 (S | E)
Please, c'est assez urgent. Merci


Réponse: Intrigue / Correction de linsey34, postée le 29-03-2009 à 20:19:23 (S | E)
Dear miku35,


The atmosphere suddenly turned down. This guy I’d thought all the best minutes ago is maybe may be a terrible murderer. “Do no not pick-up hitch-hikers”, “Detention facilities in area”; those terrible words were rebounding in my head. As early as I came here, I knew there was something special. I couldn’t say what, but there was something different. All these white sands, this pristine sky, this whiteness. No noise, no penny of greenery. The man who had imagined implanting a prison in this desert is definitely brainy. The prisoners, if they could escape from the prison, had any no chance to getting out alive of from this hell. I was suddenly getting out of my thoughts by my wife, who turned on the radio set. The channel was broadcasting old latins song latin songs. I decided to change the channel, to see if we could get one which broadcasted breaking news. I’d stop on Channel 6, a local channel. There was a special bulletin, where the presenter said there was a prison-breaking in the state penitentiary of Violent, which stands in the desert of White Sands, New Mexico.
“Is everything alright?” asked me suddenly the black man. “Oh no, at least yes I want to say, don’t worry for us” I answered. He returned at his seat, and still looking at the desert, as he never it saw had never seen it.
“I hadn’t haven't asked you, what were you doing in the middle of the desert?”
“My car had broken down in the middle of this confounded desert. I’m so lucky to find people like you”
“It’s just our duty” I answered, for want of saying something else. The sound the car made on the road were was not enough loud loud enough to camouflaged a possible conversation between me and my wife. I had to do something. But what? What could I do? Stopped the car and told tell him to go? No, I’d have liked to do so, but it wasn’t so simple. Maybe he got a gun. Jessica made me a scared face since she saw the notice. What could we do? I decided to send her a message on her cellular, with hope she could receive it, in the middle of this terrifying desert. Of course, it was useless. She couldn’t answer, by speaking or by the cellular. I improvised a plan. I also sent it too on his cellular. First, I said told her that everything is go was going to be alright, just keep calm and follow my plan. To stop the car, I’ll pretext we need to stop the car to verifying the motor and take hotter clothes. Then, we’ll call the police, tell us our position. I was convinced this plan will be a success. Jessica slowed the car, went on the right side and stopped the car. We went at the boot, opened it and saw what we could get, while she was phoned she was calling the police. Until now then, everything happened as I’d like wanted it to. But suddenly, the car started up abruptly. The black man drove on the road and threaded one’s his way though through the hill of white sand. Thirty seconds: it was all the time he needed to start up the car but knock up the wires under the steering-wheel


Réponse: Intrigue / Correction de linsey34, postée le 29-03-2009 à 20:20:40 (S | E)
Donc en rouge ou barré: tes erreurs et en bleu ma proposition de correction.


Réponse: Intrigue / Correction de miku35, postée le 29-03-2009 à 20:22:07 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup linsey34.


Réponse: Intrigue / Correction de miku35, postée le 30-03-2009 à 20:36:04 (S | E)
Bonjour, pourriez vous m'aider a corriger les fautes que j'aurais pu faire.
Merci.


We were in the middle of nowhere, lost in the middle of this terrifying desert. The light had definitely turned down, to let place to the freshness of the night.
“Stupid. I’m just stupid. I totally screwed up” I said, in a furious way.
“It’s your entire mistake. Your plan was a fake, and I already knew that when I read that on my cellular. What do you think? He lets his brain in prison? Pfff…This guy is breaking out from a state penitentiary few hours ago. Do you know that? He’s not stupid, in the opposite of you” she answered.
Frightened by the starting of the car, she let the phone fall down, disrupted the communication with the police. She retried a second time, in hope she could use the local networking system. She run into a policeman of El Paso, whom she explainted what’s happended, and telling him our position. The policeman had directly send a patrol to rescue us, and finished his sentence by; “Ok guys, we got our bird”. It was more and more cold. It’s incredible to see aplace where in day, the temperature can grow up to one hundred and twenty Fahrenheit, to during the night.
“I’m cold” said my wife.
“Me too” I answered, brink of hypothetic.
Suddenly, a noise of car. A streak of light was bud on me and my wife. Some stange people were coming to us, by a slow step. It’s all I could remember.
One day, three days, a week … I didn’t know exactly. I was woken up on strange hospital, where there were policeman on every corner of the room. I’ve got handcuffs on my wrist.
“Hey, hey… what’s happened? Where am I? why this handcuffs on my wirst ?
“Calm down prisoner.” The guard answered me
“What? Prisoner? Tell me what’s happened!”
“Calm down prisoner I said”
“I don’t understand! Where is my wife? … Ok, it’s a joke. It was not funny at all.”
“Silence!”
“Just explained me what I’m doing here, on the bedside of prison”
“If it could shut up you. You have been find in White Sand with you accomplice. You’re corresponded to the description a black guy give us on the road. So you’re now on custody for breaking out of the state penitentiary of Violet. Don’t worry, you’ll come back home soon.”






Réponse: Intrigue / Correction de miku35, postée le 30-03-2009 à 20:49:43 (S | E)
Please assez urgent svp. Merci.



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