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pierre3 /correction dialogue
Message de pierre3 posté le 01-02-2009 à 19:40:12 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai un devoir à rendre pour le mardi(e) 3 fevrier et j'aimerais, si possible, que quelqu'un m'aide à corriger un minimum ce devoir de manière à ce que toutes les phrases soient correctes (ou au moins compréhensibles 
), voici ma rédaction:
When my mother left me to my father, it was very late but the idea that I can finally talk to my father made me forget the tiredness.
I see him only once a month and, despite the hour, I intend to enjoy this night with my father.
"Hi Dad, how are you?", I began to say.
"Hi sonny, I'm very well,it was long. So it's going well at school? "he answered.
"Yes, I begin to have some good marks."
"Good, and you still do not know what you want to do later as a profession?"he inquired.
"Er...No, but I htink I know what I want to do the next year."I said.
"Oh! And what is it?"
"Maybe an University or preparatory class for high school."
"Is it close to your hause?"
"Well... I would like to find an apartment near the school where I will go for the travel time doesn't penalize me during the studies." I answered timidly.
"What! What stupid decisions!"he said loudly.
"Why?"I asked as loudly as him.
"Because, we will never can finance you your apartment and your studies", he shapped.
"Dad please, I asked my mom to partially finance this apartment and..."
"And she refused, isn't she?"
"No, she accepted!"
"Your mother accepted and she didn't tell me !"
"Didn't she?"
"It does not matter, anyway, on no account you shall go to study far from here, I can't, I have no enough money."
"Please, please, I got a scholarship for my studies, it will help me finance my studies and you will help me finance my home ", I pleaded
"Well... we can't, you know... hum..."
"It isn't the real reasons, isn't it?"
"Indeed... I don't want you to leave because if it is the case I shall not see again you any more of the whole...", he whispered.
"I will see you, don't worried, I promess."
"Oh, I'm so happy , it's okay."
"Mee too but I'm exhausted, if we were going to sleep?"
"Yes your are right, good night."
Merci d'avance pour vos aides.
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 01-02-2009 19:47
Message de pierre3 posté le 01-02-2009 à 19:40:12 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
j'ai un devoir à rendre pour le mardi
), voici ma rédaction:When my mother left me to my father, it was very late but the idea that I can finally talk to my father made me forget the tiredness.
I see him only once a month and, despite the hour, I intend to enjoy this night with my father.
"Hi Dad, how are you?", I began to say.
"Hi sonny, I'm very well,it was long. So it's going well at school? "he answered.
"Yes, I begin to have some good marks."
"Good, and you still do not know what you want to do later as a profession?"he inquired.
"Er...No, but I htink I know what I want to do the next year."I said.
"Oh! And what is it?"
"Maybe an University or preparatory class for high school."
"Is it close to your hause?"
"Well... I would like to find an apartment near the school where I will go for the travel time doesn't penalize me during the studies." I answered timidly.
"What! What stupid decisions!"he said loudly.
"Why?"I asked as loudly as him.
"Because, we will never can finance you your apartment and your studies", he shapped.
"Dad please, I asked my mom to partially finance this apartment and..."
"And she refused, isn't she?"
"No, she accepted!"
"Your mother accepted and she didn't tell me !"
"Didn't she?"
"It does not matter, anyway, on no account you shall go to study far from here, I can't, I have no enough money."
"Please, please, I got a scholarship for my studies, it will help me finance my studies and you will help me finance my home ", I pleaded
"Well... we can't, you know... hum..."
"It isn't the real reasons, isn't it?"
"Indeed... I don't want you to leave because if it is the case I shall not see again you any more of the whole...", he whispered.
"I will see you, don't worried, I promess."
"Oh, I'm so happy , it's okay."
"Mee too but I'm exhausted, if we were going to sleep?"
"Yes your are right, good night."
Merci d'avance pour vos aides.
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 01-02-2009 19:47
Réponse: pierre3 /correction dialogue de joey93, postée le 01-02-2009 à 21:16:04 (S | E)
Notre "présent de naration" en français ne se traduit pas par le présent simple en anglais, mais par le prétérit, donc "I saw him only once a month, and, despite the hour, I entended..."
en anglais, lorsque l'on formule une question, il faut suivre le schéma suivant : (mot interrogatif)+ auxiliaire +sujet + complément; donc reformule ta question "it's going well at school?"
"and you still do not know what you want to do later as a profession?" selon le sens que tu veux donner à cette phrase, il s'agit de ce que l'on appelle une "question tag" , ici ta question commence par une négation "don't know", le principe de "la question tag" c'est de dire "nest ce pas?".
Donc lorsque tu commences une question tag par un terme négatif, il faut la terminer par le même terme employé de manière positive, c'est à dire sans marque de négation; donc : and you still don't know what you want to do later as a profession, do you? // afin "d'alléger" cette phrase tu peux aussi dire "do you know what kind of job you want to do later?"
attention à l'orthographe "I think", "house", éviter le "er", que tu peux remplacer par "well".
"what I want to do next year", pas d'article.
Revois la formulation de cette phrase, surtt ce qu'il y a en rouge, cela fait trop calque par rapport au français : "I would like to find an apartment near the school where I will go for the travel time doesn't penalize me during the studies." I answered timidly."
"what A stupid decision".
Afin d'éviter la répétition de "said" tu peux varier, et par exemple dire "What a stupid decision" he shouted.
"We will never be able to finance your apartement and your studies" ou "we can't finance..."
"and she refused, DIDN'T SHE?"
"I don't have enough money".
Revois également la formulation de : "I don't want you to leave because if it is the case I shall not see again you any more of the whole
si le "I promess" fait parti du dialogue alors il convient mieux de dire "I promess it", si ça n'est pas le cas "I will see you, don't worry" (pas de prétérit pour "worry") I promessED.
"shall we go to sleep?" fait un peu plus "poli" ou "let's go to sleep".
Revois essentiellement les questions tags, l'usage des temps et des modaux et leurs dérivés, et évite de faire du "calque" par rapport au français.
J'espère t'avoir aidé, Joey.
