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Redac
Message de funstyle posté le 05-03-2005 à 20:59:29 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour,
Voici ma rédaction :
Work is very important in somebody's life. Holding a job is the best solution not to be excluded of our society more than that it's a good solution to meet new persons and to build new relationships.
Many people works because they need money. Money is necessary to have a decent life, to eat, to be self-supporting. By beeing self-supporting, we can live, we can be free and we aren't financially dependant on our parents. We can build a family as we have more chance to meet girl-friends when we have money and that one become our wife. It’s highly probable that we will be able to have children (cherche expression pour “assumer financièrement un enfant), to finance their educations and what they need during 18 years and perhaps more... Maybe, we will have the possibility to climb up the social ladder. Indeed, when we aren't rich, holding a job is the best thing to change your situation. But a company is a place of meetings...
If we assume, that our job is set in a company, we can think that some people work in this company. So, in this job, we meet, everyday, persons with whom we work . By working with them, we build relationships. If we have good relationships with them at job, they can become friends outside and we have the possibility to discuss, exchange points of view.
A job is essentiel in somebody's life. On the one hand, it's important to make a living. On the other hand, it gives us opportunity to meet people, to build relationships and maybe friendships so to come at our job with joy.
Je ne pense pas que ma redaction soit bourrée de fautes mais peut-être quelques unes par-ci par-là. Pouvez-vous m'indiquer les fautes d'orthographe(s), de grammaire(s) mais aussi si des expressions ne vont pas ? N'hésitez pas à parler des détails ! Ils sont très importants.
Merci beaucouppp !
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Edité par bridg le 05-03-2005 21:04
Merci de positionner les accents, puisque je vois que votre clavier peut les mettre.
Message de funstyle posté le 05-03-2005 à 20:59:29 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour,
Voici ma rédaction :
Work is very important in somebody's life. Holding a job is the best solution not to be excluded of our society more than that it's a good solution to meet new persons and to build new relationships.
Many people works because they need money. Money is necessary to have a decent life, to eat, to be self-supporting. By beeing self-supporting, we can live, we can be free and we aren't financially dependant on our parents. We can build a family as we have more chance to meet girl-friends when we have money and that one become our wife. It’s highly probable that we will be able to have children (cherche expression pour “assumer financièrement un enfant), to finance their educations and what they need during 18 years and perhaps more... Maybe, we will have the possibility to climb up the social ladder. Indeed, when we aren't rich, holding a job is the best thing to change your situation. But a company is a place of meetings...
If we assume, that our job is set in a company, we can think that some people work in this company. So, in this job, we meet, everyday, persons with whom we work . By working with them, we build relationships. If we have good relationships with them at job, they can become friends outside and we have the possibility to discuss, exchange points of view.
A job is essentiel in somebody's life. On the one hand, it's important to make a living. On the other hand, it gives us opportunity to meet people, to build relationships and maybe friendships so to come at our job with joy.
Je ne pense pas que ma redaction soit bourrée de fautes mais peut-être quelques unes par-ci par-là. Pouvez-vous m'indiquer les fautes d'orthographe(
Merci beaucouppp !
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Edité par bridg le 05-03-2005 21:04
Merci de positionner les accents, puisque je vois que votre clavier peut les mettre.
Réponse: Redac de funstyle, postée le 05-03-2005 à 22:09:51 (S | E)
c'est pas tout juste quand meme ! si ?
Réponse: Redac de ruofei, postée le 06-03-2005 à 06:46:17 (S | E)
Bonjour funstyle,
Je vous propose mes corrections et mes commentaires plus bas.
(je vous conseillerais, pourquoi pas, de réécrire cette rédaction en 'allegeant' vos phrases)
Working is very important in somebody's life.
...If we assume, that our job is set in a company, we can think that some people work in this company. So, in this job, we meet, everyday, persons with whom we work. By working with them, we build relationships. If we have good relationships with them at job, they can become friends outside and we have the possibility to discuss, exchange points of view.
A job is essential in somebody's life. On the one hand, it's important to make a living. On the other hand, it gives us opportunity to meet people, to build relationships and maybe friendships so to come at our job with joy.
(ne pas utiliser ‘one the one hand/’on the other hand?dans une conclusion) As a whole, we can say that having a job is essential for it enables one both to live in good conditions and to make friends with some of the people one works with...ca tient peu la route...)
En rouge: corrections orthographe.
En italique: les maladresses.
En vert: les impertinences.
Question anglais:
Ne passez pas du présent au futur.
Revoyez les connecteurs logiques (peu de cohérence dans ce texte)
Attention ?l’orthographe anglaise des mots transparents.
Question méthodologie:
Evitez de mettre 4 virgules dans une phrase de 10 mots.
Votre conclusion n’en est pas une?
Essayez d’illustrer vos arguments avec des exemples plus judicieux.
Si vous avez des questions ou si vous n'êtes pas d'accord avec ces corrections....n'hesitez pas ?me le faire savoir!
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Edit?par ruofei le 06-03-2005 11:57
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Edit?par ruofei le 06-03-2005 12:41
Réponse: Redac de funstyle, postée le 06-03-2005 à 14:40:51 (S | E)
Merci pour votre aide !
Réponse: Redac de funstyle, postée le 06-03-2005 à 15:04:18 (S | E)
Euh...j'ai un doute ! Beeing c'est sur que c'est savoir deux e ?
Réponse: Redac de funstyle, postée le 06-03-2005 à 15:12:49 (S | E)
J'ai amélioré une partie de mon texte : qu'en pensez vous ?
With money, we have more chance to meet a wife as women are more interested in a man who live decently, who look good, and who can assume the future. To build a family, people needs money to assume their children, to finance an education and what the children need during 18 years and perhps more.
Réponse: Redac de funstyle, postée le 06-03-2005 à 15:39:58 (S | E)
Escusez moi pour tous ces post. J'ai essayé de revoir un peu mon texte bien que je ne puisse pas tout changer. Pouvez vous me faire part des fautes que vous pouvez rencontrer dans les points changés. Merci d'avance !
Working is very important in somebody's life. A job is the best solution not to be excluded of our society. In addition, it's a good solution to meet new persons and to build new relationships.
Many people works because they need money. Money is necessary to live a decent life, to eat, to be self-supporting. By being independant, we can live without being financially dependent on our parents, we can be free.
With money, we have more chance to meet a wife as women are more interested in a man who live decently, who look good, and who can assume the future. To build a family, people needs money to assume their children, to finance an education and what the children need during 18 years and perhaps more.
Maybe, we will have the possibility to climb up the social ladder. Indeed, when we aren't rich, holding a job is the best thing to change our situation. In our society, money gives importance, gives interest and gives respect from people. It symbolizes success of someone or success of a family.
If we assume, that our job is set in a company, we can think that some people work in this company. So, in this job, we meet, everyday, persons with whom we work . By working with them, we build relationships. These relationships can become, with time, good relationships and, perhaps, friendships. So, it’s a place of meetings where we can meet other persons, different of people we often see in our family…
We can conclude that a job is essential in somebody's life because it's important to make a living. But, it gives us an opportunity to meet people, to build relationships and maybe friendships so to come at our job with joy.
Réponse: Redac de ruofei, postée le 06-03-2005 à 15:50:08 (S | E)
Bonjour funstyle...
oh la la!! Que ça sonne français ce texte
, je pourrais réécrire mot-?mot le fil de vos pensées avant de rédiger ceci...Je scanne très vite les maladresses, faux-sens et fautes d'orthographe:With money, we have more chance to meet a wife as women are more interested in a man who lives decently, who looks good, and who can
N.B: being avec un seul 'e'.
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Edit?par ruofei le 07-03-2005 03:07
Réponse: Redac de funstyle, postée le 06-03-2005 à 16:16:22 (S | E)
le reste va bien ?
Réponse: Redac de funstyle, postée le 06-03-2005 à 16:23:01 (S | E)
to assure their children a future est correct à la place ?
Réponse: Redac de funstyle, postée le 06-03-2005 à 20:01:59 (S | E)
Pouvez vous me répondre svp ?
Réponse: Redac de ruofei, postée le 07-03-2005 à 03:56:05 (S | E)
Bonjoru funstyle,
je vois clairement que vous avez survolé la correction: je retrouve:
les mêmes fautes de grammaire: people work
... les mêmes arguments peu judicieux: "we can be free",**"what the children need during 18 years and perhaps more" (au fait, qu'est-ce que vous voulez dire par là?) ...
les mêmes faux-sens: 'self-supporting'...
les mêmes fautes d'orthographe: "independ
les mêmes maladresses: "
Soyez plus attentif à la correction et cherchez le sens de certaines expressions comme 'to make a living', 'to afford to', 'to provide somebody with', 'to assume', 'to assure'....
(il y a un grans nombre de faux amis, faites attention!)
Réponse: Redac de funstyle, postée le 07-03-2005 à 20:07:40 (S | E)
Où sont mes posts?
Réponse: Redac de funstyle, postée le 10-03-2005 à 14:22:32 (S | E)
who can assume the future
Bonjour,
Pouvez vous me donner de bonnes expressions qui signifient :
Assurer/ Assumer le futur (financierement)
Fonder une famille
Réponse: Redac de ruofei, postée le 10-03-2005 à 14:47:58 (S | E)
Bonjour freestyle,
êtes-vous allé chercher les expressions données ci-dessus?
Bon, je vous propose des traductions:
**Fonder une famille: to make a family/ to found a family (c'est écrit dans la Déclaration Universelle des Droits de l'Homme
)** Assurer le futur: "to keep one's head above water", expression idiomatique qui veut dire, entre autres, rester financièrement 'fiable', solvable. Ex:
The cost of living is now so high that you need to earn a good income (=gagner un bon salaire) just to keep your head above water.
[grossomodo: assurer ses arrières]
INDISPENSABLES : 