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Description d'une scène précise
Message de omega28 posté le 11-03-2007 à 23:15:17 (S | E | F | I)
Bonsoir à tous,
J'ai dû choisir une scène d'un film pour un devoir ; je dois la décrire et l'analyser, ce que j'ai fait. Je me demandais si vous pouviez corriger mon texte, s'il vous plaît ?
I will describe here an extract from the series « Band of Brothers », which is composed of 10 episodes. I selected the last, because it is the moment where the soldiers assess the war. They remember of their friends who are died on the Battlefield and it is very impressive. Indeed, some of them have lost their family, best friends and they are often completely indecisive about the rest of their life ... The moment that I selected is when the Major Winters , who served his country during the war, is called in front of the administrator to talk about his future. First, we will watch the scene, before to analyse it.
This scene takes place during the second world war. Two men are sitting on both sides from desk and they are talking about the feat of arms of Major Winters. The administrator set out the reports of the battles while the Major Winters remembers of the scene. He remembers how he lost his men while he was still a young lieutenant. He remembers about the moment where he must killed the young german soldier in front of him. The places come and go, and we see the terrifics field where Major Winters fought with his men while they have been smashed by bombs. When a memory appears, there is a deaf sound as if noises are suddenly intensified. We can heard some of soldiers yell to their friend to hide. Finally, Major Winters leaves from the room and he has to do choice: Stay or leave from the army.
In fact, this scene is very symbolic, because it shows that it is very difficult for the soldiers who has spent several years of their life on battlefront to do their life again. They have seen a lot of things that they can't forget. Major Winters hesitates between the civil life or the army. In fact, he has to face the life now while he is exhausted by the war. Finally, we can understand that the life after the war is sometimes more difficult than the life during ! The war is an experience which let brands as physical as moral.
Surely the lesson to be learned from « Band of brothers » is that the war let almost no chances. When someone did the war, he can't forget it !
Merci d'avance .
Message de omega28 posté le 11-03-2007 à 23:15:17 (S | E | F | I)
Bonsoir à tous,
J'ai dû choisir une scène d'un film pour un devoir ; je dois la décrire et l'analyser, ce que j'ai fait. Je me demandais si vous pouviez corriger mon texte, s'il vous plaît ?
I will describe here an extract from the series « Band of Brothers », which is composed of 10 episodes. I selected the last, because it is the moment where the soldiers assess the war. They remember of their friends who are died on the Battlefield and it is very impressive. Indeed, some of them have lost their family, best friends and they are often completely indecisive about the rest of their life ... The moment that I selected is when the Major Winters , who served his country during the war, is called in front of the administrator to talk about his future. First, we will watch the scene, before to analyse it.
This scene takes place during the second world war. Two men are sitting on both sides from desk and they are talking about the feat of arms of Major Winters. The administrator set out the reports of the battles while the Major Winters remembers of the scene. He remembers how he lost his men while he was still a young lieutenant. He remembers about the moment where he must killed the young german soldier in front of him. The places come and go, and we see the terrifics field where Major Winters fought with his men while they have been smashed by bombs. When a memory appears, there is a deaf sound as if noises are suddenly intensified. We can heard some of soldiers yell to their friend to hide. Finally, Major Winters leaves from the room and he has to do choice: Stay or leave from the army.
In fact, this scene is very symbolic, because it shows that it is very difficult for the soldiers who has spent several years of their life on battlefront to do their life again. They have seen a lot of things that they can't forget. Major Winters hesitates between the civil life or the army. In fact, he has to face the life now while he is exhausted by the war. Finally, we can understand that the life after the war is sometimes more difficult than the life during ! The war is an experience which let brands as physical as moral.
Surely the lesson to be learned from « Band of brothers » is that the war let almost no chances. When someone did the war, he can't forget it !
Merci d'avance .
Réponse: Description d'une scène précise de marlond, postée le 11-03-2007 à 23:50:43 (S | E)
Hey,
I’ve changed a few bits and shown where parts are wrong in the first section. It’s a really good translation – you’ve made a few careless errors which I think you’ll be able to correct yourself. Ask away if you have any questions…
I will describe here an extract from the series « Band of Brothers », which is composed of 10 episodes. I selected the last, because it is the moment where the soldiers assess the war. They remember of their friends who are died on the Battlefield and it is very impressive.
- ‘to remember’ is transitive in English, that is to say it takes a direct object, so there is no ‘of’
Indeed, some of them have lost their family, best friends and they are often completely indecisive about the rest of their life ...
-often in English, you would say ‘some of them have lost their families’ – this is, obviously, different from the standard French, but standard in English. what you’ve written isn’t wrong, though.
-‘indecisive’ is the wrong word here. someone who is ‘indecisive’ is hesitant in making decisions, and this context is too profound for that. ‘indecisive’ is also a little bit insulting, which isn’t appropriate here.
The moment that I selected is when the Major Winters , who served his country during the war, is called in front of the administrator to talk about his future. First, we will watch the scene, before to analyse it.
-’to be called before someone’
-‘firstly’ is the proper adverb, though ‘first’ is used more colloquially in the context you’ve written it.
- ‘before’ + conjugated verb (‘we’ form here) rather than infinitive
This scene takes place during the second world war. Two men are sitting on both sides from desk and they are talking about the feat of arms of Major Winters. The administrator set out the reports of the battles while the Major Winters remembers of the scene. He remembers how he lost his men while he was still a young lieutenant.
-‘second world war’ should all be capitalised
-‘both sides from the desk’ – error – you should be able to stop this one for yourself
-‘they’ in second sentence is redundant
- wrong conjugation of ‘set’
- no definite article before titles in English when it is followed by the person’s name, e..g. ‘Queen Elizabeth’, ‘Admiral Nelson’, ‘Colonel Bloggs’, never ‘the Colonel Bloggs’
He remembers about the moment where he must killed the young german soldier in front of him. The places come and go, and we see the terrifics field where Major Winters fought with his men while they have been smashed by bombs.
- see above concerning ‘to remember’
- wrong structure with ‘he must killed’ – the ‘must’ bit should be in the past, not the ‘killed’, but you tend to use ‘to have to’ instead of ‘must’ in the past…
- places can’t really ‘come and go’ – this doesn’t make much sense
- ‘terrific’ isn’t a noun
- look at tense of ‘they have been smashed’…
Réponse: Description d'une scène précise de marlond, postée le 12-03-2007 à 00:04:14 (S | E)
When a memory appears, there is a deaf sound as if noises are suddenly intensified.
- this bit is grammatically correct, but I’m not sure I understand what you mean.
We can heard some of soldiers yell to their friend to hide. Finally, Major Winters leaves from the room and he has to do choice: Stay or leave from the army.
- look at ‘we can heard’, you should see a mistake
-‘to leave’ transitive in English, so no ‘from’ (twice)
-‘to make a choice’. not ‘to do a choice’
In fact, this scene is very symbolic, because it shows that it is very difficult for the soldiers who has spent several years of their life on battlefront to do their life again. They have seen a lot of things that they can't forget. Major Winters hesitates between the civil life or the army.
-see note from last section about ‘family’ being plural – same applies to ‘life’ here
-‘to lives a life’, not ‘to do a life’
-‘civilian life’ or just ‘normal life’ are better
The final part is unclear:
In fact, he has to face the life now while he is exhausted by the war. Finally, we can understand that the life after the war is sometimes more difficult than the life during !
-Try to rephrase this and I’ll look at it again. I think I know what you mean, but it’s a little unclear.
The war is an experience which let brands as physical as moral.
-‘war’ or ‘the war’ – are you making conclusions about war as a general concept or referring specifically to WWII? – I think you mean ‘war’ without the ‘the’
-‘let’?
‘’brands physical as moral’?
Surely the lesson to be learned from « Band of brothers » is that the war let almost no chances.
-‘let’?
When someone did the war, he can't forget it !
-‘when someone has been involved in war, it’s not an experience he can forget.’
Réponse: Description d'une scène précise de omega28, postée le 12-03-2007 à 07:13:38 (S | E)
Thank you very much for your correction.
I have some questions:
- Can you help me to replace "remember" by another word ?
- Why "indecisive" is "a little bit insulting" ?
- I replace just let by "lets"
I will write the text here with your correction. Can you tell me whether it is good or not ?
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Modifié par omega28 le 12-03-2007 09:27
Réponse: Description d'une scène précise de marlond, postée le 12-03-2007 à 14:20:02 (S | E)
'Remember': 'recall', 'reminisce about' - you don't really need to change it, 'remember' works well with what you've written - just remember that it's 'to remember something' an not 'to remember OF something'
I'm not 100% sure what you mean by 'let(s) - it's the wrong verb - try to find another verb in English.
"Indeed, some of them have lost their family, best friends and they are often completely indecisive about the rest of their life"
- indecisive is more of a permanent characteristic, whereas here you mean 'they have no idea what they are going to do with the rest of their lives, with many of them having lost their families and friends.' or' ...they face uncertain futures'.
- you would describe someone who struggles to make decisions over more trivial matters as 'indecisive' e.g. A:"do you want to come with me to the shops?" B:"Oh, I'm not sure. Should I or shouldn't I? Erm..." A:"You're so indecisive! Just decide!". It's not hugely insulting, but it is usually meant in a negative way, and in your sentence, you do not mean to imply any negative characteristic to the soldiers, rather that they have been left with an uncertain future.
Yeah, repost and I'll look at it again.
Réponse: Description d'une scène précise de omega28, postée le 12-03-2007 à 17:02:02 (S | E)
I will describe here an extract from the series « Band of Brothers », which is composed of 10 episodes. I selected the last, because it is the moment where the soldiers assess the war. They remember their friends who are died on the Battlefield and it is very impressive. Indeed, some of them have lost their family, best friends and they have no idea about what they are going to do with the rest of their lives. The moment that I selected is when Major Winters , who served his country during the war, is called before Administrator to talk about his future. Firstly, we will watch the scene, before analysing it.
This scene takes place during the second world war. Two men are sitting on both sides of the desk and are talking about the feat of arms of Major Winters. Administrator sets out the reports of the battles while the Major Winters remembers the scene. He remembers how he lost his men while he was still a young lieutenant. He remembers the moment where he had to kill the young german soldier in front of him. We see differents battle and each time, it is terrifying. Major Winters and his men fought while they was smashed by bombs. When a memory appears to the screen, we can hear a deaf sound as if noises are suddenly intensified. We can hear some of soldiers yell to their friend to hide. Finally, Major Winters leaves the room and he has to make a choice: Stay or leave from the army.
In fact, this scene is very symbolic, because it shows that it is very difficult for the soldiers who has spent several years of their lives on battlefront to lives their life again. They have seen a lot of things that they can't forget. Major Winters hesitates between the civilian life or the army. In fact, the life is now a bit like his new opponent, but he is already exhausted by the war. Finally, life after war may be worst than the life during ! War is an experience which brands physically as morally.
Surely the lesson to be learned from « Band of brothers » is that war allows almost no chances. When someone has been involved in war, it's not an experience he can forget.
I hope that it is better
and thanks for your help !-------------------
Modifié par omega28 le 12-03-2007 17:02
Réponse: Description d'une scène précise de marlond, postée le 12-03-2007 à 18:02:58 (S | E)
J'ai trouvé quelques erreurs que je n'avais pas vues la première fois - je les ai indiquées et corrigées ici. D'ailleurs, il y a des parties où je ne comprends pas ce que tu veux dire - traduis-les en français et j'essayerai de les traduire en anglais.
I will describe here an extract from the series « Band of Brothers », which is composed of 10 episodes. I selected the last ONE, because it is the moment where the soldiers assess the war. They remember their friends who
This scene takes place during the Second World War. Two men are sitting on both sides of the desk and are talking about the feat of arms of Major Winters. THE administrator sets out the reports of the battles while
In fact, this scene is very symbolic, because it shows that it is very difficult for the soldiers who HAVE spent several years of their lives on BATTLEFIELD to lives their NORMAL liVES again. They have seen a lot of things that they can't forget. Major Winters hesitates WHEN CHOOSING BETWEEN between civilian life or the army. In fact,
Surely the lesson to be learned from « Band of brothers » is that war allows (this bit still doesn't make sense - translate into French and I'll look again) almost no chances. When someone has been involved in war, it's not an experience he can forget.
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Modifié par willy le 12-03-2007 19:59
Réponse: Description d'une scène précise de omega28, postée le 15-03-2007 à 22:17:56 (S | E)
Hello marlond.
Sorry, because I'm late, but I was very busy.
In fact, instead of "let almost no chances", I would say " ne laisse presque aucune chance".
Thank you again for your help
Bye
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Modifié par omega28 le 15-03-2007 22:25
INDISPENSABLES : 